Why maybe? Because, let’s be honest, it’s never guaranteed. The stars have to align, the timing has to be right, and sometimes, the moon needs to be sitting in just the right corner of the sky.
We build friendships throughout our lives, layer by layer. When I look at my closest circle, most of my oldest friends have been around for decades. Some since high school, others since I was three years old. One lived down the street, our mothers were friends, and we shared the same religion. She’s still in my life today. Another friendship began on a ski trip in Grade 9. One more was born in university, and we ended up working together and connecting through the local art community.
When I look at my newer friends, the ones I’ve made in the past 10 years, I see the same pattern. We’re around the same age, live in the same area, and share a similar lifestyle. In my case, that means being expats living on a small, remote island.
The Three Conditions
Over time, I’ve realized that most friendships start when three things overlap: a shared situation, shared interests, and shared timing.
But even when those three boxes are checked, there’s still no guarantee. You can’t seek out someone, thinking: They’ll be my new best friend! Friendships don’t work that way.
They have to grow. Like plants, they move through stages: the initial seed (that first meeting), then nurturing, growth, and eventually – stability. Not all of them make it. Many drop off somewhere along the way, often for reasons we never really understand.
The Birth Stage of Friendship
New friendships are fragile. People I’ve met recently, within the past year, are still in that early, “birth” stage. I call them friends, but I know these connections are new, delicate, and need gentle attention. Not smothering attention; just enough to keep the connection alive. Because let’s face it: too much enthusiasm can scare people off.
And, in those early stages, friendships can feel a little transactional. Not in a bad way. It’s just human nature. We’re both quietly asking, Is this worth my time and energy? Do I feel good around this person?
Planting Seeds and Letting Go of Expectations
Last weekend, I met a woman at my Happy Cat booth. She noticed my t-shirt, it was from Provincetown on Cape Cod, one of my favorite places (right after Koh Lanta). She’d been there too, and suddenly, we were chatting like old friends about travel, handmade art, and life abroad.
We had a great conversation, laughed a lot, and discovered we had plenty in common. She said she’d follow my Substack and be in touch.
Will this turn into a friendship? I have no idea. And that’s okay. The seed was planted. Maybe it’ll grow, maybe it won’t. There’s no point in trying to predict how another person feels or thinks. I barely understand my mind some days!
So, I move on, grateful for that pleasant interaction. That’s the key – keep planting seeds. Some will take root, others won’t. The important thing is to keep sowing them, again and again.
Why It’s Harder Now
Here’s the tough part. Finding new friends these days can feel harder than ever.
People are distracted constantly. Some are glued to their games, others are buried in podcasts or social media. Many fill their schedules so completely that there’s no time left to truly connect. And if we’re being honest, some people just aren’t open anymore. They’ve built protective walls after too many disappointments.
So yes, the climate for new friendships is rough. But that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. It just means we have to try differently.
Here are 7 ways to maybe make new friends.
#1. Be Open – Always
This sounds simple, but it’s not. Being open means allowing yourself to be seen. It means smiling at strangers, saying hello, or striking up a small conversation even when it feels awkward.
If you shut down the possibility of meeting new people because it feels uncomfortable, you’re also shutting out potential joy. Every friendship begins with a single moment of openness.
#2. Notice the Common Ground
Look for at least three things you have in common with someone. Age, location, and shared experiences are classic starting points, but it could also be humor, hobbies, or a love of cats.
Three common points aren’t a guarantee of friendship, but they do plant the seed. The key is to let it grow naturally, without forcing it.
#3. Keep It Natural and Know When to Let Go
Some connections click instantly, others feel awkward or forced. That’s your signal. If a conversation feels heavy or one-sided, that’s okay, it’s not meant to be.
And here’s something important: if someone doesn’t respond to your messages or calls, don’t take it personally. Life is busy, and not everyone is in a place to nurture new friendships. It’s rarely about you. Let it go gracefully, and move on to the next seed.
#4. Nurture Your Interests
Friendships often grow out of shared passions. Love gardening, hiking, or writing? Join local or online groups where people talk about those things. Attend a workshop, take a class, or volunteer.
Even if you don’t find a best friend, you’ll still be expanding your world, and that in itself is fulfilling.
#5. Try Something New (Yes, Even Pickleball)
Pickleball is the game of the moment, and not just for kids. It’s become a social lifeline for retirees everywhere. You don’t have to be athletic or competitive. You can join just to help with court bookings, bring snacks, or cheer people on.
If sports aren’t your thing, find a local club, community garden, or creative group. Trying something new gets you out of your comfort zone, and that’s where friendships often begin.
#6. Connect Through Community
Many towns have community centers, senior resource groups, or volunteer hubs that organize activities. Call or visit them. Ask what’s happening nearby. A walking club, art class, or discussion group could be just what you need.
The key is to tell them you’re looking to meet others. There’s no shame in that. They’re often thrilled to help make introductions.
#7. Don’t Give Up
This might be the most important one. Making new friends later in life takes time, patience, and resilience. It’s not about collecting names; it’s about finding genuine connection.
Each attempt is a step toward growth. Some will fizzle; others will flourish. But all of them expand your understanding of yourself and others.
Think of friendship as gardening. You plant seeds, nurture what you can, and accept that not every plant will thrive. But oh, when one does… it’s beautiful.
Final Thoughts
Friendship is a two-way street, built on trust, effort, and timing. It can’t be rushed or forced, and it certainly can’t be predicted.
Sometimes, the stars align and you meet someone who just fits. Other times, despite your best efforts, things fade. That’s okay. Every interaction teaches us something, even if it’s just how to stay open to the next one.
So, keep showing up. Keep smiling. Keep planting those seeds. You never know which one will take root, or when the moon might align with the stars and help out.
Click for free access to my Substack, Retired Way Out There, where I publish a bi-monthly newsletter and provide handouts.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you find it difficult to make new friends? What about keeping close connection with friends you’ve known for years – or even decades? What seeds have you planted in the past month?
