Your best years aren’t behind you – they’re waiting to be designed. Here’s how one simple framework can help you build a retirement that feels full and alive.
Something Is Missing – and You Feel It!
You’ve been looking forward to this for years. No more deadlines. No more “urgent” emails. No more juggling everyone else’s needs before your own. Finally – your time is your own.
But then… it happens. Somewhere between “I can finally relax” and “Why do I feel a little lost?” – something’s off.
You’re not unhappy. You’re grateful. But that deep spark you expected? It’s flickering.
You’re not alone in feeling this way.
I hear this every week from women who are bright, capable, and newly retired: “I thought I’d be blissful. So why do I feel bored, or aimless, or invisible?”
Here’s the truth: there’s nothing wrong with you. You didn’t miss a memo or fail Retirement 101. You just weren’t taught the psychology of happiness – especially the kind that evolves once the busy structure of work fades away.
That’s where the PERMA model comes in. It’s the missing link between financial security and emotional fulfillment – a research-backed framework that shows how to feel vibrant and grounded at every stage of life.
What Is PERMA, Really?
PERMA comes from psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman, often called the father of positive psychology. It stands for five ingredients that consistently show up in people who thrive:
P — Positive Emotion: The ability to feel joy, gratitude, and contentment.
E — Engagement: Getting lost in what you love doing – that delicious “flow” where time disappears.
R — Relationships: Feeling connected and valued by others.
M — Meaning: Knowing your life stands for something that matters.
A — Accomplishment: The confidence and pride that come from growth and progress.
Think of PERMA as a recipe for well-being. You don’t need every ingredient in perfect balance – but when one goes missing, life starts to lose flavor.
I first discovered PERMA about five years ago when I was directing the Center for Rural School Health & Education. Our team partnered with schools to strengthen student and educator well-being – and PERMA became our north star.
These days, now that I’m retired, I think about PERMA all the time. It even guides how I plan my weeks:
P: How am I starting my mornings so I feel calm and grateful?
E: When will I set time aside to try one of those art projects (and use the mountain of supplies I bought)?
R: When am I spending real, quality time with my husband and friends?
M: How can I support women in designing their next chapter?
A: And can I close all three exercise rings on my watch every day this week? (My watch says no; but hope springs eternal.)
PERMA also forms the foundation of my Bold Retirement Method – the coaching framework I developed to help women move from feeling “off” or uncertain to designing a chapter that feels alive, connected, and deeply fulfilling.
Why PERMA Matters in Retirement
Retirement changes everything – your routines, your relationships, even your sense of who you are.
When your structure disappears, you can lose engagement.
When your role disappears, you can lose meaning.
When your colleagues disappear, you can lose connection.
It’s not that you’re doing something wrong. It’s that your old sources of fulfillment have drifted into the background – and you haven’t built the new ones yet.
That’s exactly what one of my clients discovered recently. After decades of political activism and creative work, she found herself frustrated – still busy, but oddly unfulfilled. Together, we explored what still energized her and what no longer fit her evolving self.
Her big realization? She wanted to focus on what she can do now – creative projects that light her up, political work that feels natural, time with family that fills her heart instead of her schedule. That shift from “I should” to “I choose” completely changed how she felt.
That’s PERMA in action – realignment, not reinvention.
The Five Elements in Real Life
Here’s what each part of PERMA might look like in your own life.
P – Positive Emotion
Start small. Savor your morning coffee. Notice the sunlight through your kitchen window. Send a thank-you text to a friend. Gratitude is medicine for the soul – it grounds you in what’s already good and fuels your optimism for what’s next.
E – Engagement
Do something that makes time disappear. Gardening, quilting, yoga, watercolor, writing, pickleball – whatever absorbs you completely. Flow is joy in motion.
R – Relationships
Curate your circle. Choose people who bring energy, not drama. New friendships often appear where curiosity lives – a class, a hiking group, a volunteer project.
M – Meaning
Ask, “Where can I make a difference now?” Sometimes meaning comes from mentoring a young woman, serving on a committee, tending a community garden, or sharing wisdom you once took for granted.
A – Accomplishment
Keep learning and growing. When I retired after 30 years as a social psychologist, I took a huge leap and became a certified life coach at 57. I had to learn everything from scratch – how to coach, build a website, and write articles like this one. It was humbling, scary, and absolutely exhilarating. Accomplishment in retirement isn’t about competition – it’s about aliveness.
Bringing It All Together
PERMA isn’t theory – it’s a map for designing a retirement that truly fits you. When you build your days around what helps you flourish – joy, curiosity, connection, meaning, growth – life starts to hum again.
You stop filling your time and start fulfilling your life.
If you’d like to explore this idea of finding purpose in small, everyday ways, you might enjoy my article, The Secret to Finding Purpose in Retirement? Start Smaller Than You Think – it’s a lovely reminder that meaning often grows from the quiet moments of daily life.
Want to Explore What Lights You Up?
If this idea of flourishing in retirement speaks to you, I created a free Retirement Vision Starter Kit to help you put PERMA into practice – and then take it further through my Bold Retirement Method.
The first activity helps you see where you’re thriving and where things feel flat, using PERMA as your guide. The rest helps you design your next chapter – one thoughtful step (and one spark of clarity) at a time.
Download it free here and start shaping a life that feels joyful, meaningful, and entirely your own.
Let’s have a conversation:
Which part of the PERMA framework feels strongest for you – and which one do you want to nurture more in this next chapter?
