Loneliness is a funny thing; it can sneak up on you when you least expect it. Have you found that you’re not socializing as much at this point in your life?

Maybe you’ve stepped away from your full-time job where people were only a fingertip away, and now you have to stretch much further to make connections. If you’re retired or working independently from home, loneliness is a real problem with significant side effects.

When I thought about loneliness and did research on this topic, I assumed that being lonely would create people eager for connections and wanting to seek friendships. But the opposite is what I found out to be true.

Loneliness is draining, upsetting, and distracting. Loneliness is NOT the same as wanting to be alone which can often bring positive attributes such us solitude, peace, and renewal.

It turns out that loneliness is a significant reason for unhappiness, and it’s important to know why we’re lonely to address it.

In fact, according to Elizabeth Bernstein’s Wall Street Journal piece, “Alone or Lonely,” the rate of loneliness has doubled in the past 30 years. I’m not too surprised by this statistic, especially when you think of how life and communities have changed.

Many Different Types of Loneliness

• If you just moved to a new city, it makes sense that you’re lonely.
• If you feel different than other people, you may feel isolated.
• If you have family and friends but no deep intimate relationship, you may still feel lonely.
• Maybe you’re too busy or lack trust in others or want some peace after a hectic and full life.

The Solution Depends on the Situation

Luckily there are many ways to change your habits so you can combat the situation. According to a study published in the PLOS Medicine journal in 2010, people with social relationships are not only happier but live more than 50 percent longer than the rest of us!

This alone is a great reason to change some habits! One thing is for certain, they all take a level of motivation, strength, and willingness to break old habits and establish new ones.

Get Better Sleep

Quality of sleep is detrimental. Yes, sleep. One of the most common indicators of loneliness is poor quality sleep, including taking a long time to fall asleep, waking up a lot during the night, and feeling sleepy during the day.

Sound familiar? Lack of sleep makes you grumpy, lowers your energy, and increases your likelihood of getting sick.

Create an Engaging Social Environment

Connect with other people. Join a book club, sign up for Pilates class, chat with the check-out person. Make a people connection during the day, every day.

Make a Difference in Your Community

Nurture others, including animals and plants. Volunteer, teach a class, attend a class, babysit, get a pet, fill your house with plants, tend the garden. There are so many ways to nurture in this world, and the love returned is twofold.

Open Up Your Heart and Mind

Unfortunately, loneliness can make people feel cynical, judgmental, and critical of others. It’s important to be aware of these traits in case you see them developing in you. It turns out that lonely people are less accepting of others.

Try Something Entirely New

Have you considered going to a retreat where you would meet like-minded women? A safe place to explore new ideas and to feel empowered? Why not inspire your well-being through unique experiences designed just for you? There are many events just for women like you.

Meditate

Meditation is your best friend. The sheer act of meditating makes us feel connected to everything and everyone. Meditation cancels out the mental, emotional, and physical effects of loneliness. Even though our friends may walk in and out of our life, meditation is always here to stay.

Finding a retreat of likeminded women to spend some time with is fun and beneficial. The sheer act of participating with others in activities to nourish your soul will and does change your life forever – not to mention the lifelong friends you can make.

If you’re interested in finding some fantastic life-changing and beautiful retreat opportunities, contact me HERE.

Most of us at some point in our life have suffered from loneliness. Have you found any good habits that worked for you to combat this dreaded feeling? Which habits were easy to achieve, and which required more work on your part? Please share with our wonderful community!

Melissa Gorga’s Warrior Sweatshirt at the Jersey Shore

Season 10 Episode 14 Real Housewives of New Jersey Fashion

Besides being super cute, Melissa Gorga’s “Warrior” sweatshirt is actually very fitting for tonight’s episode of Jersey Shore The Real Housewives of New Jersey in our opinion. Because as one knows, you really do need an excellent set of fighting skills to get through a trip with these ladies just as much as you would have needed them to get to this cute hoodie before it sold out.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her Sold Out Spiritual Gangster Sweatshirt

Originally posted at: Melissa Gorga’s Warrior Sweatshirt

Margaret Josephs’ White Sequin Dress in Confessionals

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 10 Fashion

The great thing about the outfits that the Real Housewives wear in confessionals is that since the footage is normally filmed after the actual episode is, pieces like Margaret Josephs’ white sequin dress are still in stock (at the time of posting). A white sequin dress is great because it can be worn in the winter and spring, and perhaps even to a white party during an unseasonably cold summer night. And even though I think Margaret has styled it perfectly with a high pony, if you choose to steal her style right down to the hair just make sure you don’t rock this look anywhere that Danielle Staub is allowed within 500 feet in attendance.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to Shop her Bailey 44  Sequin Dress

Originally posted at: Margaret Josephs’ White Sequin Dress

Ever been in a situation like this before?

You don’t pick up the phone in time and when you call the person back, the first words out of your mouth are “I’m sorry.”

You bring store-bought cupcakes to your friend’s party and you utter, “I’m sorry.”

You vent to a good friend about something happening in your life, and you say, “Sorry for rambling.”

Notice the pattern going on?

You’re apologizing. Way too much. And it’s those apologies that are impeding your divorce recovery.

Uncomfortable Truth #1: We’re Raised to Be People-Pleasers

We are natural caregivers. From an early age, you were most likely following your mother around, hoping to help her out, or taking care of your younger siblings. Or, you may have had a parent say to you at one time, “I need you to watch your brother/sister and make sure they don’t get into trouble.”

So, what did you do? Most likely, in order to make your mom “proud” of you, you did everything you could to please her. That mentality probably stuck. You probably worked hard to get good grades to get your parents’ and your teachers’ approval. Because you didn’t want to disappoint them.

That mentality carried over into adulthood. You did everything to be a good partner and a good mother because you didn’t want to disappoint anybody. Society put unrealistic expectations on you to be a Stepford Wife.

You were given a choice to either give up your career to be a stay-at-home mom, never getting paid or recognized for all the work you were doing, or to have a career, where you were still expected to do most of the household and child-rearing work.

And the only way to avoid disappointing others, and to shield yourself from conflict, was to say, “I’m sorry.”

Even when it wasn’t your fault. Or didn’t warrant an apology.

Uncomfortable Truth #2: We Were Never Taught to Put Ourselves First

Can you think of any time when you were growing up that your mom, or dad, or teacher, or some other adult close to you sat you down, and said, “Your dreams and goals matter just as much as anybody else’s. Let your voice be heard.”

Instead, you were probably raised to be obedient and to not make a scene. Which is why, when we get divorced, we feel this crazy unnecessary guilt.

You’ve probably heard the regular, “Oh, what a shame! You two have been married for so long!” Or, “Can’t you find a way to work it out? Your retirement will be so much harder now!”

Ever find yourself saying “I’m sorry” as a response? To keep the peace?

Well, what about your feelings? And your happiness?

If you’re not sure where to even begin with being happy and not paralyzed by guilt, there’s one thing you must do.

Put yourself first for a change.

Here’s what you need to know.

There are dangers to saying “I’m Sorry.”

Danger 1: Frivolous Apologizing Is a Signal That People Can Take Advantage of You

The reflexive apology you say sends the signal to that other person that you’re:

• Willing to accept the blame for something you didn’t do;
• Sending them an invitation to wrong you or disrespect you again, because they don’t have to be held accountable for their actions.

Danger 2: Constantly Apologizing Makes It Harder to Stand Up for Yourself

Even when you’re in a benign situation where you think you’re expressing regret, and you’re not saying “sorry” to keep the peace, there’s still an underlying danger.

Danger 3: Apologizing Puts Somebody Else’s Pain on You

A simple “I’m sorry” may make you feel like you’re making a situation better, but what you’re actually doing is taking that person’s pain and shouldering it for them. That’s not helpful for anyone in that situation, and there are other ways to express support than just apologizing.

Alternatives to “I’m sorry.”

These alternative phrases do double duty in the best way possible. First, they convey the empathy for another person without shouldering their pain. And second, they reinforce your boundaries without giving them up in the name of diffusing conflict or placating someone.

Example #1: If your ex, your current partner, or a friend says they’re angry at something.

Instead of: “I’m sorry.”

Say: “Are you upset at something? Let’s discuss the matter.”

Example #2: When someone is having a hard time.

Instead of: “I’m sorry.”

Say: “It sucks that you’re going through this hard time. Please know that I’m here if you need anything.”

Example #3: You’re 15 minutes late to a meeting.

Instead of: “Sorry I’m so late.”

Say: “Thanks for your patience.”

Example #4: If there is a miscommunication between you and someone.

Instead of: “I’m sorry for bothering you.”

Say: “There seems to be a communication issue here. What can we do to get this back on track?”

Example #5: If you bump into someone or are trying to get through a crowd.

Instead of: “I’m sorry.”

Say: “Excuse me. I need to get through.”

See how that works? You’re acknowledging empathy, but not at the expense of your well-being. Plus, you’re asserting your own needs and internalizing that you matter.

It can be challenging to shake off years of social conditioning. But at the end of the day, remember that you are not responsible for pleasing everybody, especially when it comes at the expense of them disrespecting you and taking advantage of you.

As you recover from divorce, remember that you matter, and that you can express sympathy in ways that are authentic that continue to build you up, not tear you down.

What do you think about apologetic behavior? Do you apologize too much, especially when you don’t need to? What can you say instead of “I’m sorry” next time? Please share your thoughts with our community!

Culture is trending more casual than ever before. Men and women used to dress up just to go downtown and do their shopping. Now – at least in some parts of the world – it’s not at all unusual to see folks shopping in their pajamas.

What comes to your mind when you think of a “casual” outfit? If you think “sloppy,” “thrown together,” or “blasé,” it’s time to redefine this modern style.

Instead, think smart casual. You want an easygoing outfit that’s informal and low-pressure. But you still care about each item in your ensemble. And you’re focused on nailing the fit for a flattering look.

When you find the right upgraded, smart casual style for yourself, you’ll always look modern and stunning – even if you’re wearing a very simple outfit. Here’s how to do it.

Clever Accessories

Something as simple as jeans and a T-shirt can become a striking outfit with the right accessories. Imagine you’re going out for a casual lunch with friends. What can you do to upgrade your basic look while keeping it fun and low-key?

Add Color

Bright accessories that add a pop of color to your outfit instantly transform your style. Instead of matching the color of your clothing, go with a bold complementary hue that stands out. Wearing white? Choose a bright red or cobalt blue accessory. Wearing black? Jewel tones and pastels will look great.

Add Shine

Silver and gold accessories may seem more formal, but they pair well with casual outfits too. A simple gold chain and bracelet combo makes a basic outfit feel more refined. Combine shine and color with a gold chain and gem pendant.

The subtle touch shows you gave forethought to your casual attire and makes you stand out for all the right reasons.

Add Size

Big, bold, chunky accessories are fun and go perfectly with a casual look. Instead of going with multiple understated bracelets, use one with a large band or beads to create a striking look. This is a great opportunity to go bold with color too.

Focus on Fit

Casual shouldn’t mean sloppy. You can look great in a low-key outfit if it fits well and accentuates your natural features.

Unfortunately, this is where many women struggle in their casual style. Finding the right fit can be a never-ending battle – especially if you wear plus size clothing or you prefer a bit more length or coverage. What can you do to focus on fit in your casual wardrobe?

Shop for Fit First

Even if you love the color or cut, it’s never going to look good on you if the fit is wrong. This applies to casual clothes just as much as formal attire. Purchasing clothes that look nice but fit poorly will only add more frustration to your wardrobe.

Know Your Measurements

If you’re shopping online, you need to know your measurements and compare them with sizing guides before you buy. That way you won’t have to deal with disappointing purchases and frustrating returns.

Go Handmade

Cookie cutter sizing leaves most women wearing clothing that doesn’t fit quite right. That’s especially true for plus sizes – they’re often just expanded versions of smaller sizes.

For a better fit, go with boutique plus size designers that work with handmade clothing. Etsy shops are great places to find unique casual plus size clothing.

Make Alterations

Have a few tops, skirts, or dresses that you absolutely love but don’t fit just right? Have them altered locally by a seamstress. That way you can keep wearing your beautiful casual clothing, but it will fit even better and really make you look amazing.

Keep Casual Fun and Easy

Remember, your casual outfits should be fun, easy, and beautiful. You deserve to feel gorgeous everyday, not just when you’re heading to a formal event.

Use these tips to upgrade your casual attire while staying true to its low-key nature. With just a few touches, you can turn even simple ensembles into an opportunity to show off your beautiful, unique style.

When do you go casual? How do you upgrade your casual outfits? What striking accessories do you use most often to spark up a casual outfit? Please share in the comments below.