Recently, I attended a fundraiser for a friend running for state senate. As part of the event, everyone was asked to scan a QR code to reach the donation page. Simple enough. I pulled out my phone but could not find the actual paper with the QR code on it. So, I asked a staffer where that was so I could take a picture.
A well-meaning 20-something staffer swooped in and guided me to the paper. “Do you need help with that?” she asked gently, as if I’d just pulled a flip phone out of my pocket. I smiled. The truth is, I’m probably more tech-savvy than she is – I run multiple online platforms and stream music programs for older adults. But in that small moment, I saw something bigger at play: the quiet, often unintentional assumptions we make about age and ability.
That’s ageism in its most ordinary form – not malicious, not overt, but ever-present. As Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks, reminds us: “Ageism is the last acceptable prejudice.” It shows up in job interviews, in healthcare, in media, and yes – even in something as harmless as a QR code moment at a fundraiser.
But if we’re going to dismantle ageism, it can’t just be older adults doing the talking. We need younger people in the conversation too. Because the truth is, ageism hurts everyone – it robs younger generations of models for aging well, and it makes older adults feel invisible long before they actually are.
So how do we fix this?
1. Start with Empathy, Not Assumption
Younger people often assume older adults are fragile, confused, or out of touch. But they rarely pause to ask what someone actually needs. A simple, “Would you like a hand?” instead of “Do you need help?” can make all the difference. It shifts the dynamic from pity to partnership.
2. Reclaim Curiosity as a Superpower
Older adults, on the other hand, can push back against stereotypes by staying curious – not to prove something, but to keep growing. Learn the new app. Try the AI tool. Ask questions. The best way to fight the “tech-illiterate senior” myth is to live outside it.
3. Call Out Casual Ageism – Kindly
That staffer meant no harm, but I could’ve easily let the moment pass. Instead, I smiled and said, “Thanks, I’ve got it.” Moments like that are teachable for both sides. Humor and grace go a long way in shifting perceptions.
4. Build Intergenerational Bridges
Workplaces, neighborhoods, and even friend groups thrive when people of different ages collaborate. Older adults bring experience and pattern recognition; younger people bring fresh perspectives and energy. When those forces mix, innovation happens.
5. Watch Your Language
When we say things like “I’m having a senior moment” or “You look good for your age,” we reinforce the very bias we claim to reject. Age is not a flaw. It’s a data point. And it’s one we all share, if we’re lucky.
Back at that fundraiser, I found the QR code and made my donation and had a great conversation with that same staffer later on. She told me she wished her grandparents were “more like me” – engaged, confident, and online. I told her they probably are, just not in the ways she expects.
That’s the beauty of aging when we shed the stereotypes: it becomes less about decline and more about evolution.
And next time someone assumes you can’t handle a QR code?
Smile, tap “Done,” and show them what experience really looks like.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you had an “ageism moment” you’d like to share? How did you handle it?
