This year has been my wake-up call. Always in good health, I was blindsided by a series of health issues. In 2024, I found myself visiting doctors, undergoing countless tests, taking medications not previously needed, and a short hospitalization for a life-threatening condition. Today, I’m grateful to have healed from each event. In reflection, I used different approaches to manage the emotional reactions to each health issue.
At First, Denial Felt Safer
First, I shifted into neutral. In neutral, I avoided facing my feelings about the situation. If I did take a quick peek at them, I’d push them aside, going on with my life as if nothing had changed. This way of coping is a form of denial. Living as if a health concern is not there is tempting. Fear is real and looms large when we face a changing (and challenging) health status.
Questions of how this will look in the future are unanswerable and occupy unrelenting pressure in our thoughts. For me, denial felt safer. Lots of people live here. In this state of mind, you avoid going to the doctor for fear of bad news. You may refuse medical follow ups, or even stop taking medications. I lived comfortably in denial, until I couldn’t anymore.
And of Course, I Could Overreact
In this mode, I’d find myself telling anyone who would listen about my latest health issue. It wasn’t about seeking solutions, it was about releasing pressure that had built up inside. With worry always at the top of my mind, it felt right to talk it out.
Many older adults live in this mode. Have you met them? As soon as health issues become a topic of conversation, they are down the rabbit hole of giving much more information than the other party is even remotely interested in.
The opposite could also happen to where embarrassment about a condition causes isolation to avoid explanations. Rumination lives in this overreacting mode, causing worry to run rampant. Feelings of being out of control produce sleepless nights and bad moods.
Worry loves the overreacting state as it gets to have its moment of reign over your thoughts. It gets to talk in your head, and to anyone else around, about how bad everything is. Overreacting is a full out pity party, and it loves every minute of it.
Steady and Calm Mode Is Where I’d Ideally Like to Stay
Here, I take in the information, then sort through it calmly with clarity. It’s not about squashing the fear of the health issue; it’s about managing it with purpose. I wish I lived in this mode more often. I can get there, but it requires effort. Once there, I’m happier. I feel like I’m still in charge of me and reassure myself that I’ll manage everything as best I can.
It’s About Balance – Again
My dear friend has lived with chronic pain for years. I asked her to share how she manages to stay engaged in life, laugh through her struggles and find joy despite the pain. I’ve curiously observed her laughing with her husband, enjoying light entertaining, and discussing the latest online class she’s taking. Her secret? She shifts between all three modes mentioned above. Let’s get real. We do all of them. The balance of the three is where she lives, setting an admirable goal for me to attain.
Feeling Bad Can Be Strategic
My friend allows herself to feel bad sometimes. She will sit in it and let crummy feelings be there. This makes more sense to me. Constantly working at squashing overwhelming feelings begging me to burst into tears, requires so much energy. Stuffing feelings about illness doesn’t make the illness go away. It can actually make the illness worse.
The Time Magazine article called, Ignoring Your Emotions is Bad for Your Health, says, “Thwarting emotions is not good for mental or physical health. It’s like pressing on the gas and brakes of your car at the same time, creating an internal pressure cooker.” My friend’s example encourages me to let some of the pressure out by being sad, angry, or scared, but not live there permanently.
Find a Way to Get It All Out
Find someone or some way to express the feelings. I realize there’s no one I’ve ever told all my worries to. I don’t want that as part of any of my relationships. A wonderful way to manage expressing negative worries is to grab a pen and paper (or computer) and write them all out. Get them out!
If you have someone you can talk to without overburdening them and burning them out, then do it. It may be best if this person is a professional therapist or coach instead of someone in your friend circle. If you’ve ever been burned out by a friend oversharing personal stuff, you know what I mean. Professionals are pros at handling the information without having it affect them personally.
This is their training, and they survive by being good at it. You can dump it out and they will help you sort through it for the best possible solutions. Another avenue, if you are a person of faith, is prayer. Telling God my stuff is safe. I trust it’s not being shared with others, and I feel heard and understood.
My Experience with Relaxation Techniques
Are you tired of hearing about relaxation techniques to manage stress? Have you tried any? Deep breathing by simply taking a longer breath can help clear your mind. I’ve tried many relaxation tips as I’ve coaxed myself back to sleep from a worried state. Sometimes they work, so they are worth another go of it.
Progressively relaxing my muscles from the top of my head to my toes gives some relief. Intentionally going through this exercise helps me realize my shoulders are tense or my stomach is in a knot.
Other helpful hints are to listen to uplifting music, play a game, read a book, take a walk with a friend, or watch a funny YouTube video on cats! Distraction is a helpful balancing tool sometimes used to keep worry at bay.
How Would I Treat a Friend Who Told Me They Were Sick?
I’d bring them soup, listen to their story and encourage them to rest. Also, I’d be gentle with them, trying to understand the feelings that surfaced. Finally, I’d allow all sorts of emotions, then encourage other options.
Can you begin to treat yourself as you would your good friend? Talk gently to yourself about this situation. Choose healthy food and try to rest. See the doctor and follow through on medications prescribed. This focuses on what is within your control. Where are small steps you can take to affect your health for the better? Only you can answer this. Reflect on what you can do in your situation, then take one positive action step within your control on your healing path.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Please share the methods you have used to manage health concerns. What has worked the best? What has caused more emotional pain? Have you landed on a way to stay in the steady and calm mode more than the other modes?
