Retirement can feel both wonderful and disorienting – joyful one moment, restless the next. Here’s what those early months are like, and how you can begin shaping a daily rhythm that feels meaningful, connected, and truly yours.
The last thing I did before retiring from my career as a professor was deliver one final conference presentation. On the drive home, I felt a swirl of emotions – excitement about the freedom ahead, gratitude for my career, and worry about how I would fill my days. I felt a deep awareness that I was stepping into a brand-new chapter.
A few days later, I went back to campus with a box for the final office purge and a handful of thank-you notes. Writing those notes to my colleagues felt like an important step in letting go.
What I left behind was my “Damnit Doll,” a floppy little paisley figure I’d occasionally whack against my desk during frustrating moments. I left it for my successor – because she’ll probably need it – and I won’t. (The doll comes with instructions: whack, repeat as necessary.)
This article follows a series I wrote leading up to my retirement. In my own first months of retirement, here’s what I’m learning. If you’re just beginning your journey, I hope these reflections help you feel less alone and inspire you to shape a daily life that truly fits who you are now.
The Honeymoon Phase of Retirement
My honeymoon phase is alive and well. It is wonderful. No alarm clock, no meetings, no deadlines. I can linger over coffee, head to a yoga class, or say yes to a spontaneous afternoon tea with a friend.
This “retirement honeymoon” is real. It’s worth savoring.
Learning to Live Between Restlessness and Spaciousness
In my first months of retirement, I’ve noticed two feelings that seem opposite – but actually go hand in hand.
Sometimes there’s only so much relaxation I need. After a while, I crave more engagement – writing, creating, or diving deeper into my coaching craft. Rest is wonderful, but fulfillment also comes from challenge and contribution.
Other times, I’ve felt a different tug: a hesitation around spaciousness itself. I imagined doing art projects every afternoon or reading each day, but instead I defaulted to to-do lists and scheduling activities – anything to create structure. One woman I coach told me that when she wakes up and sees nothing on her calendar, it feels “terrifying.” I can totally relate. After so many years of living by a schedule, unstructured time can feel intimidating.
What I’m learning – and what I also hear from the women I coach – is that this is part of the acclimation process. We’ve been trained to stay busy, so resting can feel wrong. It takes practice to release those old expectations and give yourself permission to simply be.
Reinvention, Identity, and the Opportunity to Become
When you leave behind a long career, something big shifts. It can feel like a void – or like a wide-open space. Either way, it’s an opportunity.
Retirement offers you the chance to continue the process of becoming. That might mean reconnecting with who you were before expectations shaped you, or experimenting with new hobbies and friendships until you find what fits.
The women I coach often tell me this stage feels exciting but also disorienting. Who am I without my career? What do I actually want? These big questions often lead to new joy and clarity.
There is important work here – shedding what no longer serves you, especially other people’s expectations, and asking instead: Who am I now? Who do I want to be?
That’s why I created my free resource, Who Am I Now? – a 10-minute identity reboot to help release outdated roles, reconnect with what lights you up, and design days that feel like you.
Connection Is Medicine
One of the sweetest discoveries in retirement is how much energy I have for connection. Now I can talk with my husband over coffee, meet a friend for dinner on a weeknight, and attend book club. Those moments – when we laugh, share stories, and cheer each other on – are medicine.
Connection isn’t extra in retirement; it’s foundational. If you’re feeling isolated, cultivate new and existing connections. You don’t need a packed social calendar – just a couple of anchors that make you feel truly known.
Becoming Your Own Validator
Without the built-in feedback loops of work – in my case, things like performance reviews, thank-you notes from students, or kudos on a project – you might quietly wonder, How do I feel worthy now?
Part of the emotional adjustment to retirement is learning to validate yourself. It’s about noticing what nourishes you and acknowledging it. Did your morning walk make you feel alive? Did you help a friend today? Did you try something new? Give yourself credit. You’re building a life, not chasing gold stars.
Designing Your Ideal Day
One of the most powerful practices I’ve discovered – for myself and with the women I coach – is designing your ideal day.
It starts with asking: How do I want to feel? Then explore what supports those feelings. How much social interaction do you want? How much movement? How much time for spaciousness? How much structure helps you feel grounded?
Sketching this out shows what matters – not the idealized version of retirement, but the daily rhythm that feels right now. Then, little by little, you can bring pieces of that ideal day into your life.
Permission to Be a Work in Progress
Retirement is a huge transition. Some days feel joyful. Others feel uncertain. Both are normal.
Just as I felt both excitement and fear on that drive home from my final presentation, you may feel a mix of gratitude, worry, and anticipation. The gift of retirement is learning to hold all of it – and still design a lifestyle that lights you up.
Ready to Explore Who You Are Now?
If some of this resonates – craving both rest and engagement, feeling unsure how to structure your days, or wondering how to redefine yourself now that work is behind you – you’re not alone.
That’s exactly why I created a free resource called Who Am I Now? A 10-Minute Identity Reboot. It’s a simple, thoughtful way to navigate identity shifts in retirement.
Download the Who Am I Now? guide here and begin exploring what’s possible for you.
You’ll also find other valuable resources on my website to help you navigate the emotional side of retirement with more clarity, purpose, and joy.
I’d Love to Hear from You:
What does your ideal retirement day include? What do you do when you wake up and see nothing on your calendar?
