Has something happened to make you lose confidence in your ability to navigate life situations? Have you had a setback that knocked the wind out of you, and you can’t seem to get it back? Maybe you have gone down that old familiar rabbit hole of second guessing yourself until you can’t make any decisions. It’s time to give yourself a dose of self-confidence.
I know you’ve heard of “fake it till you make it.” This phrase is a big turn off when talking about finances, for instance. It’s where people buy designer everything, from fancy cars to upscale clothing, and they have no money.
The movie Catch Me If You Can highlights a young con artist (Leonardo Di Caprio) as he fakes various professions. I’m not advocating faking it in this way.
In my article, faking it is not about faking ability, it’s about internal behavior or thinking. It’s how you picture yourself, talk to yourself, and how you can change the outcome of your life by changing a few of your internal views or posturing of yourself.
Self-Confidence
If you are at an all-time low in confidence, look back at situations and times where you had high confidence. What were you doing, and what did you look like then? Did you hold your head high when walking in a room? When you had challenges come your way, did you remind yourself that everything would be ok?
In her TedTalk, Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are, Amy Cuddy states that “we are influenced by our own nonverbals.” It’s the self-talk and nonverbal chatter that greatly affect outcomes we have today. How we stand, how we posture ourselves, what we say to ourselves internally all affect our self-confidence.
Her own story is fascinating. She was a brilliant academic student that was in a life altering car accident. Her injury affected her IQ, dropping many points, shaking her whole identity as an above average smart person. She shares how tiny tweaks inwardly and outwardly lead to big changes.
Going from feeling like “I don’t belong here,” to “I can do this” over and over resulted in her finally becoming it. Instead of fake it till you make it, she calls it, fake it until you become it. Stir up the confidence that you have hiding inside you by holding your head high and stating, “I’m tapping into the confidence that’s sleeping inside me! I can do this, and I will do this.”
The other day, when taking a walk, I began to think along these lines. Here’s how my self-talk went:
“Remember what it feels like to feel confident, Linda? Now, feel that feeling as if you are experiencing it right now. Feel confident and assured in life. You are safe and can hold your head up. You are worthy of feeling confident and happy.”
As I thought this way and talked to myself this way, I actually felt a jolt of confidence surge through me. Faking it, or just the simple act of remembering what it felt like when I was more confident, brought the confidence again. Something had knocked me off my game, and I needed to get my mindset right again. That jolt going through me helped me become it. It changed the outcome of my day and my week and very possibly my life.
Courage
I was in a corporate position where at times I would have to oversee meetings or lead a group. Inside, I didn’t want to do it! I never felt courageous or that I was smart enough to get in front of my colleagues and lead a meeting. But I did it. I summoned up my courage, got as prepared as possible, and delivered.
Was I courageous and strong? NO! But, as I continued in my job, I became better at it. At first, I was a big fake. Then I became it. Faking courage when needed can absolutely change the outcome of interactions. This can help you with your friends, family, or when called on to express any of your own opinions.
Courage can be summoned. You can rouse it from its slumber within you when you need it. But you need to get the mind set right and bring your internal talk into the positive realm instead of negative self-talk. You can do this.
Self-Love
Start by faking love for yourself. Stay with me here. What if, you began the day telling yourself that you love yourself, and no matter what, you are there for you. What if you started to treat yourself and talk to yourself as if you were your best friend?
Do this even when you don’t feel like it. Would you speak these words to your best friend? “Your hair looks like crap. You never say the right things. You are old and ugly. Today will be just as bad as yesterday. You have nothing to look forward to.” If you have a best friend, speaking that way to them will push them away!
You may never speak like this to someone else, but are you saying these things to yourself? Stir up some love in your heart for yourself. Stop the negative internal chatter about you. Start to treat yourself with love and kindness. Become your own best friend. Nurture yourself when the world brings conflict or sorrow. Be there for you, instead of giving up on you when making a mistake.
Leah McLaren writes her interesting and amusing story based on this quote: There’s only one path to thriving relationships with those you love: Pretend to be the person you want to be – until you almost are. The title of her article is, “How I Faked My Way to a Happy Marriage.”
She emphasizes outwardly acts of love and kindness toward someone, in this case, her husband, even when she may not feel it inside. Try it toward the special people in your life. As you do this, you may be surprised at the inner feelings that follow.
At one point in my life, I believed I was the biggest failure ever. I had to live in a hotel until I found a job. I had to go to an interview and sell myself for a job when my head swirled with thoughts that I wasn’t good enough. I had to stop berating myself for my mistakes and start to treat myself with the kindness my husband could not give me.
Not a Failure Anymore
Putting my best features forward, I made it through the interview and got the job. Did I feel like a fake? Yes. I kept thinking, If they only knew I was homeless, living in the hotel down the street, and getting a divorce from an abusive husband… I was a wreck, and they just hired a wreck.
Every day I went to the job, holding my head up and did my very best. I didn’t talk about my failures to anyone. No one knew my mistakes. I never told those supervisors who interviewed me my failing life situation. I was starting over and from that time forward I forced myself to become my own best friend. I began to treat myself better, allow kinder people into my circle, and talk to myself like I was worth something.
Today, all of that has paid off. I faked it until I became it. I sometimes still need to remind myself of what it feels like to be confident, then step into those strong feelings. I stop negative self-talk when I catch myself going down that path. I spend some time visualizing good outcomes in my future instead of being scared of negative possibilities.
Now, it doesn’t take long to get back on the right path of positivity. This successful, happy, nurturing way of living has saved me from misery. It set my life on a new path. I believe you can do this too. The message is simple, fake the behavior you want until you become it.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Tell me what you think. Have you every faked it until you became it? Is it really faking something or just awakening something slumbering within you? Are you stirring up the best of you to come to the surface?
