With all the chatter about narcissists, it’s natural to wonder if the man you just met is a true romantic and showering you with admiration, or a closet narcissist and is love-bombing you. How do you know the difference?
It’s natural for any woman to appreciate being treated like a Queen. We dream of having one special man in our life who sends us flowers, opens doors for us, plans romantic get-aways and makes us feel like we are the most important person in the world to him. These types of romantic gestures trigger a surge of the love hormone, oxytocin, in our brains.
Oxytocin in the Air
Oxytocin is considered the love hormone because it produces relationship-enhancing behaviors and emotions, including:
- Communication
- Empathy
- Bonding
- Fidelity
- Positive emotions
- Physical contact
This is why we get that warm, fuzzy feeling when a man holds a door for us, and why we may feel emotionally connected to a man after a one-night stand. Intimacy also triggers oxytocin, and those feelings can last for up to three weeks.
New Relationships Are Fun
With new relationships, the stars sparkle brighter, the air smells fresher, and colors look more brilliant. You get that giddy feeling every time you see his name show up on your phone, and he seems to feel the same way. He sends you flowers, tells you how beautiful you are, takes you on exciting dates, and makes you feel like the center of his world.
When your man showers you with gifts, compliments, and devotion simply to show you how much he cares, and doesn’t ask for anything in return, consider him romantically wonderful. He sends you flowers even though you already have plans for Saturday night and can’t see him until Sunday.
He takes “no” for an answer to any question he asks because he respects you. He understands that you are still getting to know him, and he’s willing to go at your pace while he expresses his interest in you. This is a man who is pure of heart and simply wants to move up to the #1 position on your list of suitors.
The Hidden Narcissist
However, if he showers you with gifts, compliments, and devotion very early in the relationship, and expects you to shift your focus to him because of this, be wary. He may be trying to artificially manufacture feelings of love so he can manipulate the relationship. His goal is to make you believe you love him, even though you don’t know him well enough to have those feelings. Oxytocin is a narcissist’s friend because it stirs up all those feelings women love to have.
A narcissist will shower you with grand gestures, compliments, and “I Love You’s” so he can get what he needs from you, more attention, love, and control. He needs that external validation from because he doesn’t have a strong enough self-esteem to fulfill his cravings.
Unfortunately, if he is a narcissist, the love you show him will never be enough, and in time, he’ll find a new woman to ‘be amazing’ for so he gets the gushing and gratitude all over again. It’s a cycle for them because they never feel enough love.
Listen to Your Gut
If you begin dating someone who showers you with gifts and sweet words and you’re wondering whether he’s for real; take a beat and listen to your gut. You can always slow things down and see how he reacts to your busy life. If you can’t see him every night and he understands, that’s a good sign. If he’s willing to share you with your friends and family, that’s a good sign. If you tell him four dozen roses in one day are too much, and he respects your wishes, that’s a good sign.
But, if your new man huffs and puffs and makes you feel guilty for having a life that doesn’t include him, you want to step away. If he starts to shut out your family and friends because he wants alone time with you, be careful. He’ll be monopolizing all your time before you realize it.
Everyone wants to feel loved and cherished. But you deserve it to be true and authentic. If you’re ever in doubt about someone you’re dating, pay attention to his actions. He can tell you what you want to hear, but a person’s actions never lie.
If your love language includes grand gestures, be crystal clear about what you want in a relationship. When you are, you’ll be surprised how many more true romantics you attract. The more clarity you have, the easier it is to meet a man who will love you the way you want to be loved. If you’re struggling to know who you’re looking for, grab an autographed copy of my book, The Perfect Dating Guide for Women Over 50, here. There are some simple strategies that can help you figure that out.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Tell us about a time a man surprised you with a pure romantic gesture that was thoughtful, sweet, and made you feel good from the inside out.
