Month: April 2026

As I sit down to type this article, ignoring the little crack in my knee as I adjust my chair, I’m reminded that spouses really do have to help and support each other through the changes that midlife, and beyond, bring.

Some of those changes – if the Fates have been kind – are good. Financial security, the ability to have more control over the way you spend your time and who you spend it with, and the liberating “I don’t give a you-know-what” attitude that comes with being of a certain vintage.

Some changes aren’t so good. Like the cracking joints or the faltering energy levels. These are all reminders that we’re marching a little closer to… well, you know. People handle this in different ways. Some accept it or even embrace it with gratitude, while others fight it tooth and nail.

Couples handle it in different ways too. Some spouses cling to each more, while others let their fears – or lingering resentments, or unfulfilled ideals of the perfect life – push them apart.

While both women and men can experience the so-called midlife crisis, they often do so in different ways. Over the years, I’ve consulted with many women who are dealing with a husband in the midst of a marriage-damaging midlife crisis, specifically the kind that sees him rewriting the marital history, becoming more self-focused or even straying from the marriage.

And if that piqued your concern or hit a little too close to home, I have three ideas that might help you get ahead of things while you still can.

A great trio of tips to be proactive:

What follows are three overarching ways you can help your husband during his midlife crisis – or at least during the early phases of what you suspect is an encroaching midlife crisis. Because when it comes to this issue, an ounce of prevention is definitely worth a pound of cure!

#1: Make Him Feel Appreciated

Whether it’s for his years of hard work and being a good provider, whether it’s for supporting you and your career or passions, or whether it’s for being a great dad to your kids, be sure to show your husband that you appreciate all he’s done for you and your family.

Don’t just assume that he knows you’ve noticed his contributions or sacrifices. Talk about them in detail. Acknowledge and appreciate them. You’ll see how your appreciation for him makes him light up with appreciation for you.

#2: Make Him Feel Youthful

You’ll notice that I chose the word “youthful” instead of “young.” That’s because even a very elderly person can have a youthful spirit and a youthful zest for life. It’s all in the twinkle of the eye. So, look for new adventures and break out of your comfort zone – because if not now, when?

Very importantly, don’t neglect your sex life. No, you won’t be swinging from any chandeliers, but there’s nothing stopping you from pushing your boundaries a bit in the bedroom and keeping your husband feeling like a man in his prime… at least when it comes to pleasing his wife.

#3: Remind Him That He’s Lucky to Have You

This is a big one. Really big. Maybe the biggest. Why? Because when it comes to those marriage-damaging midlife crises, it often happens that a man begins to take his wife for granted (don’t all spouses do this from time to time?). This can lead him to rewrite your history as a couple, blame-shift or even strike up a problematic relationship with another woman. It’s therefore essential that he feels fortunate to have you in his life.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should start thinking too highly of yourself or behaving like a diva. Neither does it mean exhausting yourself to please him. We’re long past that, aren’t we? Rather, it just means tapping into your best self as a wife and woman to remind him of why he married you in the first place.

Because this article isn’t just about helping your husband. It is actually more about helping you dodge the type of male midlife episode that can do damage to your marriage and to your sense of security and well-being. This is not the time of life when you want to feel “shut out” of your husband’s life. (Incidentally, that unhappy circumstance is the subject of my book The Shut-Out Wife: Breaking Through Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis).

So let’s circle back to that trio of tips – making him feel appreciated, youthful, and lucky to have you – and think. How can you accomplish this in a practical sense? Challenge yourself to come up with three or four ways you can meet each goal.

Much will depend on your lifestyle and available resources. But much will also depend on your open-mindedness and creativity. So brainstorm. And please, whether this is an issue in your marriage or not, share your brilliant ideas in the comments. Let’s help each other out!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Did your husband go through a midlife crisis? How did you handle it? Were there signs you noticed? Any tips you may have for the community?

Not long ago I was out to dinner with friends. We had ordered and were waiting for our drinks when one of my friends immediately pulled out her phone and began scrolling.

When the food arrived, my friend set down her phone and picked up her utensils.

At first, I was caught off guard. We hadn’t seen each other in a month, and I had been looking forward to catching up.

“Sorry about that,” she said between bites. “I had over 200 work emails, and I wouldn’t have been able to relax until I got through at least some of them.”

While I was waiting for her to disengage from work and join in with the conversation, I noticed that I was also fighting the urge to check my own phone.

That moment stayed with me. It made me realize how much technology has changed the way we live and how rarely we allow ourselves the simple act of being present.

The Sheer Speed of Communication

When I first started working, we typed letters and mailed them, often waiting weeks for a response. Now we fire off a text or email and find ourselves staring at the screen, waiting for a reply. Everything moves so much faster than it did even a few decades ago.

But there’s a downside to that kind of speed as we are always connected. Work, family, and the outside world are always within arm’s reach.

Studies suggest that we check our phones nearly 100 times a day and for many in business, it can be far more. What began as a tool for convenience has quietly become an obsession.

I can remember when even having a home phone was a luxury. Contact with the outside world was daily and for the most part, enjoyable. Any news you receive comes from TV, newspapers and the radio. You would actively need to tune in to get updated on events.

Now, we live with the steady infusion of local, national and international news in real time. The majority of which is negative and can lead to anxiety, emotional fatigue and fear.

Falling Victim to the Computer in Our Pocket

I have good friends I haven’t spoken to in years. We exchange texts, admire photos and have discussions without picking up the phone.

Even when we are together, I feel that often we are not fully present. Phones come out to share a picture or look something up, and before long, we are responding to emails or checking messages.

We can hardly get through a discussion without someone reaching for their cell to look something up or fact-check, turning what should be an easy exchange into something that feels more like deposition testimony than a chat.

Have you noticed how difficult it has become to go even a few minutes without looking at your phone? Many of us don’t even bother to tuck it away in our handbags or pockets.

Unless you are a trauma surgeon or a stockbroker, it is unlikely that you need to be constantly connected and yet, leaving home without creates a feeling of disconnection or FOMO (fear of missing out).

The effects of constant cell phone use are not just emotional but can be physical as well: eye strain, neck pain, reduced attention span, and the subtle but powerful pull of the need for constant stimulation.

For older adults, there is an added concern. While we may feel more connected, we may actually be engaging less. The illusion of connection can sometimes replace real interaction, contributing to loneliness and isolation.

So, What Can We Do?

Give Yourself a Phone Curfew

Phone use at night can cause insomnia and the blue light can disrupt circadian rhythms.

Don’t Text and Drive

Put your phone away while driving unless you use a navigational app. Even having the phone in the holder and a text message coming up can be dangerous as you glance at it. Also, resist the urge to scroll at traffic lights and in congested areas.

Never Walk and Scroll

Older people have less flexibility and stepping on an uneven surface or into a hole can lead to an injury.

Do Not Sleep with the Phone Next to You

It makes it too accessible if you are having problems sleeping. An old-fashioned alarm clock should be used instead.

Resist Scrolling During Down Time

Don’t reach for your phones when you are waiting in line, in an elevator or at a crossing. Look around and engage with your surroundings.

Cellphones can make an amazing contribution to the quality of our lives when used correctly. Unfortunately, they are extremely addictive, and we often lose minutes and sometimes hours doomscrolling when that precious time could be used to connect with the outside world.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How addicted are you to your phone? Have you changed the way you use your phone and how did it make your life better?

Photo: @rachelzoe

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Have you had this moment – yet?

Your children are grown.

You’ve spent decades caring, guiding, and showing up in ways that required constant emotional availability. And yet, instead of feeling lighter, you may feel more unsettled than ever.

Because while your children have grown up, your role hasn’t quite caught up.

You’re still responding the way you always have.

Still stepping in.

Still carrying.

Still trying to keep everything steady.

And it’s exhausting.

The Hidden Emotional Cost

Many women over 50 find themselves navigating complicated dynamics with adult children.

There may be:

• Increased expectations
• Emotional dependency
• Tension or distance
• Moments of disrespect
• Or simply a lingering sense of responsibility that never seems to end.

What often goes unspoken is how deeply this can impact your emotional health.

You may feel anxious before conversations.

You may replay interactions long after they happen.

You may struggle to relax, always wondering what might come next.

And quietly, you may begin to feel like your life is still revolving around your children – even though they are fully grown.

Why Boundaries Matter Now More Than Ever

This stage of life is not just about your children.

It is also about you.

Your well-being.

Your identity.

Your peace.

Healthy boundaries are what allow both you and your children to grow into this next chapter.

They are not about pushing your child away. They are about creating clarity around where your responsibility ends – and where theirs begins.

Without that clarity, it becomes very easy to over-function.

• To take on emotions that are not yours.
• To solve problems that are not yours to solve.
• To sacrifice your peace in order to maintain connection.

Redefining Your Role

One of the most important shifts in midlife motherhood is this:

You move from being a manager… to being a supporter.

You are no longer responsible for directing your child’s life.

You are invited to witness it.

That shift can feel uncomfortable at first.

It can even feel like you’re doing less.

But in reality, you are doing something much harder.

You are stepping back in a way that allows your child to step forward.

What Healthy Boundaries Actually Look Like

Boundaries are often misunderstood.

They are not rigid rules or emotional distance.

They are clear, respectful communication about what you can and cannot take on.

In everyday life, they may look like:

• Not answering every call immediately.
• Saying no without a long explanation.
• Choosing not to engage in heated or disrespectful conversations.
• Allowing your child to handle their own challenges.
• Taking time for yourself without guilt.

These are small shifts – but they create powerful changes over time.

The Emotional Benefits of Boundaries

When you begin to establish healthy boundaries, something important happens.

You start to feel more grounded.

More calm.

More like yourself.

You are no longer constantly reacting.

You are choosing how you respond.

And that creates emotional stability– not just for you, but for the relationship as well.

Because relationships that rely on over-functioning are often fragile.

But relationships built on mutual respect are much more resilient.

Letting Go of Guilt

One of the biggest obstacles to setting boundaries is guilt.

You may worry that you are being selfish.

That you are pulling away.

That you are damaging the relationship.

But healthy boundaries are not about withdrawing love.

They are about expressing it in a more sustainable way.

A way that allows both people to grow.

Creating Space for Your Own Life

Midlife is an invitation.

An invitation to reconnect with yourself.

To explore what brings you joy, meaning, and purpose beyond your role as a mother.

Boundaries create the space for that.

They allow you to step into your own life again – not in opposition to your children, but alongside them.

A Healthier Way Forward

If you are feeling overwhelmed, drained, or unsure how to navigate your relationship with your adult children, it may not be a sign that something is wrong.

It may simply be a sign that something needs to change.

And that change begins with small, steady boundaries.

Not perfect ones.

Not dramatic ones.

Just honest ones.

Because you deserve a relationship with your children that includes connection… and peace.

If you struggle in this area, I have a free resource called 5 Truths to Let Go With Love and I’d love to send it to you. You can get it HERE.

Let’s discuss:

What is one small boundary you might adopt with your adult child? How might that improve the relationship?

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