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Top Posts

Ariana Madix’s Lime Green Cutout Gown

Amanda Batula’s Sleeveless Fur Vest and Sunglasses

Lindsay Hubbard’s White Cardigan and Balloon Pants Confessional

Madison LeCroy’s Blue Plaid Cutout Dress

Naomie Olindo’s Striped Tank Top and Pants Set

Madison LeCroy’s Blue and White Floral Print Top and Skirt

Lindsay Hubbard’s Yellow Cutout Top and Glasses

Stassi Schroeder’s Pink Fringe Midi Dress

Madison LeCroy’s Black Lace Trim Short Set

The Valley Season 3 Episode 13 Fashion

Originally posted at: Gina Kirschenheiter’s Brown Long Coat and Mesh Top

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Have you ever noticed how just a few notes of music can transport you back decades?

Perhaps it’s the song you danced to on your wedding day. The lullaby you sang to your children. The music that played during your first love, your greatest adventure, or one of life’s most difficult moments.

Within seconds, music can make us smile, cry, feel nostalgic or suddenly experience emotions we thought had long disappeared.

Most of us simply accept this as one of life’s little mysteries. But what if music is doing far more than stirring memories? What if it is quietly influencing our brains, our nervous systems and even our physical health?

As a doctor, I have become increasingly fascinated by this question.

Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Science

For thousands of years, every culture has used music during healing rituals. Long before hospitals, MRI scanners or modern medicine, music accompanied birth, death, celebration, grief, prayer and healing.

Our ancestors didn’t think of music simply as entertainment. They understood it as something that could soothe, strengthen and restore. Somewhere along the rise of modern medicine, however, music became something pleasant rather than therapeutic – an enjoyable extra rather than something that might actively support health.

Today, science is beginning to revisit that ancient wisdom.

A New Generation of Research

One researcher who particularly caught my attention is Dr. Mei Rui at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Texas – one of the world’s leading cancer hospitals.

Rather than asking whether people simply enjoy listening to music, Dr. Rui is asking a much bigger question:

Can music produce measurable biological changes?

Her team is currently conducting a clinical trial involving patients preparing for brain surgery for cancer.

Researchers are comparing live music, recorded music and standard medical care while measuring stress, anxiety, pain, heart rate, blood pressure, cortisol (our major stress hormone) and inflammatory markers.

In other words, music is no longer being viewed simply as something that makes people feel better. It is being studied as something that may measurably influence how the body responds to stress.

That is a remarkable shift.

Looking Inside the Brain

Dr. Rui has also studied one of the most stressed groups of professionals imaginable: surgeons.

Using sophisticated brain scans, heart rate variability, sleep monitoring and burnout questionnaires, her team explored how listening to carefully selected music over several weeks influenced brain function and wellbeing.

Although this was an early pilot study involving a relatively small number of participants, it demonstrated that scientists can objectively study how music affects brain connectivity, physiological stress and emotional regulation. The findings are encouraging and point the way for much larger studies in the future.

Modern medicine is beginning to look inside the brain and ask questions that previous generations simply could not investigate.

Why This Matters as We Age

One thing I have noticed in my work is that many women become wonderfully intentional about caring for their health as they get older.

We pay attention to our nutrition.

We walk more.

We practise yoga.

We meditate.

We prioritise sleep.

Yet many of us overlook one of the simplest resources available to us every day.

Music.

Emerging research suggests that music may influence many of the systems that become increasingly important as we age, including:

• our stress response
• emotional wellbeing
• sleep quality
• heart rate variability
• memory and attention
• nervous system regulation

Music is not replacing medication or medical treatment.

But perhaps it deserves a place alongside the healthy habits that support our wellbeing.

Music Is More Than Entertainment

Think about the role music already plays in your own life.

When we’re grieving, we often turn to music.

When we’re celebrating, there is music.

When we’re exercising, travelling, relaxing or reflecting, music is often there too.

Even people living with advanced dementia, who may struggle to recognise family members, can often remember songs from decades earlier.

That tells us something extraordinary.

Music reaches places that words sometimes cannot.

Five Simple Ways to Let Music Support Your Wellbeing

You don’t need expensive equipment or specialist knowledge to begin using music more intentionally.

Here are a few simple ideas:

Create a Calming Playlist

Choose music that helps your body relax after a busy day.

Have an Uplifting Morning Playlist

Start the day with music that lifts your mood and energises you.

Listen with Intention

Instead of having music playing in the background, spend 10 minutes doing nothing except listening.

Sing

Even if you’re convinced you can’t sing, your nervous system doesn’t care whether you’re on key.

Pair Music with Slow Breathing

Even taking a few slow breaths while listening to calming music can help settle your nervous system.

My Own Perspective

For years I hesitated to describe music as medicine. Medicine, after all, was something prescribed. Something measurable.

Now, watching neuroscience evolve, I find myself thinking differently.

Perhaps music has not suddenly become medicine. Perhaps science has finally developed the tools to measure what humans have always intuitively known.

That music changes us.

Not only emotionally.

But biologically.

Final Thoughts

We cannot stop ourselves from growing older. But we can continue to nurture our minds, calm our nervous systems and create moments of joy. Sometimes that begins with a walk. Sometimes with a conversation. Sometimes with simply taking a deep breath.

And sometimes…

All it takes is pressing play.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever been prescribed listening to music as a stress-relief? Or as sleep solution? What do you use music for – background or intention?

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This article is not perfect. I hope it’s good, interesting, informative, and maybe even a little thought-provoking, but it’s not perfect. And that’s a great thing. Because for most of my life, I was a consummate perfectionist. Had I written this article even 10 years ago, I would have rewritten it three times, edited it 10, changed it entirely, and then asked other people’s opinions to make sure it was okay.

Imperfection Is All Around

One of the greatest gifts of growing older is discovering that perfectionism is an exhausting burden to carry. Self-criticism, fear of failure, people-pleasing, comparison, and insecurity can be debilitating and emotionally draining and, when taken too far, can even lead to anxiety and depression.

The truth is, no matter how hard we try to be, do, or live perfectly, we will never be perfect. We are imperfect humans living in an imperfect world. Letting go of the belief that we must be flawless in everything we do is incredibly freeing. Perhaps that is one of aging’s greatest gifts. It’s not that we care less. It’s that we care more about what truly matters – and let go of the rest.

For many of us, perfectionism begins long before we recognize it. It simply changes its face as we move through life.

The Good Girl

Mine began as a safety net. I learned to be the “Good Girl” so as not to rock the boat in a somewhat dysfunctional family. Love and praise were tied directly to being quiet, obedient, and doing exactly what my parents asked of me.

If you grew up in a household filled with conflict, unpredictability, criticism, alcoholism, emotional volatility, favoritism, abuse, or simply a lot of tension, being the good girl may have become your strategy for staying safe.

School often reinforced those lessons. We were rewarded with gold stars for good grades and praised for being compliant, polite, quiet, and staying out of trouble.

Perfectionism at this stage was driven by fear – fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of disappointing others, or simply fear of not measuring up. I often refused to try new things or gave up before I even started because I didn’t want to make a mistake. My self-esteem suffered. I felt like I was never good enough, and I constantly sought reassurance, often not believing it, even when it was given.

Rebel Stage

Then came college and a short – but wonderfully satisfying – “Rebel” period. As a child of the 60s, I tried (perfectly) to be imperfect. I thumbed my nose at convention, rejected mainstream values, marched for causes, dated the men my father hated, and dressed in ways that made my mother cringe. I was a hippie. I lived in my bubble of peace and love. I had finally begun to find my independence and my voice.

Or so I thought.

The Achiever

Then I entered the workforce and became “The Achiever.”

Ambitious, hungry, and motivated, I constantly chased – you guessed it – perfection. I wanted to impress my bosses, to be smarter, more creative, more visible, and indispensable. The Good Girl had evolved into a people-pleaser, and it was exhausting.

Was I accomplished? Absolutely. Did I succeed in my many careers? Yes.

But at what cost?

Despite my success, I also struggled with imposter syndrome. I doubted myself, questioned my worth, and lived with the nagging fear of being exposed as a fraud. Ironically, those fears only made me work harder.

On to the Caretaker

For many women, another face of perfectionism soon appeared: “The Caretaker.”

Whether we married, raised children, cared for aging parents, or simply became the one everyone depended on, perfectionism often disguised itself as selflessness.

Many women of our generation were expected to be the perfect wife, have the perfect husband and children, live in the perfect white-picket-fence house, host perfect dinner parties, and always look just right while juggling a million balls in the air. The Good Girl, the People-Pleaser, and the Achiever simply put on another mask, and in the process, many of us slowly lost ourselves.

Selfless perfectionism looked like a virtue.

But what happens when excellence becomes exhaustion?

What happens when serving everyone else means losing ourselves?

For me, the Caretaker eventually took a different turn. This became a period of disappointing love affairs, but also one of tremendous growth. Living alone gave me the chance to explore who I was and what truly made me happy. I chose many careers, moved across the country, and eventually expatriated to Ecuador simply because I could. I didn’t have to ask permission. I didn’t have to worry about what others thought. I could be myself and take chances.

Was it perfect?

No.

Did I have a pretty great life?

Without a doubt.

Finally, The Wise Woman

If we’re fortunate, our later years introduce us to one final face: “The Wise Woman.”

This is where real freedom begins.

We realize we were never perfect, no matter how hard we tried. Instead of striving to be an ideal, we choose to be kind, funny, compassionate, loving, authentic, and present. Our best becomes enough, and we feel just fine with that.

This is not to say we don’t care. We do – probably more than ever – because we recognize how precious life is. We still care deeply about the people we love, the projects we undertake, and the legacy we hope to leave behind. But the pressure to prove ourselves begins to fade. We no longer feel the need to earn perfection or approval. Instead, we search for meaning, authenticity, passion, and joy. Ironically, when we stop trying so hard to be perfect, we often become the very best version of ourselves.

What aging has given many of us is not less, but more – more compassion, more perspective, more authenticity, and above all, more grace.

Who are we when no one is grading us?

Who do we choose to be when we no longer feel compelled to earn our worth?

Perhaps, for the first time, we begin to truly love ourselves – with all our imperfections.

We discover that the warrior within has lived through all five faces: the Good Girl, the Rebel, the Achiever, the Caretaker, and finally, the Wise Woman.

And perhaps that is the greatest gift of aging.

One day, we stop asking, “Am I enough?” Because we’ve finally discovered the answer: “I was always enough.”

Questions for You:

Have you been through the 5 faces described in the article? Which face have you seen in the mirror recently? Do you think it’s time to be happy with your own (im)perfect reflection?

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Style Stealers

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Top Posts

Ariana Madix’s Lime Green Cutout Gown

Amanda Batula’s Sleeveless Fur Vest and Sunglasses

Lindsay Hubbard’s White Cardigan and Balloon Pants Confessional

Madison LeCroy’s Blue Plaid Cutout Dress

Naomie Olindo’s Striped Tank Top and Pants Set

Madison LeCroy’s Blue and White Floral Print Top and Skirt

Lindsay Hubbard’s Yellow Cutout Top and Glasses

Stassi Schroeder’s Pink Fringe Midi Dress

Madison LeCroy’s Black Lace Trim Short Set

The Valley Season 3 Episode 13 Fashion

Originally posted at: Gina Kirschenheiter’s Black Long Sleeve Turtleneck and Jeans

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1st Photo: @tamrajudge

Style Stealers

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Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Top Posts

Ariana Madix’s Lime Green Cutout Gown

Amanda Batula’s Sleeveless Fur Vest and Sunglasses

Lindsay Hubbard’s White Cardigan and Balloon Pants Confessional

Madison LeCroy’s Blue Plaid Cutout Dress

Naomie Olindo’s Striped Tank Top and Pants Set

Madison LeCroy’s Blue and White Floral Print Top and Skirt

Lindsay Hubbard’s Yellow Cutout Top and Glasses

Stassi Schroeder’s Pink Fringe Midi Dress

Madison LeCroy’s Black Lace Trim Short Set

The Valley Season 3 Episode 13 Fashion

Originally posted at: Tamra Judge’s Leopard Print Confessional Look

Read More

Most of us know that we can choose what we eat, what we wear, where we go, and how we spend our money. But we often forget one of the most important choices we make every day:

We Can Choose What We Think About

This is the idea behind a book I am currently writing, called Thought Selection. The basic principle is simple, but powerful: every moment, we have some choice about where we place our attention. And where we place our attention has a great deal to do with our happiness, peace of mind, and enjoyment of life.

Of course, we cannot always control the first thought that enters our mind. A worry may appear. A memory may surface. A problem may demand attention. Someone may say something that bothers us. Life will always bring challenges.

But after that first thought arrives, we usually have a choice. Do we stay with it? Do we feed it? Do we replay it over and over? Or do we decide, gently and deliberately, to move our mind toward something more useful, more pleasant, or more peaceful?

That choice can change the quality of our lives.

The TV Metaphor

Many people live as though their minds are televisions with no remote control. Whatever program comes on, they watch it. If the mind starts showing old regrets, they watch. If it shows worries about the future, they watch. If it shows resentment, fear, or disappointment, they watch that too.

But we do not have to watch every program the mind presents.

We can change the channel.

This does not mean pretending problems do not exist. It does not mean avoiding responsibility or living in a fantasy world. If something needs attention, we should give it attention. Bills must be paid. Medical appointments must be kept. Family matters may need discussion. Decisions must be made.

But there is a big difference between solving a problem and thinking about it endlessly.

One is useful. The other is suffering.

Time to Think

A practical approach is to give problems an appointment. Instead of allowing a concern to take over the entire day, we can say, “I will think about this at 3:00 this afternoon for 20 minutes.” Then, at that time, we sit down, consider the problem, write down possible solutions, make a decision if we can, and take whatever action is appropriate.

After that, we are allowed to move on.

This is especially important as we grow older. Time becomes more precious. We begin to understand that a day spent in worry is still a day of our life. A morning spent replaying an old hurt is still a morning we do not get back. An evening spent imagining disasters is still an evening that could have included peace, gratitude, humor, music, conversation, or rest.

What Thought Selection Is

Thought selection is not about forcing ourselves to be happy every minute. No one can do that, and no one should feel guilty for having sad, anxious, or painful thoughts. We are human. We feel things deeply.

Thought selection is about asking a simple question: “Is this the thought I want to live with right now?”

Sometimes the answer will be yes. If we are grieving, we may need to think about the person we lost. If we made a mistake, we may need to learn from it. If someone hurt us, we may need to understand what happened.

But many times, the answer will be no. No, I do not want to spend the next hour thinking about something I cannot change. No, I do not want to rehearse an argument that is already over. No, I do not want to ruin this beautiful afternoon by imagining every possible thing that might go wrong.

At that point, we can choose again.

Changing the Narrative

We can think about someone we love. We can remember something funny. We can plan something enjoyable. We can listen to music. We can appreciate the meal in front of us, the chair we are sitting in, the sunshine through the window, or the fact that we are still here, still thinking, still choosing.

The mind can become a friend when we learn how to guide it.

One helpful habit is to prepare a list of thoughts worth returning to. Pleasant memories. Future plans. People we care about. Things we are grateful for. Books we enjoy. Places we have loved. Small pleasures that still make life good.

Then, when an unhelpful thought begins to take over, we are not left wondering where to go. We already have better destinations prepared.

In later life, thought selection may be one of the great secrets of happiness. We may not be able to control every circumstance, every person, every ache, every delay, or every disappointment. But we can practice choosing what receives our attention.

And what receives our attention often becomes our experience of life.

A happier life does not always require a different house, a different past, a different family, or a different body. Sometimes it begins with a different thought.

And then another.

And then another.

Moment by moment, thought by thought, we can choose more of the life we want to live.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you do when an annoying/stressful/worrisome thought enter your mind? Do you consciously entertain it, or do you send it where it belongs? What strategy has helped you battle negative thoughts?

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