We make choices. Thousands of them. Every day. Some are automatic. Others, we ponder. And a few, the hard choices, stop us in our tracks.
I’m Immortal, Okay? But…
This week I was faced with the task of filling out an Advanced Directive document. It’s the paperwork that lets others know how I want to die. Do I want to be resuscitated? Well… that depends… However, the questions do not include case scenarios. It’s just, do you want CPR? A feeding tube? Blood transfusions… yes, or no?
I’m an advocate of living life to the fullest and I have to admit, I did an initial read-through and was overwhelmed with a sense of dread. I don’t think about endings; I prefer the present. I stuck the offensive thing in a drawer. It was too depressing, too much to process. The next day, determined to get it over with, I tried again.
There Were So Many Decisions to Make
First, I could name one or two people who would make those end-of-life choices for me. Choose those people and, poof! Done. I’d never have to deal with it.
Or, option number two: fill out the answers to all those tough questions and be my own decision-maker.
Since there is no one in my life that I want to stick with the unsavory task of determining how I die, I remained true to my do-it-yourself nature and started imagining worst-case scenarios and how I’d like them handled.
It baffles me that in a reality where there are so many unknowns but death is a given, why we don’t pay more attention to it earlier on? It seems we just run ourselves right up to the finish line and, “Oh! Hello Death. Fancy meeting you here!” as though we’re surprised that at 95 years old, or 102, we might be nearing the end.
That’s a bit of an exaggeration. Forgive me. I’m 74 and I am just beginning to give bandwidth to the idea that I should do a bit of advanced planning, that perhaps my immortality has an expiration date.
It’s Interesting to Me How Differently We Approach These Final Decisions
Some care deeply about prolonging life in all possible ways and are particular about how their remains are handled post-mortem.
On the other hand, I continue to do what I want whether my aging body likes it or not. I do not want my life to continue if doing so would mean disabilities of any kind. If I cannot live with a fair amount of independence, I don’t want to live. Therefore, my answers landed in the do not resuscitate column. And once my life force has departed, science can do whatever it wants with my body. It’s no longer of use to me.
I Finished, Signed Off, and Breathed a Sigh of Relief
But the finality of death now haunts me, and I can’t help thinking about other choices I could be making. A Will might be a good idea, or a letter to my daughters outlining my wishes for the tangible goods I leave behind.
Gloomier possibilities exist. What do I want in the event of memory loss? What if I am not terminally ill, but have deteriorating abilities and need help? The what-ifs exist all through our lives. That’s what I mean about starting sooner to think things through and make decisions rather than leaving it all to the final chapter.
We don’t do that because youth is oblivious, and, like me, immortal. I’ve always chosen to gamble on good fortune, a somewhat risky mixture of optimism and denial. But a serious look at what might be ahead is overdue. It’s no longer a gamble, but a given: death is in the cards and I want to be prepared.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Are you prepared for things that are inevitable – such as death? How did you prepare? What decisions are the most difficult for you in the end-of-life planning? Do you prefer to leave your last hours/months/years up to someone else to decide?
