There are many reasons women are single, yet the term “single woman” is still often narrowly defined – usually referring to someone who is not married and, in some cases, someone without children. But that definition barely scratches the surface of a reality that touches almost every woman’s life.
The Meaning Behind the Word
The word “single” itself comes from the Latin singulus, meaning “one” or “alone.” Over time, as societies became more structured around marriage – for stability, inheritance, and social order – the meaning shifted. It stopped being neutral and began to suggest that something was missing. For women especially, identity became closely tied to being part of a couple, and those outside of that were often viewed differently – sometimes with quiet judgment, sometimes with open reservation.
But what many women don’t always realize is this: being a single woman is not a fixed identity. It is an experience that shows up at different junctures throughout life. We all begin as single. We move in and out of it. And in more cases than not, most women will find themselves single at some point – whether through choice, circumstance, divorce, the death of a spouse, the loss of community, or even the quiet loneliness that can exist within a relationship.
The Stigma of Singlehood
There is also another layer to this conversation – one that can feel particularly unfair. Women who are single by choice are often labeled as selfish or self-involved, as if choosing independence is somehow a character flaw rather than a conscious, thoughtful decision. And while this perception reflects broader societal expectations, it can be especially painful because it so often comes from other women.
There can be a quiet harshness in how we judge one another’s paths, particularly when they don’t mirror our own. But the truth is simple: being single is not something to be ashamed of or shunned. It is something we will ALL experience at some point in our lives. So perhaps it’s time we extend a little more understanding – and a lot less judgment – to each other.
I spent many years, far too many, in corporate America. When married women needed time off to tend to family matters, it was expected that the single women would step in for them. There was a pervasive perception that women who were not married had more time on their hands and fewer commitments simply because they were on their own. They had more freedom to be more flexible when the corporate institutions expected them to be.
Also, the single label does not cut both ways – women are still labeled “old maids” or “spinsters” even to this day, while men who don’t marry are often viewed as living the fun life – confirmed bachelors by choice.
My Own Single Story
I know this not just as an observation, but as my own story. I have been labeled a “single woman” all my life, and for most of it, that has been true in the traditional sense. I’ve had long-term relationships – meaningful ones – but they ultimately did not stand the test of time. I have remained childless, partly because of circumstance, but mostly by choice.
There was one man I would have welcomed building a life with, even raising a child together, but we were young. Although we drifted in and out of each other’s lives over the years, we never quite made it work. That, too, is part of singlehood – not the absence of love, but the presence of love that wasn’t meant to last in the way we once imagined.
In Our 20s: Becoming
In our 20s, being single often feels like the natural state of things. We are just beginning – discovering who we are, what we want, and often searching for that perfect partner. Some women find love early, some later, and some never do. But at this stage, singlehood feels temporary, like a passage toward something else, even as it quietly shapes who we are becoming.
In Our 30s: The Crossroads
By our 30s, singlehood can begin to feel more defined. The world around us shifts – friends marry, start families, and social circles begin to change. The question of partnership becomes louder. Some women choose independence more consciously, while others cave to the weight of expectations. It is a decade where paths diverge, and being single can feel both empowering and, at times, isolating.
In Our 40s: Redefining
In our 40s, many women find themselves single again – through divorce, the end of long-term relationships, or a realization that something no longer fits. This is often a period of deep self-awareness. The “shoulds” begin to fall away, replaced by a clearer sense of self. Being single here is less about waiting and more about redefining – what we want, what we will accept, and how we choose to live.
In Our 50s: The Unexpected Return
For many, the 50s bring an unexpected return to singlehood. Gray divorce has become more common, reshaping lives that once felt stable and defined. Women who spent years as part of a couple suddenly find themselves on their own again. Along with the emotional impact, there is often a shift in social dynamics. Married friends may pull away, unsure of how to include someone who no longer fits the “couple” structure. Some women find themselves treated as a third wheel – or even, unfairly, as a threat to other marriages. It is a painful and often unspoken reality.
In Our 60s and Beyond: A New Identity Revisited
In our 60s and beyond, singlehood can return in one of life’s most profound ways – the death of a spouse. For women who believed they had left that identity behind, this can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory all over again. It is not the singlehood of youth, but something layered with grief, memory, and deep change.
It can also bring very practical realities into sharp focus. I am experiencing a version of that now. I am facing an upcoming surgery – nothing serious, but enough that I will need some help during recovery. I have many friends, wonderful friends, who I can rely on, just as they can rely on me. And yet, asking for help does not come easily to me. I have always been independent, self-sufficient – someone who manages on her own.
All I really need is someone to stay with me for a couple of nights. That’s it. But even that simple ask carries weight.
Recently, I was talking with a dear longtime friend who has endured many health crises over the years. She mentioned, quite naturally, that when she came home from the hospital, her husband was there to care for her. And something in me reacted before I could soften it. I heard myself say, more sharply than I intended, “I know you did – and that’s my problem. I don’t.”
Her husband, by nature, is a wonderful caregiver. Even her nurses remarked on his compassion and attentiveness – how rare and remarkable it was. And it’s true, he is a gem. She was a bit taken aback by my outburst, but she gently reminded me, “You are not alone.”
Then she brought up another friend we have both known for years – a woman who has been married for decades to a man who, on the surface, seems perfectly fine. But when she came home from a hospital stay, the reality was very different. He didn’t know how to care for her. He was impatient, detached, and more of a hindrance than a help. After more than 30 years together, he didn’t even know how she took her tea. Not the right amount of sweetener, not the right amount of cream. She ended up making it herself, doing her own laundry, and coping the best she could – alone in a house that was not empty, but felt that way.
She later said she had never felt more alone in her life.
And that is something we don’t talk about enough. Being single, especially for women, is not just a fact – it can also be a state of mind. You can be alone within a marriage just as you can be supported and deeply connected while living on your own. Having someone there is not the same as having someone who shows up for you in the ways that matter most.
What Changes, What Doesn’t, and What Matters Most
I have many single friends – some who never married, some who are divorced, and some who have lost their spouses. Over time, we have made an unspoken but deeply understood agreement: we will be there for one another as the years move forward.
Because the truth is, while we may be “single” on paper, we are not alone. We are part of a community – one that sustains us, supports us, and nurtures us in ways that matter deeply.
Across every stage of life, singlehood evolves. What changes is how we experience it – whether with hope, resilience, grief, or acceptance. What doesn’t change is its presence. It is a thread that runs through our lives, shaping us in ways both visible and unseen.
And what matters most is how we come to understand it. Not as something to explain or overcome, but as a valid, meaningful, and often powerful way of living. Because whether single by choice, by circumstance, or by life’s unexpected turns, we are not incomplete.
We are living our lives – fully, honestly, and, perhaps more connected than we ever realized, together.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How many times in your life have you been single? Through what circumstances? Do you feel lonely when single – or do you have friends by your side?
