I’m going to start with a simple question: “Is the world changing?” Yes, it is, especially when it comes to family. Family was an intricate part of our lives up until the early 1970s. The years beyond the 1970s took us from the “nuclear family” structure into diverse paradigms. This was influenced by social and economic changes, including the feminist and civil rights movements, rising divorce rates, and an increase in single-parent households and dual-income families.
Meanwhile, diverse family structures became more common, with more single-parent households and the rise of blended families due to higher remarriage rates. Economic factors also contributed, with more women entering the workforce out of necessity, leading to greater blurring of traditional gender roles in some families.
How Did It Affect Me?
This change of social constructs had a direct impact on how I raised my sons as a single parent.
There was a time in my life when I was following the social norm of the world. As I look back at that time in my life, I realize that I was just like others today, following what we as Christians call worldly ways.
When my eldest son turned 20 years of age, I sent him on his way. Why? Because everyone said I should. I am not pleased with myself as I look back on that decision. He struggled and had a hard time with it. But he made it by the grace of God.
If I could go back and rewrite that page, I would never send him out of the house. Instead, I would give him a fighting chance.
That is why my youngest son lives at home. I am a more mature Christian woman than I was when raising those young boys alone years ago. I no longer live my life according to the world’s standards.
The current social and economic climate is dismal at best. People are unable to afford mortgage, rent, insurance, car payments, etc. Jobs are scarce and housing is almost nonexistent. The number of unhoused people of all ages is increasing; many are turning to drugs and alcohol in despair.
In this situation, offering my son to stay at home has helped us both, and I’m happy I made that decision.
What About Self-Interest?
For years, we were more interested in sending our children out the door when they turned 18. Why? Because the social norm said that was what we should do. The social norm says, “It’s time for me to have my she cave or man cave” or “I’m turning your bedroom into an entertainment room.”
There is nothing wrong with having aspirations for self. I am not saying my way is the only way. I’m saying here is a loving alternative. Here are some steps to get you started:
- Not all parent-child relationships are black and white. Sometimes living in the same space is impossible. If that’s not your situation, consider how your adult child is living. Are they able to meet basic needs?
- How about self-evaluation? Evaluate yourself as a person and/or parent. How did you do through the years? There is always room to grow. Which areas could you improve?
- Ask hard questions in your self-evaluation. What did you do wrong? Have you confessed this to your adult child and sought forgiveness?
- Here is a tough one. Ask your children to evaluate you as a parent. Ask for honesty. I know this is going to be very hard, but keep on keeping on.
When Adult Children Live at Home
I don’t care about trendy advice like making my son pay bills, buy his own food, or tit for tat. All I wish for him is to love the Lord Jesus Christ abundantly, and I know all else will fall in place.
I am happy to say that my youngest son, who is living at home, has been a light to my darkness. He shines in every area of my life. He makes sure I’m protected and folks aren’t trying to take advantage of me. He makes sure I am moving and grooving.
There was a time in my life that I wanted to remarry. But as time went on, I changed my mind. The Lord has blessed me with sons. They will protect their mom and take care of me as I begin to age and need a little assistance. My eldest son contacts me almost daily. He is a light to my darkness as well though he lives far from me. I am grateful that he is happy to talk with me and calls me.
We are a family, and we help each other as needed. Through the grace of the Lord Jesus, I’ve come to realize that family connection should be honored and cherished, and that’s exactly what my sons and I have been doing.
Reflection Questions:
What are your thoughts about adult children living at home? Tell the community about your journey.
