Schizophrenia is cruel – it sneaks up on its victims with the stealth of a mountain lion – set to pounce on its prey. It is cruel because it attacks in late adolescence just when independence is on the horizon. It strips away one’s confidence, dignity and spirit. Personalities shift – lively, engaging, social people turn into paranoid insomniacs, who crave withdrawal from the world we live in. Personal hygiene is compromised and alcohol and drugs become a bridge to self-medication. Schizophrenia is a desecrater, a saboteur, a spirit-crushing cancer of the mind.
Our Son
As a little boy and into his late teens Mike, our middle child, was a joy to be around. His bright blue eyes sparkled, and he always wore a smile on his face. Sometimes, he’d giggle and act silly, which only made him more endearing. He was a popular kid who loved his family and his friends. His favourite things were jumping on the backyard trampoline, his WWF wrestlers, and playing basketball on his school and community teams.
Changes in Behaviour
After Mike’s 17th birthday, significant behavioural changes began to surface. He started smoking marijuana and drunk alcohol to excess. His friends disappeared, one by one. School became a chore that he simply could not manage. His wonderful sense of humour died… he became remote, detached, and aloof. His personal cleanliness took a nosedive. Mike went from a well-groomed, well-dressed kid who happily showered every day, to someone who seemed not to care how he looked or how he smelled.
Self-Medicating
Since Mike was drinking excessively, we accepted that he may have become an alcoholic. But, when we started to overhear him shouting in the middle of the night, having a conversation with no one, we knew we were dealing with much more than alcoholism.
Mike developed an acute sense of paranoia, believing that his ex-girlfriend spray-painted derogatory graffiti on bridge decks downtown, all about him. He told outrageous stories of men who had taken his suitcase full of money, and he was desperate to track them down. We tried to reason with our son, pointing out the obvious flaws in his stories. But he believed them with his whole heart. That’s when his dad and I realized we were in way over our heads.
Doctors, Doctors and More Doctors
We made appointments with psychologists and psychiatrists. We poured out our hearts to strangers in a desperate attempt to figure out how we could help our son. The visits were filled with talk, talk, talk, no answers and no action. After painting the picture of the changes in our son and his ongoing bizarre behaviours, all the medical health professionals could focus on was Mike’s abuse of alcohol and drugs. No one suggested that our son could be suffering from a mental illness. Not once. Not ever.
Alcohol Rehabilitation
Multiple times, Mike sought help for alcoholism. Each time out of rehab, his dad and I were thrilled and excited to see our son’s shining face, the face we’d come to know and love so much. The cloudiness behind his eyes dissipated and he was our beautiful, beaming boy again. It was immensely gratifying. But without fail, the loneliness, self-loathing and “voices in his head” crept back into his life and out of desperation, he’d return to self-medicating.
Our Faith
Soul-searching, sleepless nights and a strong belief in God held us all together. We ploughed forward – after all, one never gives up on a child. By chance, my husband met a man that was establishing a new kind of drug and alcohol rehabilitation center, and he graciously volunteered to do an assessment on our son. Mike willingly submitted to yet another rehab assignment. There was no end to his resilience and strength and his desire to be himself again.
Diagnosis
After detox, Mike was put through a battery of tests in the facility. They found him to be suffering from a mental illness and determined a dual diagnosis approach to treatment could be effective. Finally! Someone cared enough to dig a little deeper. We were hopeful. Mike was recommended for a program that housed, cared for and supported the mentally ill. A psychiatrist working with the program formally diagnosed our son with schizophrenia. Although we were so grateful for the diagnosis, schizophrenia is a severe, extremely serious and debilitating mental illness. Mike had a long road ahead of him. But at last, he knew and we knew what we were dealing with.
A Home of His Own
Mike was placed into a decent and clean apartment, supported entirely by the kind souls that worked for the program. He loved his new home! He received life-changing medication by injection which he initially fled from but eventually accepted. It changed his life. He held down a steady job at a gas station near his apartment. He had an immediate group of friends; others that were in the program. He could walk to shopping or for coffee with one of his buddies. He became stable and was content for the first time in forever.
Welcome: Stability
We had eleven years of stability. Eleven years of Mike regularly attending Sunday family dinners. Eleven years of meeting him in front of the movie theatre to watch an afternoon film. Eleven years of analyzing Blue Jays baseball games with him. Each and every day during those eleven years, my husband and I thanked God and prayed that our boy would continue along this path of acceptance, healing and renewal. From our beautiful son, we lived and learned resilience.
Unravelling Physical Health
But Mike’s physical health began to deteriorate. Years and years of drinking alcohol to excess, and years and years of taking heavy psyche meds took its toll on his body. Mike left us on March 14, 2018, his soul lifted to heaven. Our hearts were shattered. Our lives altered forever. Our faith fills us with the knowledge that Mike is at peace and that we will be with him again one day. Eight years later, we’re still learning to live without him.
What Is Schizophrenia?
I can tell you what it is not. It is not “split personality.” It is not necessarily violent… not everyone with this cruel mental illness is a serial killer. Mike was never, ever violent. He was kind, caring, and compassionate to a fault, opening his heart to everyone he knew. We were so proud he was our son.
Please Join the Conversation:
Do you have a loved one or friend with mental illness? If so, how has it changed them? How does it all affect you and your relationship with them?
