During times of transition,
feelings of nostalgia are pronounced.
We yearn for what was.
Bonding with colleagues at work.
Evenings at the pub with good friends. Precious, fleeting moments with children
and family. It’s easy to indulge in a whirlpool of remembering when.
This is particularly true when
navigating through the end of a career into our next act. Whether moving into a
traditional or hybrid retirement – it’s a shock to the system. It changes the
contours of our everyday existence, leaving us suddenly vulnerable.
A dive into an idealized past
can be just the thing that provides a healing balm.
Nostalgia: A Double-Edged Sword
In a past article, Robert Yaniz, Jr. said, “Nostalgia inspires more connectivity with others, greater self-esteem and more empathy for those in need.”
But nostalgia exists in two
forms: reflective and restorative. And of the two, only one type – reflective
nostalgia – holds a benefit for us.
According to Hal McDonald, PhD.,
in Psychology Today, reflective nostalgia helps us
“accept the fact that the past is the past.” We can’t change it.
Restorative nostalgia, on the
other hand, is an obsessive indulgence. It takes flight when nostalgic thoughts
stimulate a need to restore our experiences. Recreate the past.
But as the saying goes, you
can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube.
The truth is, if we can’t
disconnect from memories, we prevent ourselves from processing whatever current
feelings of loss we feel since ‘moving on’.
How the Media Unwittingly Supports the Dark Side of Nostalgia
Media output can serve as an
enabler to those with restorative nostalgia. It’s easy to fall victim to
advertisers who manipulate us through the purposeful use of nostalgia.
Think of hot, velvety chocolate
drizzled slowly over a Bing cherry. The tightly woven harmonies of the
Backstreet Boys as they sing to the joys of skinny jeans. Or a team of
regal Clydesdales bowing in humble respect at the sight
of the Statue of Liberty.
Touching moments like these are
calculated to drive us back to the past. To a familiar era.
But what if the reverse occurs?
What if the idea of feasting on
chocolate-covered cherries becomes an opportunity to body-shame one’s self?
What might you feel like when
age and body type make it unlikely you’ll ever wear a pair of skinny jeans
again?
Or, if that elegant bow to Lady
Liberty jars harsh memories of a September 11th morning when liberty itself was
threatened.
Negative self-talk can harm
self-esteem and lead to depression.
What to Do About Nostalgia Depression
Women.com writer Sophie Matthews
shares her personal wisdom about nostalgia-related depression with these coping
mechanisms:
Lean into the Memory
Remember your experiences fully.
Don’t fixate on one negative feeling that can influence the recollection of an
entire experience. At all times, try to remain in the present.
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Talk it out with a loved one who
went through the experience with you. Someone who understands your life on a
deep level. Your view of the incident might not be accurate. Another set of
eyes and ears can provide a needed perspective.
Take the Lesson to Heart
Think of the experience as a
privileged learning in the vein of what doesn’t kill you makes you
stronger. Yes, you bruised your proverbial knee. But you’ve gained insight.
It’s time to move on. Own the memory. Don’t let it own you.
Be on a Nostalgia Stakeout
It’s a good idea to confront the negative aspects of restorative nostalgia, head-on.
If a memory is occupying too large of a space in your psyche, you have options:
Fill Your Days
Be planful. Stay busy. Move
toward positive objectives. Current success can improve negative impressions
that we harbor toward ourselves.
Change Your Mindset
If a past issue can be rectified
today, then work toward a resolution. Reclaim the high-ground.
Focus on What’s Good
Don’t obsess on the negative
events of the past. Self-discipline can move you away from what’s causing the
pain.
Seek Balance
Balance is your best friend.
Take care of yourself. Eat well. Rest. Exercise. Try to disconnect from your
problems.
While I believe Socrates was on
the money when he said, “An unexamined life is not worth living,” I believe
that an over-examined life can be just as damaging.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How often do you catch yourself
reminiscing about the past? Do you tend to recall good memories or bad ones?
Why do you think that is? What are you nostalgic about when it comes to your
career/work life? Please share in the comments below.
