I invite you to take yourself off of autopilot mode for a minute when it comes to how you and your significant other handle your finances. Research suggests that half or more of our daily activities are driven by habits, done with little or no conscious thought. I would argue that our money habits fall into that habit trap as well, especially as far as who typically does what.
The Financial Roles Trap
Who pays the bills, who makes the investment decisions, who works on the tax filing, etc.? We often fall into a system of each person in a relationship taking care of what they are most comfortable with, right or wrong. Or because one refuses to be involved or perhaps time availability is an issue. For whatever reason, we usually evolve to having our own “departments” that we take care of financially.
Pause for a Check-in
That habitual system “works” but I challenge you to think about whether it’s “best” from a financial future perspective. Perhaps it would be helpful to intentionally pause to take the pulse of your current financial health, kind of a mid-year money check-in. Think of it like a checkup from the neck up. Your money mindset and your actual financial behaviors may benefit.
Acknowledge the Baggage
Like every relationship we are in throughout life, each party brings their own “baggage” to the table. And it really helps to start with being aware of what that baggage entails. Understanding the other person’s childhood and past relationships around money can really give you a better perspective.
Have you shared with each other what your memories are of money as a child growing up? And how you dealt with money in past relationships, even if it was roommate or parent/child money relationships? It really helps you realize the context that shaped the other person’s money personality.
The Context of Roles
Then when you revisit your roles in the financial aspect of your current relationship, it makes so much more sense. Not that you will agree with or like the current situation any better, but recognizing the origin can definitely bring more empathy to your conversations.
Plan Ahead for Your Expiration Date
Recognizing that we all have an expiration date (guaranteed!) is a reminder that even if we don’t take a direct role in all of our money habits, it would be wise to at least be aware of the details around those activities.
Do you both know where account passwords are stored andhave access to them? Do you know how/when the bills are paid (online manually or automatically or otherwise)? Can you each list the various accounts and where they are held (bank, investment firm, insurance company, etc.)?
A Money Makeover
In the spirit of a mid-year check-in, how about a Money Makeover short list (3 To Dos per month) to get your conversation started? Or maybe you already have some financial actions in mind that you want each other to know more about.
Make your own To Do list. Tackling one, two or three actions together can be a great start to learning more about what the other one might be handling. Like I used to tell my parents, morbid but true, at least know how to access everything for when one of you will be left solely in charge.
Suddenly Single Later
Remember, 80% of married men die married but 80% of married women die single. You are highly likely to have 100% of the finances in your lap at some point if you don’t already. So, the sooner you are more aware of what all there is to take care of, the better it will go for you later.
What Is Your Department?
I often think of the departments my husband handles and how little I know about them. They are not financial in our case, they have more to do with home/vehicle maintenance. So, I have started asking and making sure I am familiar with what is being done and when.
I don’t worry about how to do those things. Since he has a handyman business, he already has a vetted list he shares with clients of who to contact to take care of those various needs when he is unavailable. That list may serve me well someday too.
The Gift That Keeps on Giving
For more evergreen financial tips and resources on couples’ decisions for better financial wellness, check out my short video on Money Remodel Tips After Marriage. Communicating and maintaining the awareness of financial decisions can be the gift to yourselves that keeps on giving.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you evolved to different or changing financial roles with your significant other? In the past, what have you learned within the financial aspect of your relationships that could help other women? Is there a change that you are making now? Let’s have a discussion!
