In our youth too many of us thought ourselves unattractive. Now, at this stage of our lives, when we look back on photos of our teenage years – wearing those scandalous miniskirts, tube tops with bell bottoms, crowned by long straggly or wild hair – we think, “Wow! I was a hottie! Look how beautiful I actually was!”
Throughout our lifetime we tend to get stuck in ideas about what constitutes beauty – ideas that were forged during those insecure teenage years when our identities were still forming. Those insecurities were – and still are – fostered by comparison. We compared ourselves with someone’s version of what was ideal.
‘Twas ever thus… but even more so in this digital age.
The bread and butter of the entertainment industry, social media “influencers,” and advertising executives is convincing us that in order to stay visible we must keep buying what they are selling. If we want to have a happy life, we must be thin, have perfect skin, and above all, stay “sexy.” And, of course, they have just the product to make that happen. Charles Revson, the founder of Revlon, described it as selling “hope in a jar.”
Whose Definition of Beauty?
Traditionally, what constituted physical beauty among women was determined by such things as symmetrical and un-exaggerated facial features, a healthy (and not emaciated-looking) body, thick glossy hair, perfect teeth, and flawless skin. If you look back on the beauty queens of the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, that was pretty much what you would see.
But through the lens of our evolving understanding, we see that they all looked rather similar… and possibly a little boring. Our current concepts of beauty have expanded. No longer a homogenous and mono-cultured gene pool, we recognize that there are different standards and qualities that constitute what is considered beauty.
We have seen how much beauty there can be in the muscular body of an Olympic champion. We have heard someone say, “she’s a beautiful person,” and we instantly sense that what they mean is that she is a warm and loving soul.
There are things we can do to maintain our physical attributes as we age. But there is so much more that is not dependent on those attributes.
Redefining Beauty
Maintaining a healthy outlook is probably as – or possibly even more – important, than beauty routines. Our emotions impact all areas of our lives enormously. Over time, our emotions create the face that the world sees. A furrowed brow tells the world one thing about ourselves. Smile lines and laugh “crinkles” around the corners of the eyes say another. The eyes often tell the story. There is beauty in the sparkle and enthusiasm in a person’s eyes.
There is beauty in the people who stay engaged and aware of the world around them, who stay informed of new ideas and discoveries. They simply become more attractive to others. People who have a good sense of humor – especially about themselves – are not only attractive, but they are also easier to be around.
Finding beauty in yourself can be as simple as learning to appreciate the things you take for granted but that others may find charming: your beautiful hands, your gutsy or wicked laugh, your strong gait, the tenderness in your eyes.
We feel and sense that someone is beautiful when they are open-hearted, giving, kind, loving, regardless of their wrinkles or the size or shape of their body. A child held in the loving arms of a grandmother sees only beauty, because to that child, the love in her eyes is the most beautiful thing in the world.
How Do We Stay Physically “Beautiful”?
Well, yes, there are things we can do to be more attractive. And there’s certainly nothing narcissistic in that. Taking care of ourselves is the way we honor the gift of creation. Besides the unavoidable vicissitudes of life, staying healthy is probably the most important part of staying beautiful. One way is to pay attention to our oral health as it is a reflection of and contributor to digestive and cardiovascular health.
Good posture sends a subliminal message to the world that you value yourself and are healthy and vital. Yoga and stretching exercises are highly effective at improving our posture. Developing healthy muscles will not only protect your bone health, but they help prevent instability in your balance. Pilates exercises are a powerful method to develop muscular balance and strength.
Struggling with debilitating or serious health issues is often a challenge. But especially because of them, there are little things we must do to improve our sense of well-being. A sense of well-being makes us feel more attractive.
As much as possible, we need to keep doing the little aesthetic routines that make us feel good about ourselves. Exfoliating our drier and aging skin and applying a soothing oil after our daily shower or bath is a luxurious treat that can trigger happy brain chemicals. Getting – or giving ourselves – a manicure, getting our hair trimmed regularly, or simply making sure that our clothing is well cared for so that we don’t appear to have given up on life are all things that contribute to staying attractive.
But frankly, one of my favorite memes, and I wish I knew who created it, says: “I used to be young and beautiful… now I’m just beautiful.” So, imagine looking back on yourself 10 years from now, remember who you are now, and think, Yes, I was beautiful then… and I am still beautiful now.
Let’s Talk:
Do you still consider yourself beautiful? How has your concept of beauty changed over the years? What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful?
