When I was growing up, I was always a little different. Not weird or strange, just not quite fitting in to any particular box. I thought, When I get older, I will know who I truly am.
My friends at school varied enormously. I was never in the cool, middle or geeky group, but seemed to flit seamlessly between all of them. Whilst more a creative than an academic, I also loved learning, but would be as happy reading Steinbeck as Shakespeare, or Hardy as Hesse.
I would find my niche, I told myself… one day.
My Own Way of Doing Things
As I grew older, I did things my way, not conforming to the expectations that others had of me. I wore what I wanted, when I wanted. I thought, When I reach 40, I will know who I truly am. I will dress in a certain way, have friends who are a certain type.
I loved all different genres of music, when most of my friends preferred one or two. I enjoyed classic, reggae, pop, rock, blues, jazz, opera, Indian sitar. I loved ballet, musical theatre, street theatre, rock concerts, piano concertos, French films. I would spend time in art galleries, marvelling at works of Picasso, Klimt, Dali, then wander home through the streets of London, transfixed by graffiti.
The older I became, the further away from the mould I grew. One day dressing English classic, the next like a hippie. I wore long flowing skirts, smart suits, jeans, leather skirts, scruffy. What was wrong with me?
Truly a Life of My Own Making
As other people matured and settled neatly into their category, I just kept evolving, never really knowing who I was, or finding my place in the world. While longing to find my ‘true’ identity, I stopped wearing bikinis, cut my long blond hair short and tried to stick to a particular style of dress. I was miserable, and I felt less like the real me than ever before.
Now in my 60s, I know exactly who I am. I am a butterfly. Each day I am a new me. I dress how I feel in that moment. I feel more confident than at any time in my life and love being me. I am not waiting for others to say it’s ok any more. I eat pretty much what I want, drink red wine with my meal (I used to live in France!), and never beat myself up anymore… Oh, and I am back to wearing bikinis. 
Learning and Growing Every Day
I am open-minded and open-hearted, happy to listen to other people’s points of views at the same time as valuing my own. Being prepared to change preconceived thoughts and ideas is how you grow and learn as a person, and I learn something new every day. I love time spent on my own, but also in a crowd of people, talking effortlessly about anything and everything.
The Butterfly Style
Being a butterfly gives you a little insight into a lot of things.
I fly around all over the place, taking time to smell beautiful flowers. I wander aimlessly through meadows, paddle along beaches and delight in the hustle and bustle of busy towns. I visit churches, cathedrals and monasteries, without clinging to any formal religion. I am seeing life from so many angles, and I am truly grateful to have such diverse and interesting opportunities.
As a writer, I am fortunate enough to be able to write about many things, academic courses in psychology and child development, poems, life stories, children’s books and articles for wonderful people like you to read! Every time I have a comment on an article it still makes me feel incredibly happy and humble.
Whoever you are, you are unique, special and have the right to be whoever you choose. I happen to think you are pretty awesome.
Please Join the Conversation:
Do you see yourself belonging to any particular group of people, or are you a butterfly? Do you dress for others or yourself? Have you changed who you are to fit in with others?
