Hello readers. Welcome to my third installment investigating my ongoing battle with Valulosis (patent pending), the affliction that makes us cling to things because they might be valuable someday.
First, there was my dad, who refused to part with his “spicy” La-Z-Boy, a relic infused with years of pizza spices and stubbornness. (Click here for Valulosis #1.) Then, I discovered that my old Beanie Babies were worth a small fortune, triggering a temporary bout of Valulosis that had me eyeing everything I owned as a potential goldmine. (Click here for Valulosis #2.)
Now, I’ve turned my focus to a different kind of Valulosis – the stretching of a dollar until it begs for mercy so I can stay retired without selling my plasma. Retiring on your own terms isn’t magic. It’s about smart choices, a little creativity, and the willingness to say, “No thanks, my 20-year-old couch still holds up just fine.”
Here are nine of my weird and not-so-weird ways to make sure your money lasts as long as you do.
George Clooney, Meet My Husband and His Flowbee
There are rumors that George Clooney uses a Flowbee to cut his hair. Well, my husband has been using one for decades, and he is just as sexy as George. (If you squint. And the lighting is dim.) A Flowbee is a vacuum-powered haircutting system that has saved us thousands on barbershop visits.
Sure, sometimes he looks like a hedge trimmed by a toddler, but that’s a small price to pay for financial freedom. Plus, I won’t ever give up MY hair stylist. My hair is proof that some things in life are worth the splurge because it looks like it belongs on someone who has their life together.
Brew Your Own Coffee
I used to think my homemade coffee tasted like burnt regret, but then I realized I was just addicted to the illusion of luxury. I did some overly complicated math and found that brewing at home came to 18 cents a cup versus paying $3 a pop for the plain stuff from a coffee shop. That’s not even factoring in frou-frou “coffee” for $6.00.
You will not only save some money, but you might get healthier too. That Iced Triple-Whip Cloudburst Crème Brulé Espresso (patent pending?) has 400 calories, 19 grams of fat, and the same amount of sugar as a King-sized Snickers bar.
Labels of Regret
Once, I splurged on a designer dress I couldn’t afford. It was from a resale boutique, but still way more than I usually spend on clothes. I convinced myself it was practically a steal – a financially savvy move, right? And honestly? That dress was worth every penny.
On the flip side, cheap, trendy clothes are no bargain if they dissolve into lint after two washes and end up in a landfill. So, buy fewer, better-made pieces instead of stuffing your closet with clearance-rack regret. Need a special splurge? Hit up an outlet mall or ThredUp. Or better yet, let go of the designer-label delusion and just wear what makes you happy.
Beauty Bupkis
Facials? Botox? No, thanks. Lots of Grandmas swore by castor oil, and if it was good enough for them, it’s good enough for me. Plus, it’s multipurpose. Wrinkle-fighter? Check. DIY furniture polish? Check. Potentially a secret ingredient in the family’s holiday fruitcake? Highly suspicious but also… Check.
And don’t get me started on overpriced manis and pedis. A salon manicure now costs more than I used to pay for a full tank of gas. Basic nail care is easy, and let’s be honest, it’s the only reason I still do daily yoga. If I’m going to be able to keep touching my toes, they might as well look decent.
Subscription Overload
Do you really need Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Prime Video, HBO Max, and that one random streaming service you signed up for during a free trial and forgot to cancel? Probably not. Unless you’re conducting a highly scientific study on which platform has the best Downton Abbey reruns, pick one, or rotate them like a responsible adult.
And speaking of paying for things you don’t use, let’s talk about that gym membership. If the last time you went was when they handed you that free water bottle at sign-up, it’s time to cut your losses. Walking outside is free, and bonus… it doesn’t come with a side of guilt. My county even has a senior center with fitness options for anyone over 50, and by age 62, the price drops to my favorite number: zero. Now that’s a deal worth signing up for.
Eating Out Is the Fast Track to Being Broke
Eating out is a treat, and sometimes totally worth it, like when the dish involves 17 ingredients and a blowtorch. But making it a daily habit? That’s just financial sabotage disguised as convenience. I can whip up a better grilled cheese at home for a fraction of the cost, without paying extra for delivery fees, mystery upcharges, or a waiter calling me “Ma’am” like I’m a Civil War widow.
Sure, I’ll happily go out for a birthday dinner or a dish that requires a culinary degree, but cooking at home saves money and is usually healthier. 60 & Me recently shared an article about how older women maintain a healthy weight, and surprise! One of their secrets is eating at home. (Click here to read Healthier to eat at home, or just trust me and dust off your air fryer.)
The Android Phone that Outlasts the Apocalypse
Apple releases a new phone every year, but I refuse to get on the upgrade hamster wheel. My Android has been with me for three years, and while it may not have 17 rear-facing camera lenses or blue bubble texts, it does one critical thing: it works great! And it cost less than $100.
When I needed to upgrade my laptop, I found a beauty for $3000 new, so I got a used, refurbished one for $600. That laptop came to live with me, and I love her. I named her Phoebe.
Needless to say, I don’t believe in overpriced phone plans. Do you really need unlimited everything? When will the G’s end? I’m still on 4G, and I don’t even know what that means. If your phone still works, stop financing the latest gadget and go buy yourself something fun instead.
Embrace the Power of ‘No, Thanks’
No, thanks, I don’t need a third set of decorative pillows for my bed. No, thanks, I don’t need a brand-new car when mine still runs fine. No, thanks, I don’t need this gadget that slices bananas into perfect coins.
Am I still tempted? Absolutely. But this year I have broken up with some major chain stores and online companies. I think they’re seeing lots of other people, and they haven’t even noticed I’m gone. But I’ve noticed! And I’m happier.
I’ve learned to question every purchase, and with every new item that enters the house, something else has to leave. This rule keeps impulse shopping in check. If I want new shoes, an old pair has to go. If my husband wants a new gadget, well… can I interest anyone in a slightly used Flowbee?
Saying ‘No’ is free. And it’s freeing.
It’s Not Magic, Just Simple Math
Retirement isn’t about luck or finding a job that paid millions. I was a public-school teacher for more than 30 years, and I became financially strategic by making choices. Small, mindful decisions add up over time.
Sure, I may not be vacationing in beautiful Tuscany for a wine tour, but I AM headed to lovely Tucson, Arizona for tamales this month to see if I can make friends with a cactus. But I also won’t be working until I’m 97 just to afford occasional Bistro avocado toast or some new turquoise nail polish.
So go ahead. Call me cheap. I prefer thrifty or better yet, ‘financially strategic.’ And if you need a haircut, my husband’s Flowbee is always available. I’ll vacuum your head for $10.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What is your best “how to be financially strategic” tip? What is your favorite splurge? Do you love finding ways to make money in retirement? What are you doing? Are you happy to keep on working because retirement is not something you want for a while?
