Discovering
who we are isn’t only for teenagers going through trials and tribulations of
identity. As adult life sets in, and we become inundated with the myriad of
responsibilities, we focus on keeping our heads above water. And somewhere
along the line of years passing, we lose sight of ourselves.
We don’t
know who we are beyond our roles of life that we’ve taken on. Professional,
parent, caregiver, spouse, nurturer, they all take on a life of their own and
we lose our core selves.
What do we
like and enjoy? What are we interested in? What are our dreams and passions?
If we’re
lucky, we’ve been able to live at least some of them out in our work and home
life. But more often than not, our love of painting, piano-playing or dancing
went by the wayside as life kept pushing us along.
When I
give workshops, all too often people come up to me and say, “I don’t even know what
I’m interested in at this point or what I’d like to pursue if I had the time. If
I think back many years, I used to (fill in the blank).”
Sometimes people
can’t even connect to any interests or old dreams from the past. It’s one big
blur.
Comments
like: “I used to love,” “I used to do,” “I used to…,” “I would love to,” “I
wish I could,” “Wow, I haven’t done that in years” are all too common, and sad
to me.
Much of
our ‘old’ and past selves can be found sitting on a back burner where we feel
we haven’t been able to touch it, let alone even find it. So, it’s time now
to go to the back, seek it out and bring it forth.
But how? How
do we rediscover and reconnect with ourselves?
Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are
some questions you
should ask yourself on your journey to rediscovery:
- What truly matters to me? What’s important to me?
What is meaningful to me? - What do I value? Am I living into my values
and priorities? - What excites and enlivens me?
- What do I want to do, that I would regret if I
don’t? - What did I used to enjoy that hasn’t been a
part of my life? - What makes me feel good and nourished?
An Exercise That You Can Do Periodically Is Happiness Boosters
As a free
stream of consciousness, write down any and all things that you love, like,
enjoy, that bring you pleasure. These are called Happiness Boosters, and they
can be as small as smelling lavender, sipping hot chocolate with your hands
wrapped around that funky mug, to traveling, photography, playing tennis. Then
pick one or two things from your list and input it into your daily life.
It’s Not an All-Or-Nothing
As the
French philosopher Voltaire said, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the
good.” If you love to travel but can’t go to that far-away bucket-list place,
then go to a cute B&B away from your hometown for that get-away feeling.
If you
love horseback riding but can’t do it anymore, go to a stable and just be with
the horses. There’s always pieces of what we love that we can (re)claim and
enrich our lives.
“Make a list of things you love.
Make a list of things you do everyday.
Compare the lists.
Adjust accordingly.”
— Dallas Clayton
When we
live into our truest selves, we live rich and good lives. As years pass, our
selves get covered over with criss-crossed webs, entangled and snarled, and we
need to get in there and free our self up, reconnecting with our best self, one
who can live well with meaning and joy.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What activities do
you enjoy that you haven’t engaged in for a while? What do you realize has
fallen by the wayside that you’d love to get back, even a bit of it? What would
you like a chance at? Could you do a piece of it? Please share your thoughts
with our community.
