I should have taken Robert Frost’s advice and followed The Road Not Taken. Instead, I took the path well-trod – what I thought was a safe and predictable route.
But nothing is ever really safe, is it? What’s that saying, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Take me for example. While following my path to a ‘normal and predictable’ life, by my 50s I had lost everything – my home, savings, status among my peers, and, finally, my compass. I guess I hadn’t been paying attention.
Looking back, I think my Creator was trying to tell me I was made for better things and throwing me a curveball that would rock my world – and not in a good way – would get my attention. Or maybe it was. “If I take everything away from Wendy, maybe she’ll create a life she’s worthy of.”
Starting Over in Mid-Life
Beginning again in my mid-50s was a journey in humility and courage. I read self-help books until I could have started my own mobile library. I watched YouTube videos informing me I was doing it all wrong and, if I listened to them, my future would be fast tracked to victory. These writers and practiced YouTubers were all successful business and life coaches, psychologists, motivational speakers, and the occasional charlatan. I figured with their impressive credentials, their success would rub off on me, or at least reveal the wisdom I was seeking.
I had, like so many others, bought into the $40 billion self-help industry. Why wouldn’t I? They mesmerized me with their ill-defined promises of success and happiness with books, self-improvement courses, and speaking engagements – all very motivating but unsustainable. The bigger the brand the worse the results. Gee, some of these guys were giving advice to Oprah. Something told me I was barking up the wrong tree.
After a few weeks or months, I would return to my old ways, and nothing changed except my bank balance because I had bought the book, purchased the seats for the show or paid for that instructional course that did not come with a guarantee. The results of what I was seeking didn’t show up. I obviously wasn’t smart enough and these gurus were just better than me. Time to give up.
A Fortuitous Miracle
In my search for resurrection, I came upon two books. These books ultimately changed the direction of my life.
I read American writer Elizabeth White’s book, Fifty-five, Unemployed, and Faking Normal. Elizabeth had also been struggling after being laid off, smiling when she really wanted to cry, and draining her bank accounts to stay afloat. I saw a lot of myself in her, but she had a suggestion that I hadn’t considered – a tribe of like-minded friends. She believed that companionship and sharing makes everything look less bleak and miracles possible.
I also discovered Anne Lamott’s book Bird by Bird. Anne recounted her childhood with humour and honesty rather than writing a saga of past disfunction and sadness. Her beautiful prose made me want to walk in her footsteps and write with her optimism and style.
It was at that moment I turned around and walked back to Robert Frost’s fork in the road, where the two roads diverged, and took the road less travelled and yes, it has made all the difference. I started taking my writing seriously, improving it by taking courses at a local writing centre, and changed my depressing memoir into a book of inspiration.
I began chronicling my journey from lack and despair to joy and success; a book that would encourage readers to pack up their regrets and lost opportunities and forgive themselves. My book would be a resource that would brighten the bleakest day by providing tools, ideas and companionship to help readers achieve their thrilling goals. And I would do it by achieving my own goals and sharing what I’d learned with others.
The Virtual Kitchen Table
I invited three imaginary girlfriends to share a coffee with me at my kitchen table. They would be my crew of middle-aged women warriors; my confidantes and wing women until I was brave enough to share my story with real flesh-and-blood people.
This kitchen table discussion became the inspiration for my book, A Life Postponed. Instead of a memoir or a book on “how I fixed myself and you can too,” the concept would be a conversation among women who were sharing similar leaky boats. It would be just the four of us sitting around my table, coffees in hand, dumping our collective, dismal circumstances on the tablecloth to be gathered up and placed in the trash receptacle at the back door. From now on, our discussions would be about coming up with real, tangible solutions to get the most out of our second half.
“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man [woman] says to another, “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
― C.S. Lewis
So here are a couple of suggestions for you. You can start your own kitchen table revival group – real or imagined. Get it all out, off your chest, and then start focusing on what exciting futures you will create for yourselves.
Not quite there yet? No worries. I invite you to a seat at my tribe’s virtual kitchen table. We discuss practical ideas, out-of-the-box jobs and volunteerism, resources, and above all, your new tribe. Don’t think for a moment you are alone.
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right.”
―Henry Ford
The choice is yours. A leap of faith takes courage and work. Are you ready?
Follow my YouTube channel Encore Living, join my Facebook group Women Navigating Their Second Half or visit my website wendyrichards.ca. Send me an email at wendykrichards@icloud.ca to receive the Introduction: What I Know for Sure from my new book, A Life Postponed.
Let’s Discuss:
In what ways has your life changed after 60? What curveballs have you been thrown? Where did they lead you? Which self-help books did you read to get back on your feet? Which of them actually helped you?
