You’ve reached the golden years – or perhaps the “silver years” feels more accurate – and yet, something feels off. You gave decades of your time, talents and presence to family, career, friendships, causes. But lately, you have found yourself whispering: Do I still matter? Am I still relevant?
I know I’ve struggled with this very issue in my 60s more than any other time in my life. I’ve felt completely irrelevant to my family and to an ever-advancing world that values quickness and youth and being able to figure out a new app in a split second like most 8-year-olds.
I’ve struggled to find my place as a solo ager as most of the people at my church are married and in other places the older singles only seem to want to talk about themselves… like for hours and hours… without taking a breath. It’s difficult to build friendships when monologues dominate.
I’ve also envied the grandmas who are surrounded by their grandchildren and who seem to be at the center of the family hub when it comes to love and nurturing and support. This is especially difficult when you live across the country. You try and try to keep in touch, but no one values your efforts, and no one reciprocates – it’s easy to just recoil and give up.
For some of us, the world seems to have moved on. Conversations are shorter, everyone’s attention flits to the next blink-and-you-miss-it post; the glance you once commanded now drifts elsewhere. You’re not sure where you fit anymore. By age 60, everyone has well-established long-term friendships and don’t seem to have room for new friendships, except for superficial, fluffy talk.
“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” —Ann Landers
Women’s Pursuit of Relevancy
And you’re not imagining it. An insightful article by Julie Hunter, titled Invisible Woman Syndrome Can Make Aging Hard brings attention to the fact that “mature” women often lament over the loss of their physical attractiveness while we compare ourselves with movie stars who appear forever young. I ask you: Are we that shallow to think our worth, or lack of it, depends on the number of wrinkles that adorn our face, or the number of grays that crown our head? Personally, I consider both to be badges of honor for a life well lived.
I feel vulnerable when I admit my feelings of irrelevance. I think, what if people don’t understand what I’m talking about, or worse, they discount it altogether by saying, “Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself.” But there’s grace in admitting it – because once we name it, we dismantle its power.
The good news is that relevancy for women over sixty is alive, dynamic, and absolutely within reach, and I would add, ESPECIALLY when you’re in your sixties and above.
Re-Claiming Your Relevancy: A Hopeful Bridge
Here’s what I want you to remember: your age is not a full stop; it’s an underline, an exclamation mark. The fact that you’ve lived for decades gives you wisdom, perspective, and authenticity. In a world awash in 140-character updates and endless scrolls, the antidote to feeling irrelevant and invisible is being unmistakably you.
Let’s talk about some ways you can regain or increase your feelings of relevancy.
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” —C.S. Lewis
1. Reflect on When You’ve Felt Most Alive and Relevant
Before charging ahead, start from where you are. Grab a notebook and ask yourself: What are 3–5 major events in my life (excluding the birth of my children) when I felt the most vivid, purposeful, and fully seen?
- A time you launched something (a business, a community project, a side-hustle).
- A moment you helped someone navigate a crisis and realized your calm demeanor and wisdom mattered.
- A period you mastered a new skill (painting, teaching, tech, storytelling) and felt the thrill of competence.
Write a sentence or two about each. What feelings rose in you? What was it about you at that moment that mattered? When you revisit that list, you’ll find that your relevancy was never about your age. It was about you – your presence, your voice, your actions.
2. Redefine Relevancy for Today’s Landscape
The world may feel noisier, faster, more fleeting than ever. But relevancy isn’t about being abreast of all the latest trends – it’s about being a trendsetter. Here are some reframes:
Less quantity of noise, more quality of voice
You don’t need to post every day (unless you love it). You need to show up when you have something to say, especially the things only you can say.
Mix your wisdom with curiosity
Your decades of experience are gold; pair them with a beginner’s mind. Learning one new thing, whether it’s a social media channel, a digital tool, or a local group, keeps your perspective fresh and your voice relevant.
Choose your arenas of impact
It might be your grandkids, yes, but also a volunteer role, a writing group, joining a board, a podcast. Relevancy doesn’t have to be epic in scale; it simply needs to be felt.
3. Take Purposeful, Feel-Good Action
Here are some practical steps you can take this week and into the next month:
Pick one project or passion you postponed
Your passion project may be resurrecting a craft you enjoyed, starting a local book-club, volunteering with a cause you care about. Set a “first step” date and keep the commitment to yourself.
Learn one new thing
Maybe it’s joining an online forum, starting a blog, or exploring TikTok (yes!). Pick something you’re curious about and let yourself be a learner. That mix of expert + explorer keeps you relevant and alive.
Create a “relevancy ritual”
Each week ask yourself: Where did I show up? Where was I seen? What did I offer? Celebrate that. And ask: What’s next? Because looking forward keeps the forward motion.
4. Embrace New Vocabulary Around “Age”
Instead of thinking, I’m too old to… try, I’m well-experienced and ready to… Instead of I’m irrelevant, re-frame to I’m evolving. Age isn’t the enemy – inertia is. And inertia is optional. You have the choice to tilt toward motion, toward presence, toward relevance.
One thing that has helped me is remembering that I’m not competing with youth, I’m complementing it – with my story, my wisdom, my authenticity. The younger generation doesn’t need a younger you. They need you, at this stage of life, with all the wisdom you bring to the table.
Final Thoughts
If you ever feel like the world has dimmed your place, remember that it’s a counterfeit voice, and it doesn’t belong in your head. Allow that quiet, or not so quiet, voice inside you to say, I have something important to give! Use the notebook prompts as a launch pad to step into one new thing this week. Let your voice find its echo again. Because the world still needs your story, your heart, your presence. And while you’re at it, look in the mirror and say, or shout, “I’m still relevant – more relevant than ever!” Say it often.
“There is an undeniable sense of solidarity and power among older women who have grown out of societal projections of youthful beauty. The wholeness and integration that these invincible women have mustered is awe-inspiring. They seem to have joined a mission of sorts: to survive patriarchy’s definitions of worthiness and to shine bright for each other. And shine they do. And sometimes, not as rare as one would think, others catch a glimpse of their light, look up, and notice. They are more than visible, they are luminous.” —Karen and Erica, Lustre (April 29, 2025)
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What one tip from this article will you implement today, this week, this month, this year? How might reigniting a strong sense of relevance change the way you move through your days – and the way others see you?
