I’ve heard
many times that aging is about loss, and I don’t disagree. But I would offer
that it’s also about hard-earned gains – which are often the result of those
losses.

It’s true that with time life throws us curveballs and we grieve many losses – a spouse, parents, children, a marriage, the reflection that was once in the mirror and the confidence we had in our youth; perhaps having influence and receiving recognition or maybe having a clear role and purpose in life.

It’s easy to look
in the mirror and see a lesser version of our former selves, battered by the
winds of change and loss, grieving what once was, in a state of survival, or
maybe just existing.

Choose Your Version of Uncomfortable

Facing loss is,
at the very least, an uncomfortable place to be. Perhaps it’s uncomfortable
because we’ve outgrown the old version of ourselves. Our former selves no
longer fit into our current life.

It’s time to
grow – and that growth requires new skills. It is growth that no previous version
of us could accomplish.

It’s true
that growth is uncomfortable too. So, this is, in every way, a matter of
choosing to stay in an uncomfortable (albeit familiar) place, or uncomfortably,
but firmly, reach for the potential that only now opens before us.

It’s also a
shift in identity. Do we choose to identify with a lesser version of our former
self, as unpleasant as that might be? Perhaps the familiarity we’re used to keeps
us stuck.

Maybe we
don’t believe that we’re capable of more, or we don’t feel deserving of more.
Maybe the people around us aren’t supportive because they benefit from who we
are now. Or possibly the negativity committee chattering in our minds needs to
be evicted immediately.

Losses Can Produce Gains

I’ve never
met a strong person with an easy past. I naturally gravitate to people who have
endured the worst of what life can deliver. They are the most interesting, deep,
and positive people I know.

Life knocked
them flat, and then they regained their footing, they willed their hearts to
beat, and put one foot in front of the other. Initially, they chose to survive
minute by minute; later they merely existed. But eventually they began to live
again, even thrive.

In his book, The
Prophet, Kahlil Gibran writes, “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. (…) The
deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

Perhaps the
more sorrow we carve into our being, the more we can become. The more we can
live fully and love deeply, the more we can leave a mark on our world.

The depth of
our being makes room for more kindness and wisdom and more courage to become a
new version of ourselves – not in spite
of our losses, but because of them.

Find Your Anchor and Thrive

When life
knocks us down, it is our choice to survive, and later exist, and perhaps
eventually thrive. Grief looks different for everyone; there are no time
limits, no rules, no right or wrong way to do it. But ultimately, the world
needs the person we were meant to become because of loss.

To choose to
stay in a place of mere survival or existence is certainly an option, but one
that falls short when it comes to reaching your potential. The next version of
yourself is different, deeper and more resilient, it’s a beautiful product that
didn’t exist before.

With each
step, find your why and anchor yourself to it. Choose to live for two – yourself
and the person you’ve lost – and aim to
be the things you loved most about them. Make a bucket list of ways to honor
the past while living fully in the present.  

Moment by
moment, be courageous enough to draw the next breath and keep stepping through your
life after loss. Eventually, in your own time and on your own terms, decide to
thrive. The world is waiting for this new version of you.

What losses
have you suffered lately? Have you grown stronger because of them? In what
ways? Has there been a loss that brought you down in a way that you thought you
would never get up again? How did you conquer it? Please share your stories in
the comments below.