This time of year we assess and reassess who we are, what we’ve done, and what we want. We review our dreams and measure them against where we are now. We record the lessons learned from the previous years of life. This reflection often throws me into the spin cycle – the drama of focusing on what I lack instead of what I have. It pulls me out of gratitude and places me squarely into fear: fear that I have missed the boat, that my 64 years on this planet have been wasted.
Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement, albeit it’s not far from the truth. My natural default – my human condition, shaped by my historical, hysterical upbringing – fixates on the negative. I know I’m not alone in this. Many of my friends carry different baggage, and yet we all seem wired to dwell on what didn’t go right, even when most things do. Even when the grand scheme says otherwise, I focus on the one thing that went wrong or what I don’t have.
This deeply reflective question digs into my perpetual quest for personal growth and self-awareness. After all these years, I can see the progress. With the help of so many guides in the form of friends and foes, mentors and monsters, my family of origin and the family I chose and most of all my writing practice, I can see where I was and where I am headed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy, those old journals can engender a lot of anxiety. I started by finding them in the different places I have squired them away. Next, seeing how they pile up; and finally, making the time and effort to look through them.
But, unequivocally, I can tell you – it is worth it. Looking back at those journals, some handwritten, some computer files, all of those wishes, the hope and the frustration are right in front of me. I can see how my behaviors stemmed from self-imposed limitations and beliefs which I perpetuated. And after years of trying, wanting to, practicing, I am ready to let go.
I’ve Been in My Own Way
I recognized moments where I was clearly a “fraud” or less than my best self, and I realized it stems from a disconnect between my inner values and outward actions. I’m not living Shakespeare’s timeless advice:
“To thine own self be true.”
It’s a lesson that becomes clearer as I age. My perspective has shifted, and I now understand that being true to myself is the center of it all.
This learning process has been lengthy, starting in 1984 when I first heard a line from the iconic movie, The Natural:
“I believe we have two lives. The life we learn with and the life we live with after that.”
The problem is undeniable: I’ve been in my own way. The solution, however, requires deliberate, uncomfortable, persistent action. Getting out of my own way isn’t easy; if it were, I’d have done it long ago. Awareness doesn’t magically translate into change – it takes practice, and years of holding onto old habits and beliefs make for a challenging course correction.
Now, those old patterns no longer hold power over me. By shifting my mindset to gratitude, I’ve begun to rewrite the narrative. This frees up the energy to step into the life I have always wanted.
The past year has been transformative for me. The lessons I’ve learned are not just steppingstones – they’re the foundation for the life I want to live. In 2025, my focus will be staying actively in love with myself and living intentionally. I will embrace imperfection, trust the process, and continue finding harmony between my mind and heart. I am the author of my story, and the best chapters are yet to come.
My top 10 Lessons from 2024 (and the Prior 64 years)
1. Loving Myself Must Come First
For years I’ve put myself last, hoping that valuing others would result in them valuing me. This year, I finally learned that self-love is foundational. When I align my words, deeds, and actions, I trust and value myself more – and that radiates outward.
2. Consciously Knowing I Am Enough
Validation must come from within. Praise from others will never fill the void if I don’t believe in my worth. Now, I know I am enough simply because I care, I prepare, I exist and engage in the world around me.
3. Embrace Imperfection
Perfectionism kept me stuck for years, but I’ve realized that striving for an unattainable ideal only leads to frustration. Progress – not perfection – is the goal. By giving myself license for mistakes, I’ve freed myself to act without fear of failure.
I don’t hold myself to an impossible standard and then get stuck. It’s kind of funny the more I screw-up, the less afraid I am. Who knew?
4. Ask for Help Instead of Masking Vulnerabilities
Pretending to be confident when I’m not only isolates me further. Now, I look for guides – people who encourage growth and use their experiences to help me rather than imposing one-size-fits all advice. I spend time getting to know the person, I watch their actions instead of just their words, and I don’t discount the red flags.
5. Stop Trying to Open Doors that Aren’t Meant to Open
When a door won’t open, it’s not rejection – it’s redirection. A mentor of mine once told me: “The things that are supposed to fall away will fall away; and the things that are supposed to stay will stay.” I forgive myself for chasing what wasn’t meant for me and trust the right doors will open.
This is one of my most hard-won lessons and my favorite!
6. The Past Is Only a Small Piece of My Story
My past no longer defines me. It’s a chapter, not the entire book. Instead of clinging to old ways or running from the past, I honor its lessons and give it less power over my present.
The past and future only have the power I give them. This year, I’m prioritizing living in the present moment, finding joy and meaning in the here and now. My entire life I ran from my past. Now I understand that I can’t outrun my past, it will always be part of my story. What has changed is the amount of space and prominence it occupies in my mind and in my story. It is a much smaller part, because I understand that all of that taught me what I needed to learn to get to this point.
7. The Waiting Is the Hardest Part
Patience has been one of my hardest lessons. In 2024, I came to find it’s the balancing between action and trust.
If you don’t have Tom Petty’s song in your head, google it and it will serve as a constant reminder that the waiting is the hardest part! Being a strong-willed career woman, I prided myself on making things happen. And then I realized that was not always the path. The worry, the anxiety, driven by multiple forms of fear take on a life of their own. It doesn’t matter if it’s impending good news or bad news, I go down that deep rabbit hole of thinking the universe is conspiring against me.
Trust the process – with patience. Patience didn’t just appear in my life. I had to cultivate it; I had to learn how to sit still with myself and with the universe while everyone is spinning around me and it feels like I need to take control – that’s the exact moment that I need to wait patiently.
8. Making Peace with Myself
Finding perpetual calmness of my head and my heart is of paramount importance to me. No matter what the other lessons hold, finding that middle ground, where my mind is quiet (thanks to a meditation practice) I can live more quietly and purposefully.
Inner peace is my greatest achievement. By calming my mind and heart through meditation and mindfulness, I’ve created harmony within. When my head and heart align, I feel grounded, peaceful, and purposeful.
9. A Heart Attack Can Be Good
Surviving a heart attack was a wake-up call. It connected my mind and body in ways I’d never experienced before. Such as, if I don’t exercise nothing changes, and even if I don’t want to do it, in the long run, my body feels better and so does my mind.
10. Have Grace for Others (and Myself)
Showing grace lets me stop taking things so personally. I understand other people’s actions are often about their own struggles, not mine. When I offer grace to myself, I move forward without dwelling on mistakes. I can stop being mad at the world and worrying about what I did or didn’t do. All of us are vulnerable and show it in different ways. Now I know that there is an ebb and flow to life that I must bow to and go with instead of swimming against the tide.
What’s Next:
Stay actively in love with yourself. Be the person you want to follow. Practice being present by finding gratitude in this very moment and consider how offering grace to yourself and others can open new doors. Commit to getting out of your own way and stepping boldly in the version of you that honors your true self and lets your light shine in the world.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What lessons do you bring to 2025? Have you learned anything particularly striking in 2024?
