After my husband Tom died in 2007, I remember how quickly the world seemed to move on.

There were flowers, cards, casseroles, hugs, and kind words from people who truly cared. I was grateful for every gesture. In those early days, love often arrived in practical forms – a meal, a note, a hand on my shoulder, someone sitting quietly beside me when there were no words.

But eventually, the phone rang less often. The cards stopped coming. The casseroles disappeared. People returned to their ordinary lives, as they naturally needed to do.

Yet my ordinary life was gone.

When the Funeral Is Over

The paperwork kept arriving. Financial decisions needed attention. Documents had to be gathered. Accounts had to be changed. Financial decisions needed attention. Tax questions surfaced. Invitations felt different. My identity felt unsettled. I was still Kathleen, of course – but I was also now a widow, trying to understand what life would look like from here.

That is something many widows understand. The funeral may be over, but widowhood is just beginning.

Each year on June 23, International Widows Day gives us a reason to pause and see widows more clearly. Not with pity. Not with awkward silence. But with compassion, respect, and a deeper understanding of what this life transition really involves.

The United Nations has estimated there are approximately 258 million widows worldwide, many facing poverty, discrimination, and exclusion.

Widowhood Is More Than Grief

Widowhood is not simply an emotional loss, although grief is certainly at the center of it. Widowhood can also bring financial uncertainty, social isolation, legal decisions, housing questions, health concerns, changed friendships, and a quiet but profound shift in identity.

For some widows, the challenges are immediate and severe. Around the world, widows may face poverty, discrimination, loss of property rights, social exclusion, and harmful traditions. Here in the United States, the struggles may look different, but they are still very real. Many women find themselves managing money alone for the first time, making major decisions while grieving, or discovering that their social world has changed in ways they did not expect.

Even widows who appear “strong” may be carrying far more than others realize.

“I Didn’t Know It Would Be Like This”

I have spent many years listening to widows and the professionals who serve them. Again and again, I have heard women describe the same painful surprise: “I didn’t know it would be like this.”

They expected grief. They did not always expect the administrative avalanche.

They expected sadness. They did not always expect loneliness in a room full of people.

They expected to miss their spouse. They did not always expect to miss the version of themselves they had been in that marriage.

They expected hard days. They did not always expect that major financial decisions might be required before they felt emotionally ready to make them.

This is why International Widows Day matters. It reminds us that widowhood is not a small or private issue affecting only a few women. It is a major life transition experienced by millions. And because women often live longer than men, many women will spend part of their later lives widowed.

Resilience Grows Best with Support

Widowhood is not only a story of loss. It is also a story of courage, resilience, reinvention, and community.

I have seen widows rebuild lives of meaning and purpose. I have seen them become mentors, volunteers, advocates, writers, travelers, business owners, generous friends, loving grandmothers, wise leaders, and sources of strength for others. I have seen women who once felt overwhelmed slowly regain confidence. I have seen them learn to handle financial matters, make thoughtful decisions, ask better questions, and discover new parts of themselves.

But I have also learned this: resilience grows best when surrounded by support.

Widows do not need people to swoop in and take over. They need people to walk beside them. They need friends who keep inviting them, even if they often say no at first. They need family members who listen without rushing them. They need financial, legal, healthcare, and faith leaders who understand that grief affects decision-making. They need practical help without condescension. They need room to be both strong and vulnerable.

The Power of Widow-to-Widow Connection

Sometimes, most of all, widows need to be with other widows.

There is a special kind of relief that comes from sitting with someone who understands without needing a long explanation. Another widow may know why a simple form can bring tears, why a wedding invitation can feel complicated, why eating alone can be so hard, or why confidence may come back in small, uneven steps.

That is why organizations devoted to widow support are so important.

Modern Widows Club has helped change the conversation by focusing on widow care, empowerment, community, and rebuilding. Its work reminds widows that they are not alone and that life after loss can include healing, growth, leadership, friendship, and renewed purpose.

Soaring Spirits International is another powerful example. Through programs such as Widowed Village and Camp Widow, it connects widowed people with others who understand the landscape of grief and the long process of rebuilding. These communities do not erase the loss. Nothing can do that. But they can make the path less lonely.

For widows, connection is not a luxury. It is part of healing.

What Support Can Look Like

On International Widows Day, those of us who care about widows can ask ourselves some practical questions.

• Do we keep showing up after the first few weeks?
• Do we invite widowed friends to dinner, concerts, holidays, and ordinary outings?
• Do we say their spouse’s name, rather than pretending the person never existed?
• Do we offer help with specific tasks, such as sorting papers, making phone calls, or getting to appointments?
• Do we respect that grief has no neat timetable?
• Do we encourage widows to delay major irreversible decisions when possible, while still helping them handle what truly must be done?
• Do we support organizations that provide widow-to-widow connection?
• Do our professional communities – financial planning, law, healthcare, counseling, senior living, faith communities – understand widowhood well enough to respond with patience and care?

Sometimes the most meaningful support is simple. A text that says, “I’m thinking of you today.” An invitation with no pressure attached. A willingness to listen to the same story again. An offer to sit together while she opens difficult mail. A reminder that she is still included.

Please Don’t Assume

Please do not assume a widow is “over it” because she smiles. Please do not assume she is helpless because she cries. Please do not assume that because a year has passed, her life has settled into something easy.

Widowhood changes over time, but it does not disappear. Grief evolves. Confidence may return. New joy may come. Purpose may deepen. Love may be remembered with more gratitude than anguish. But the loss remains part of the story.

A Day for All of Us

After Tom died, I could not have imagined all the ways my own life would continue to unfold. I wrote, taught, did research, spoke, listened, learned, and eventually loved again. My life did not end with widowhood. But widowhood changed me. It deepened my compassion. It sharpened my sense of purpose. It taught me how much widows need both practical guidance and tender understanding.

That is why I believe International Widows Day is not only for widows. It is for all of us.

It is a day to notice the woman sitting alone in church, the neighbor who no longer gets invited to couples’ dinners, and the client trying to understand documents she never handled before. It is also a day to notice the friend who seems capable but is exhausted, the mother or grandmother who does not want to be a burden, the newly widowed woman who cannot yet imagine a future, and the long-widowed woman who still carries love and loss in the same heart.

On June 23, let us see widows more clearly.

Not as women to be pitied.

Not as many problems to be solved.

Not as people who need to “move on” according to someone else’s timetable.

But as women navigating one of life’s most profound transitions, where courage, confusion, sorrow, strength, and hope often live side by side.

And let us remember this: no widow should have to move forward entirely on her own.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think widows are often excluded from social events? What would be the best solution to isolation after loss?

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When people talk about the best places to retire, the same names tend to come up again and again.

Florida. Arizona. The Carolinas. A sunny town near the water. A low-tax state. A popular retirement community that a friend, neighbor or magazine article recommended.

There is nothing wrong with any of those places. Many people love them.

But the older I get, and the more retirement destinations I compare, the more I believe this: the best place to retire is not always the place everyone else recommends.

It is the place that fits your actual life.

That sounds simple, but it is easy to forget when so much retirement advice is built around rankings, taxes, weather and cost of living. Those things matter. But they are not the whole story.

What Works for Someone Else May Not Work for You

One woman may want sunshine, golf and a busy social calendar.

Another may want to stay close to grandchildren.

Someone else may care most about walkability, medical care, lower housing costs, familiar seasons, or being near lifelong friends.

None of those choices are wrong.

The problem comes when we let someone else’s idea of retirement become our plan.

A place can look wonderful on paper and still not feel right once you imagine your daily life there. You may like the weather but miss your family. You may save money on taxes but spend more on insurance, travel or healthcare. You may love the house but feel isolated in the community.

That is why retirement-location decisions should start with your own priorities, not someone else’s list.

The Rankings Are Only a Starting Point

Retirement rankings can be useful. They help you notice places you may not have considered. They can point out differences in taxes, housing costs, healthcare access and climate.

But rankings cannot know you.

They cannot know whether you want to be close to your daughter, whether you still like driving at night, whether you want a church or volunteer community nearby, or whether you would rather have a smaller home in a familiar town than a larger home somewhere far away.

This is why I like to think of rankings as a starting point, not a final answer.

Tools that let you compare places to retire can help you narrow the field, but the final decision still must be personal.

Affordability Matters, But So Does Daily Life

Money matters in retirement. For many women, it matters a lot.

Housing costs, taxes, insurance, utilities and healthcare can shape what retirement feels like from month to month.

That is why looking at affordable places to retire can be a smart first step.

But affordability should not be the only step.

The least expensive place may not be the best choice if it leaves you far from family, without good medical care, or in a community where you struggle to build friendships.

On the other hand, a slightly more expensive location may be worth it if it gives you a stronger support system, better access to doctors, or a daily routine that makes you feel more connected.

The question is not just, “Can I afford this place?”

It is also, “Can I build a good life here?”

Healthcare Should Be Part of the Decision Early

Many people think about healthcare only after they move.

That could be a mistake.

In your 60s, a place may feel perfectly convenient. In your 70s or 80s, access to specialists, hospitals, pharmacies and transportation may matter much more.

It is worth asking:

• How far is the nearest good hospital?
• Are there enough doctors accepting new patients?
• Would I be comfortable driving there?
• Could I still manage appointments if I no longer wanted to drive?

A beautiful retirement destination is less attractive if basic medical access becomes difficult later.

Weather Is More Than Sunshine

Warm weather is one of the biggest reasons people move in retirement.

After years of snow, ice and gray winters, sunshine can sound like freedom.

But climate has tradeoffs too.

A hot summer can be just as limiting as a cold winter. Hurricanes, wildfire, smoke, drought, flooding and extreme heat can affect comfort, safety and insurance costs.

That does not mean you should avoid warm places. It just means you should look at the full year, not only the month you are tired of where you live now.

For some retirees, checking for natural disaster risk is just as important as checking winter temperatures.

The Social Side May Matter Most

One of the most overlooked questions in retirement planning is simple:

Who will I spend time with?

A lower-cost location may look appealing, but loneliness has a cost too.

If you move far away from friends, family and familiar routines, you may need to rebuild your social life from scratch. Some people do this easily. Others find it harder than they expected.

Before moving, think about your real life.

• Do you like seeing family often?
• Do you want neighbors nearby?
• Do you prefer a busy community, or do you need quiet?
• Will you join groups, volunteer, take classes or attend local events?

The best retirement place is not only where you sleep. It is where your days happen.

You May Not Need to Move as Far as You Think

Sometimes people assume retirement requires a dramatic move.

Across the country. To the beach. To a famous retirement state. To a place where everyone else seems to be going.

But sometimes the better answer is much closer.

A nearby county with lower housing costs. A smaller home in the same region. A walkable town near your adult children. A community with better healthcare but still close to friends.

A good retirement move does not have to be dramatic. It must be useful.

The Best Place Is the One That Fits Your Next Chapter

Retirement is not one-size-fits-all.

For some women, the best place may be sunny, social and far from where they raised their families. For others, it may be a familiar town with better support nearby. Some may want adventure. Others may want peace. Some may want to stretch their money. Others may decide that closeness to family is worth more than a lower tax bill.

The best place to retire is not necessarily the place everyone talks about.

It is the place where your money, health, relationships and daily life have the best chance of working together.

That answer will be different for each of us.

And that is exactly why it is worth thinking beyond the usual recommendations.

Over to You:

Have you thought about where you would like to live in retirement? Would you rather move somewhere new, stay close to family, or find a smaller change closer to home? What matters most to you when you imagine your next chapter?

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For decades, a widespread belief that sexuality is only validated through external relationships has convinced millions of women and men over 60 that sexual pleasure and intimacy must come from someone else turning them on.

Does this belief limit sexual pleasure as we age by creating dependency on external approval? Does this belief also lead to diminished self-worth? And if so, how can we rewrite the rules of sexuality as we age?

In this article and video, we will answer these questions as we explore the health benefits of turning yourself on and share a five-step plan for doing so.

This is the second of a new, 10-part exclusive series for Sixty and Me readers titled “Improve Your Lifestyle After 60 by Boosting Your Sexual Confidence.”

Health Benefits of Turning Yourself on

Martha Kauppi, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor, who is also the founder of the Institute for Relational Intimacy, wrote the following in 2020:

“In our culture, we tend to assume that desire comes from outside ourselves: we see a sexy person walk by, and we get turned on. But the truth is that desire comes from within.

When that sexy person walks by, it leads to a thought, and that thought comes from within you. It’s your interpretation of any given stimulus that makes it erotic, and results in you feeling turned on. It’s not a “bolt from out of the blue;” it comes from your own erotic self.”

But what does this mean for self-pleasure after 60? What if you are not interested in a romantic partnership at this stage of life, are you to just give up your right to feel sexual and sensual?

Pleasing yourself and exploring what turns you on is an act of self-love and self-discovery. When you embrace your own sexuality and allow yourself to be sensual without guilt or external validation, you strengthen your emotional well-being, confidence, and overall vitality.

Even though sexuality begins within you, there are many internal and external obstacles to face and overcome. One of the biggest barriers to turning yourself on is the outdated belief that self-pleasure is inappropriate, shameful, or unnecessary at this stage of life.

In reality, turning yourself on is:

• A tool for emotional release and self-care.
• A way to improve body awareness and intimacy.
• A source of pleasure, relaxation, and connection with oneself.

By releasing old taboos and embracing pleasure as a personal right, you regain control over your sensuality as you cultivate deeper self-love and sexual empowerment.

5-Steps to Turning Yourself on

Turning yourself on is not just about physical pleasure. Nor is it about waiting for someone else to initiate the need for you to be turned on.

Turning yourself on is about:

• Personal empowerment
• Emotional connection
• Deep self-love

To experience the benefits of turning yourself on, here are five steps for immediately improving the quality of your lifestyle after 60:

STEP 1: Mirror Appreciation Ritual

This step is about self-acceptance. Stand in front of a mirror without judgment and observe yourself with admiration. Gently touch your skin, noticing its texture, warmth, and beauty.

Your experiences, wisdom, and stories are part of your allure, and this first step helps you to embrace the changes in your body and recognize beauty in aging.

STEP 2: Explore Inspiring Content on Sexuality & Aging

This step is about satisfying your curiosity and is essential for turning yourself on at this stage of life. There are books, articles, workshops, and videos focused on sexuality and pleasure for those who are 60 and over.

Seek online or in-person events focused on self-love, intimacy, or sexual wellness. Also, try a different form of touch, new scents, or sensual fabrics that enhance self-awareness and accentuate pleasure.

STEP 3: Create a Sacred Space for Pleasure

Set up a comfortable, private area where you feel safe and relaxed for self-exploration. Use your hands, different textures, or temperature play (warm oils & cool sensations) to enhance pleasure.

Masturbation is a way to understand what feels good to you. Invest in high-quality personal massagers, vibrators, lubricants, and/or stimulating visuals designed for your personal taste.

STEP 4: Self-Reflection on Desires & Boundaries

If you have a romantic partner, be open in your communication about your desires, fears, and boundaries. This level of being vulnerable fosters understanding and can lead to a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

Engage in open discussions with trusted friends, partners, or professionals about changes, solutions, and empowerment. Also, practice expressing what feels good for you, alone or with a partner, using confident and inviting language. Journaling is beneficial with this step.

STEP 5: Schedule a Sexual Wellness Check-Up

Some women and men over 60 may benefit from medical interventions like hormone replacement therapy or pills to help a man’s libido. Vaginal dryness is a common issue post-menopause and the use of lubricants can alleviate discomfort. Consulting with a gynecologist or sexual health expert can provide tailored advice for these challenges.

Next Steps

When you embrace these five steps, you affirm your right to pleasure, confidence, and intimate self-discovery on your own terms. By taking control of your own desires, you create a more fulfilling, vibrant, and joyful lifestyle.

I invite you to join me in the video, where I share with you five immediate benefits of turning yourself on and embracing pleasure after 60. I will also guide you through three journal prompts to help you integrate what you are learning.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does sexuality mean to you after 60? How do you embrace your sexuality? What in this article sounds doable to you?

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As a young girl, I remember walking home from school as the evenings got dark and I would peer into the bright windows of the houses I passed along the way. I was fascinated and also felt a little lonely and envious for the lives that I saw reflected within. I marveled at the rooms where everything seemed perfect and manicured to such a degree that I felt the occupants could never have any problems in life.

I hankered for the families I saw gathered around the dining room table laughing and hugging each other with such love and warmth. I longed to go up to these houses and knock on the door and ask if I could spend just a little time in their company. A little time spent in the perfect living room with the perfect family. But instead, I walked past, leaving the laughter and the polished furniture behind me as I made my way home to our little bungalow at the end of a cul-de-sac.

There Was Always Love

Please don’t misunderstand me. My early home life had all we needed and there was a lot of love contained within the walls of our little house. We moved there after my father died when I was very young. My mother, a young widow with two small children, sold everything she had in order to buy the little bungalow for four thousand pounds. It was a fortune in those days and yet she did it.

Somehow, she managed to get the money together while deep in grief and loss from the death of my father. Something in hindsight that I look back on and revere with such awe. The bungalow was perfect for us as it was opposite my grandfather’s house. A huge old Victorian block of a house with three attic rooms and a cellar that always frightened my sister and I.

My mother had a ritual that every night at 6.00pm she would wave to my grandfather from across the road to make sure he was okay. If he didn’t show up, she would charge straight over to check that all was well. Many times, he forgot the 6pm ritual and my mother would come back, red in the face and frustrated from having dropped everything in fear and worry to be with him.

Snapshots in Time

These moments… these old snapshots in time linger softly in my memories today as I think back to my past and spend a little time with these old ghosts. I can still see every detail of our little bungalow and can recall the anxious wait for our grandfather to appear at his window for the evening wave of reassurance. These and countless other moments have shaped the child I was, the young adult I became and the elder woman that I am in the process of becoming.

From Looking in to Settling in

At 66, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned is that home is not found in someone else’s perfect looking sitting room or in the perfect family, if there is ever such a thing. It is found here, deep within my heart. And it is from here that we create the experience of our life that truly matters and enriches our soul. I understand that peace is not something I find when my life is perfect, but something I keep returning to as a practice, a thought and a new way of looking after myself.

Finally, Home

Today, these life lessons have shaped the woman I am and the work that I love to bring to the world. I feel blessed to be able to teach and coach the things that matter most to me… body confidence, self-love, joyful ageing and my uplifting dance fitness classes. And, when I look back to those early days of longing to be somewhere other than where I was, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I am exactly where I am.

I know that nothing is ever wasted and that everything can lead us home if we allow ourselves to follow the breadcrumbs of our own belonging.

5 Joys to Share with You

1. Choosing to Stay Excited by Life

I notice the smallest details and celebrate them… the morning cup of tea, the birds chirping outside my window, the new book I am about to read, the roses as they bloom wildly, freshly washed sheets, a chat with a friend, speaking at a workshop or event, the golden evening light before dusk settles in, teaching my dance fitness classes. Every day brings some small joy, and I remind myself to appreciate them as they won’t come again in quite the same way as today.

2. Awakening to What Makes Me Feel Alive

I remind myself to move towards what makes me feel more alive and to surround myself in as much beauty as possible. These are the things that light me up and make me feel uplifted and hopeful. They can be anything – from planning a beautiful holiday or trip to reading an interesting book on something I love. Aliveness is felt in the body as expansion, lightness, excitement, joy and a positive anticipation of something to come. The key is to follow these glimmers of aliveness in whatever way that you can.

3. Gratitude for My Body

I say a daily thank you to my dear body. She has been through a lot and yet she is still here supporting and loving me. And even through the pain of arthritis, she still allows me to walk, to dance, to write, to hug the people I love and to experience all the things that I hold most precious in life. The relationship that we have with our body is the longest one in our life – let’s make it kind and caring.

4. The Art of Living in the Now

Every day, I remind myself to live in the moment as much as I can. To eat when I’m physically hungry and to savour each mouthful of food. To rest when I need to – something that in the past I found hard to do. I live a lot slower than I used to. This is intentional because I love to fully appreciate the moment that is unfolding. I let life flow rather than trying to force the outcomes. Just this practice alone brings so much peace.

5. The Daily Joy of Simply Showing Up

Every day, I remind myself to get up, dress up and show up. This is powerful for me. Every new day greets us with armfuls of new opportunities to be enjoyed. In return, I make sure that I meet the day with my arms stretched out wide ready to embrace what’s there. Sometimes, the day is quiet and reflective and just calls for me to put on my comfy clothes as I potter around the house. Other days, I wear my swishy long kimono with my boho maxi skirt and brightly coloured top and get ready to take on the world.

If you would love to walk alongside me as we travel this journey together, I would love your company. Join me on Instagram @romancingyourbody for more loving tips, coaching, inspiration and gentle musings on what it is to show up each day as the most authentic and loving version of you.

Over to You:

What are the most positive lessons that you have learned in your life? What brings you joy and peace?

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Use Code FOUREVER for 30% Off at Bur Bur now through 6/29/2026

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Originally posted at: Rachel Zoe’s Luxe Hair Brush is 30% Off!

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