In My Darkest Days: How Writing Gave Me a Way Through Grief
You don’t always know what will carry you through grief until you’re in it.
For me, it wasn’t advice or distractions or even time – at least not at first. It was writing. In the quiet moments, when the house felt too still and the weight of loss pressed in, I found myself reaching for a pen or my laptop. Not because I had anything profound to say, but because I needed somewhere for the pain to go.
Grief Doesn’t Follow Rules
Grief can be chaotic. It’s unpredictable and overwhelming. It messes with your mind, your nervous system, your body, and your life.
Even if you think you have your feelings under control, grief hits hard. I use a Feelings Wheel to help me acknowledge and name my feelings at any given moment. However, when dealing with grief it didn’t take me long to realize those feelings changed daily. Or sometimes hourly. It was hard to keep up with the feelings that came with grief.
Writing became a lifeline for understanding my feelings. Sometimes, it was also a way to walk away and let go for a while.
Why Writing Became My Safe Place
Writing gave me a private, judgment-free space where nothing was expected of me, and I didn’t need to fix anything. No one bothered me when I was in my bedroom writing. I didn’t even answer my phone.
I usually wrote in my journal but sometimes my fingers tapped out my thoughts on the laptop. Either way, I felt release. Once I had transferred everything from my mind to the paper or computer, I felt free of the burdens of the emotions and feelings that weighed me down. Even if only temporarily.
My body would calm down, my breathing slowed down, my mind got a reprieve from the heavy burdens of grief. Writing became my safe space.
Putting Pain into Words Helped Me Process It
I would often write about the emotions that I had identified from my Feelings Wheel. Initially, I felt abandonment, emptiness, and guilt. Writing about these emotions helped me make sense of them. Grief is a broad concept that needs to be broken down and reflected on.
Getting these emotions out of my head and onto paper gave me another reprieve from the grief.
Interestingly, I discovered by accident that writing about anything else but grief was also comforting. I guess it occupied my brain and gave me a reprieve from the complicated feelings of grief.
I wrote stories about my childhood and researched articles about a variety of topics. Just the process of writing seemed to put some distance between my feelings and my thoughts.
What I Actually Wrote (It Wasn’t Pretty or Perfect)
My thoughts weren’t perfect. It didn’t matter if I was on my laptop or writing with my pen. It was a mess. I can still see where tears landed on my journal pages.
I wrote messy thoughts about anger and confusion sometimes.
I wrote about my memories and how things would be different now. Honestly, I didn’t write about gratitude and feeling thankful for these memories because that wasn’t what I was genuinely feeling at the time.
I was too angry and confused to think about gratitude.
I had questions… mostly why? It didn’t feel fair.
How Writing Helped Me Begin to Heal
I’m not healed by any means. I still suffer from grief. But I don’t cry every day now. And I don’t need private time to “get myself together” every day now.
I don’t even use my Feelings Wheel every day anymore. My feelings have settled down. My nervous system has settled down. I can sleep most nights, and I can even smile again.
Writing has helped me move forward without grief controlling my life – without all the feelings that come with it. In a matter of weeks, I can look at the Feelings Wheel and see happy feelings for the first time in quite a while.
I know there is research about how writing helps grief, but I have now lived it personally and found it to have much more meaning.
If You’re Walking Through Grief Right Now
If you are walking through grief, I encourage you to try writing as a way to process your thoughts and feelings. See if it works for you like it worked for me.
Write about your feelings, your thoughts, your anger, your memories. Write your questions. And even the answers if you want to. Write all your theories. Get those crippling thoughts out of your head so you can move on with life.
You can even try some creative writing or research projects that distance your mind from grief.
Writing is not going to heal you or take away your grief completely. But writing helped me move past the crippling sadness, so I was able to see the light again.
Sometimes healing doesn’t come from having the right answers. Sometimes it comes from giving your heart a place to speak.
Writing became more than just a way to release my thoughts – it became a quiet companion in some of my hardest moments. It helped me sort through what felt impossible to understand and gave me a small sense of steadiness when everything else felt uncertain.
Healing didn’t happen all at once. But little by little, putting words on the page helped me move forward.
And maybe it can do the same for you.
Related Reading: Grief, Loss, and Loneliness After 60: How to Finally Heal.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you ever turned to writing during a difficult time? Or is this something you might be willing to try? I’d love to hear what has helped you through your hardest moments. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.
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