Have you had your feelings hurt lately by someone close to you? Or had a heated exchange with an old friend? Did you say something you regret to someone you care about and damage the relationship? Do you sometimes feel angry, negative or discontent, causing you to lash out for no acceptable reason?
I certainly have; and according to the women in my circle, we’re not the only ones. There seems to be a rash of women in our era having disagreements serious enough to end long-term relationships.
Changes in Relationships
This came as a surprise to me. I honestly thought once I got to this stage in my life, my friendships would be permanently cemented. But I’ve noticed recently that some of my closest relationships are not as fulfilling as they used to be.
I also realize I can be inexplicably short-tempered and critical with these women. The same women who I supported in the last few decades and who supported me through careers, relationships and the realities of young life. But now, for some reason, we get on each other’s nerves.
We All Go Through Changes
There are many reasons why aging women find themselves experiencing a shift in mood. Hormones or the lack of, poor physical health, social isolation and loss all contribute to the quality of our mental health and outlook.
It’s difficult to be nice when we wake up feeling stiff or sad. It’s hard to be considerate when we’re worried about our finances, physical wellbeing in the future or spend so much time idle and alone that we forget how to play nice with others.
Is There Something We Can Do?
This era of life with all of its changes can be difficult, but we can take steps to improve how we feel and how we interact with others. These things come to my mind and I’ve tried to practice many to some degree of success.
Take Care of Ourselves Physically
Chronic pain, brain fog and lethargy affect our emotional state and mood. Eating well and getting enough sleep is a good start.
Get Regular Physical Exercise
It reduces cortisol and recent studies show flexing muscles release mood-improving hormones into the bloodstream.
Enjoy Time in the Sun
Spend time in the sunlight to get a daily boost of serotonin, a hormone that elevates mood.
Be Aware of Miscommunication
When someone says something hurtful, ask for clarification before reacting. Perhaps you misunderstood the intention of what was said.
Look for Positive Criticism
When someone you trust says something that seems critical, look for truth in the words. If you find there is some truth to the criticism, perhaps it is appropriate to apologize or make changes. If there is no truth to be found, try to take the words with a grain of salt.
Compassion May Be in Order
There is an old saying, People see us not as we are but as they are. Unkind words can come from those living in fear or pain. Often, there is a need for compassion.
Not All Friendships Are Meant to Live on Forever
If, when we think of losing that person from our lives, we feel sad about what we once meant to each other rather than missing what we currently share, it may be time to let the relationship go.
Avoid Over Consuming Alcohol
Our inhibitions are chemically affected when we indulge and the chances of saying something we might regret go up with every sip.
Sensitivity to a Specific Person
Notice when a certain person’s company sets you on edge, perhaps it is time to take a break from the friendship.
Give Upsets Time to Resolve
We can overreact when our feelings are hurt, and speaking up in the moment could lead to a deeper rift than if we give each other a chance to cool off.
Bring in a Referee
Ask an impartial friend to help you understand the situation and try to find a fair and suitable resolution.
Choose Honesty
Be honest but choose your words carefully.
We’re all learning how best to live in an aging body while being confronted with life’s challenges as we strive to live each day to its fullest. Hopefully, we can do so with compassion and humor, preserving everyone’s self-respect.
Further read, Do You Have 8 Minutes? Finding the Time for Friends.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you had a long-term friendship fall out? Were there important reasons for the break-up, or was it caused by little things?
