As a
stay-at-home mom, I used to dread meeting new people at social events. After
initial pleasantries, so often the exchange would come to an awkward, grinding
halt when they asked me, “…and what do you do?”

Though I
loved raising my children at home, I found this occupation to be an immediate
conversation stopper. I grew to anticipate the polite smiles, knowing nods,
protracted sips of wine, and eyes darting for the nearest exit.

I became
an expert at vanishing in situations where “what I did” was more important than
who I was, what I thought, or how I felt.

I have
never regretted the choice to stay home and raise my children, though, to be
sure, I could have used the equivalent of Conversation Hints from Heloise for
Moms. Yes, I was a Mom. And I knew I was so much more.

In our
culture – where we are often defined and identified by what we do – it’s easy
to lose sight of who we are and how we want to be remembered.

Time to Redefine

As large
swaths of our lives shrink further into the rearview mirror, each of us has an
opportunity to define – or redefine – who we are and what we want to be
remembered for.

More than
ever, in our 60s and beyond, it’s important to feel relevant, to feel that we
matter, to mine the gems of our brief history here so that the “who we are”
comes before the “what we did.” This can be an exhilarating time of liberation
from labels.

Often
retirement and legacy are terms that go hand in hand. We take stock of where
we’ve been and wonder what lies ahead. Many of my clients facing retirement
come to me with an overwhelming sense of identity loss, having been defined by
their jobs, professions, or other labels for decades.

One of my
clients put it this way: “Retirement is great and all, but when I was a
teacher, I felt like I was somebody. Like I had a purpose. Now I feel like a
nobody. Like I’m invisible.” She’s not alone.

The key
is to recognize that you’ve been you
all along. Your career accomplishments are an outward manifestation of the
personal qualities you hold as an individual.

A long
list of achievements is admirable and certainly something to be proud of. Yet,
it is how you achieved your success
that people will remember – and this is how your legacy is shaped.

If you
worked for a company, you were required to toe the policy line and, depending
on what those rules were, you may have felt restricted in how much of “you”
could show up in different situations.

Often
managers cannot interact in a personal way with those they are responsible for.
I’ve discovered that those in charge often feel the most isolated – needing to
hold boundaries while their employees are able to talk with each other freely.

Whether
you were an employee, manager, or owner, each position held certain
limitations. Stepping away from specific roles offers immense freedom to
discover our essence and live from an unrestricted genuineness of spirit.

Your
personal qualities aren’t left behind at your desk. They follow you into
creating your next steps beyond the workplace.

Legacy or Resume?

We
remember people for their stories, for how we felt being with them, for their
successes, their frailties, for the obstacles they overcame, for the very human
qualities we relate to. We remember them for who they are.

While we may be drawn to all aspects of a celebrity or a public figure’s life, including the details of their resume, a person’s legacy is less about what they did than who they were. We can choose to bring the strengths that we took to the workplace into how we live our lives each day.

How we
choose to live our lives each and every day creates our legacy.

Memoir as Legacy: A Tip to Get Here from There

A memoir
can be viewed as a written account of an event in your life that had meaning
for you. What’s important is how it made you feel, what lessons you may have
taken away, how your life was shaped by the event.

Author
Abigail Thomas writes that, “Memoir is the story about how we got here from
there.” Agreed. Compelling memoir is honest, relatable, a window into how you
have embraced your life.

As such,
it can become a legacy for your children, siblings, family, friends, a glimpse
into your humanness… and a way to recalibrate your sense of self.

I urge my
clients to write about times in their lives worthy of a second look. This time
around with a sense of curiosity, as an observer.

Thinking back, without the charge of emotions surrounding an event, can offer a renewed and more objective perspective that opens the door to understanding, wisdom, empathy, and – ultimately – healing.

It re-awakens what’s most important to you, enabling you to fully step into your power, your authentic self, and create a legacy worthy of you. A life well-lived.

How do you frame your life – as a detailed resume of what you did, a rich tapestry of who you are, or a compelling memoir embracing both what you did and who you became as a result? How would you like to be remembered? What times in your life deserve a second look through the lens of memoir? Please share with our community!