In response to a recent article about reasons not to date common in women over 60, I received this comment:
“All valid points. What is holding me back is my weight (overweight now) and having been celibate for over 10 years, the thought of intimacy. My body has cellulite, rolls of fat, wrinkles, spots, etc.”
Unfortunately, this is one of the most common concerns among older women re-entering the dating scene – especially after a certain age.
If you are one of those women who looks in the mirror and criticizes what you see – your face, neck, arms, breasts, hips, thighs, tummy, tush, or veins, your wrinkles, your age spots, or your rolls (oh, the list goes on!) – you are not alone.
But you do have a poignant choice to make.
My Moment of Truth
I had my own moment of truth years ago, long before I was coaching women over 50 in dating and relationships. I was looking in the mirror, hating what I saw, and slowly abandoning my intimate life – not because I wasn’t interested, but because of body changes and not wanting to deal with the whole fact of having a body!
What I chose next changed everything. (I’ll tell you what that was in a moment.)
As a Dating Coach for Women Over 60
I’ve now coached thousands of women our age on dating, self-worth, and body confidence. Out of the 34 possible obstacles to finding and maintaining healthy love, this one – poor body satisfaction and low self-esteem around appearance – is on almost everyone’s list.
And here’s the inflection point you face. You have 3 choices:
Choice #1: Give Up
You can keep beating yourself up, blaming age, metabolism, social media, and Western culture for your insecurities. You can stay in the cycle of shame eating, overanalyzing your body size, and comparing yourself to younger women.
With this choice, you are likely to go in for quick fixes from the wellness industry or flirt with plastic surgery ideas, only to feel temporarily hopeful – and then you’ll be right back to “giving up.” You’ll feel powerless, and you’ll surround yourself with others who validate that powerlessness, but deep down you’ll know you are cheating yourself of some sorely needed self-love.
Choice #2: Accept Your Body Exactly as It Is
This one takes real courage. It means asserting that your physical appearance is not a problem to be solved.
The right person – the right match – will love you exactly as you are.
There are men who love rolls, don’t even notice cellulite, and think wrinkles are sexy.
Self-love and acceptance are magnetic. Your body language, your laughter, and how you carry yourself at a dinner date or when meeting new people on dating apps will reveal your self-love and make you attractive.
Reminder: Men aren’t nearly as critical as you are of yourself. (If you don’t believe me, read my post on what men actually want.)
Choice #3: Change What You Can, Accept What You Can’t
This one is the hardest – and the most balanced. It starts by acknowledging that, yes, your body changes over time. Fat distribution shifts. Hormonal changes and menopause alter your body in countless ways.
But you can influence your physical fitness, your well-being, and your attitude toward yourself. Small consistent actions – a daily walk, strength training, how you eat and drink – boost body confidence and vitality faster than any “quick fix.”
This was the choice I made. It started by changing my relationship to sugar, because it was doing the most damage to my body, moods, and self-esteem. As soon as I cut sugar, I felt better, rested better, slimmed down, and started to feel sexy again.
You, too, can feel sexually attractive, powerful, and desirable again.
The Truth About Attraction and Confidence
Here’s what I’ve learned in my years of experience coaching women daters:
The less you think of yourself, the lower caliber partner you attract.
Your perceived dating pool reflects your own level of self-love. It’s just another reason to really focus on how you treat yourself before turning your attention to the attention of others.
Finding and enjoying love after 60 isn’t about changing this or that about your body shape, per se; it’s about reclaiming true body satisfaction and feeling as alive and in your power as humanly possible.
Want to learn a better way of dating, one that helps save you from repeated disappointments? I made this free webinar for you.
You’ve lived through more than most people. You’re wiser, braver, and more capable of deep intimacy than ever before. So please – don’t let negative body image rob you of your next great love story.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How has your body image reflected on your dating life? Has it stopped you from meeting new people? What would body confidence look like to you?
