As a cancer thriver two and a half years post treatment, I can now reflect on some lessons I’ve learned that served me well; that I’d like to pay forward in the hope that something may resonate for you. When going through something awful, that seemingly comes out of nowhere and rocks us to our core, we must put all our energy into treading furiously to stay afloat. Too many threatening undertows are swirling beneath feeling like they’re ready to consume us. We are laser focused on the eye of the storm.
Which brings me to the first lesson.
Staying in the Present
This might be considered mindfulness at its best – staying in the moment. We must focus on what we need to do at this moment, this hour, this day, to get through. Worrying about all the what if’s that could go wrong, whether we’ll make it through, creates anxiety at its worst. We know the big hype on mindfulness but staying on today really does help. It keeps anxiety from intruding on a full-blown scale.
For me, staying on and getting each cycle of treatment as I was going through it, was all I focused on; as they say, one cycle, one day at a time. When I thought about how I would get through the other cycles, I went into a tizzy of fear and worst-case scenarios. There’s a mental exercise where you visualize a Stop sign in your mind, reminding and guiding you to halt ruminating and future-oriented fears of unknowns.
Bringing in Bits of Joy
Being intentional about doing small things throughout the day that gives us moments of joy is a lovely little respite to the hardship and pain. In my house, I chase the sunlight, literally. If the sun is hitting my dining room, I bring my food there and face my chair into the direct light of sunshine. When it hits my den, I bring in my mug of tea and sit in my swivel chair facing the sunlight.
The first thing I do in the morning is raise the shades and say hello to the sun as it spreads its rays of color across the sky. In between naps, I’d go outside and chop off the deadheads on my flower beds. Or I’d water my plants. Being a lover of nature and beauty, these small things connected me with me and with some things that brought me joy.
You might make a ‘happiness boosters’ list and write down things that you enjoy, that give you pleasure and comfort. And then look to incorporate one or two of them in your day. It’s a reminder there’s’ still some soothing things out there for you.
Go Your Way
Everybody is going to have an opinion and a say in how and what you need to do. All well-meaning. But you need to get quiet and feel your own intuition. We all have gut feelings. They really do speak to us, but we must listen for them.
In my case, many people suggested joining a support group. I myself facilitate various types of support groups. But that did not feel right to me at that time. I didn’t want to be with a group and listen to everyone’s hardship story. That didn’t feel supportive to me at the time. I also felt I didn’t want regular supportive counseling to help me through that period.
And so, lo and behold I happened upon a guest blog post by an art therapist whose post on nature, mindfulness and creativity resonated with me. Perhaps some form of creativity would be something new and exciting to take on.
I’m certainly not an art person as I only draw stick figures; but I know that creativity extends way beyond drawing and the high arts. And so, I began my therapy of meditation and visualization, mandala-making and creating coping cards, among other creative-making symbols of a difficult journey, with a Jungian arts therapist. Once I was through with my treatments, I continued working with her on healing some of those lurking cobwebs of old pain.
Mr/Dr Google stared at me all along when I was able to sit at my computer. I resisted checking him out as I did not want to read on anything I was going through. I didn’t want to read of any gloomy predictions or life-threatening side-effects to the meds I was taking. In this case, and quite different from who and what I usually am and do, my ignorance was bliss. It served me well here.
Connect with what intuitively feels right for you.
Finding the Silver Linings
A form of gratitude, these ‘at leasts’ served me well.
At least I could have people visit me out on my deck since it was summer and warm weather. If it had been wintertime, I wouldn’t have had people come inside to visit me for fear of germs and outside sickness.
At least I was in good enough overall health that I was a candidate to have my treatments at home and not have to be hospitalized for five days each cycle. Although I was hesitant to do this for insecurity and fear something could go wrong, my doctor encouraged me to give it a try. And when all went well the first time cycle I did it, I was hooked (pun intended, as I was hooked up to a small pack of chemo for those days) and continued the rest of my 5 treatments at home.
None of this poo-poos or minimizes the hardship of it all, but it does help to notice and take in those slivers of light that help us go through and get through the hard times.
We must find some light through the darkness to help ourselves and keep us from sinking. And speaking of this… my new book just came out – Light Through Darkness: Miracles Along My Cancer Journey. I hope you will check it out and read my story.
Reflections:
What’s your way of getting through tough times and situations? Do you do support groups well or are they not your thing? What does your gut feeling tell you in tough times?
