No one likes rejection. I certainly don’t. That pesky thing called ego makes it really hard to swallow the humble pill when you hear the word “No.”
No, you weren’t successful on this occasion. No, you weren’t picked. No, I just don’t love you anymore.
No can also be sliced, baked and sugar coated to not seem as harsh, but it still means the same thing, and you are left dealing with the sting of rejection whilst putting on a brave face… or not. For some people, that sting can linger, stirring up emotions or memories that run deeper than the moment itself. Perhaps you find it hard to control your emotions and suddenly you are full pelt ugly crying, the type of cry where you let everything out and you just can’t stop it, snot and the lot!
Or maybe you get a bit angry or defensive and then look for all the reasons to shift the blame on the other person, situation or event. If only they… If only it was like this… You replay all the alternative versions in your head and convince yourself that it could have been different.
After the initial sadness, hurt, frustration or anger dissipates, what’s left, and how you react, is key to your own mental well-being.
A Great Example – or Not
I remember going for a job interview. It was something I had lots of experience in, and the job title was a grade or two below what I would normally go for (although job titles vary these days). I had years of experience doing the exact thing they wanted me to do: writing copy, editing, sending email campaigns, and managing social media. I knew I was more than capable of doing the role.
On the interview day, I walked into a very welcoming environment and was greeted by two younger women. We chatted away while they asked various questions. The rapport was great, and I felt it generally went well. After the interview, I was led to a small room to complete a 30-minute short task. I had to take information from an article and create an email newsletter event and then proofread a document.
Before I knew it, the coordinator walked back in and advised that time was up, and I didn’t even get to the proofreading section! She gave me five minutes extra, and I whizzed through the document in a couple of minutes in a panic.
Despite this, I was convinced that through the interview and the hope that I managed to spot as many errors as possible, it would have sufficed.
I came out feeling really good about the interview, not so good about the task, but still quietly confident.
Needless to say, it didn’t suffice, and I got the news from the agency the next day, who let me down in the gentlest way. Apparently, my answers were too vague, and they would have expected me to score higher in the task as this was a fundamental part of the role.
What Comes After Rejection
Well, that was a knock in the teeth, and suddenly the old limiting beliefs of “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not clever enough,” “I’m crap at my job” resurfaced, stemming from rejections in relationships, work and life in general, spanning a lifetime of my existence.
It’s funny how quickly those old stories can creep back in, even when you think you’ve moved past them.
Over the years, we will all face rejection at some point, but how we deal with it can make the difference between reopening old wounds that haven’t healed or using it as data to improve ourselves and empower us in the long run.
It’s never nice to receive a knockback, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. It didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to, and you were meant to go down a different path or learn something valuable from it.
So, after the initial shock and pain, how can you use rejection to your advantage?
1. Feel It
Take time to process your feelings. How are you feeling? Angry, upset, embarrassed? Be aware of what is showing up and journal on this to dig deeper. Ask yourself: What am I feeling now? Why? Have I felt this way before? If so, when? Does it go back further?
2. Learn from It
Once your initial feelings wear down, it’s time to look at your learnings. Even when the outcome isn’t what you hoped or imagined, what can you take from it? If you can’t see anything, dig deeper. Did it give you more experience? Did it make you work out what you want? Did it make you realise what you don’t want?
Keep journalling until you can find something positive you can take away from the situation. We can all learn something. For example, I learnt from the interview that I need to manage my time better and let go of trying to perfect something that was really about progress, not polish.
3. Reframe It
Now reframe your setback, because this doesn’t define who you are. Rejection can be difficult to cope with, but it does not form the rest of your story. There are so many more bright chapters to come.
Here’s an example of a reframe:
“Every ‘no’ clears space for the right ‘yes’. I wasn’t rejected; I was being re-routed toward where I’m meant to grow.”
4. Refocus It
Now you are aware of your feelings, learnings and have reframed the rejection, it’s time to refocus your energy. Ask yourself: What’s one small step I can take next?
Here are a few examples:
- If work or volunteering didn’t go as planned, explore opportunities that truly value your experience and voice.
- If love or friendship has changed, turn that space into time for yourself and reconnect with what lights you up. Join a group, travel solo or do something that makes you feel vibrant again.
- If life feels different to how you imagined, use this moment to rediscover purpose, joy or a new adventure.
Rejection is never easy, but instead of letting it haunt you or define your future, let it be a great lesson that helps you shape the life you want.
And as author, speaker, athlete and veteran Steve Maraboli reminds us, rejection is often a stepping stone in the right direction:
“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.”
If You Need Further Help
If you’re ready to turn your setback into a fresh start, I offer a free 30-minute Discovery Call where we’ll talk about what’s been holding you back, the changes you’re craving, and how to move forward with more confidence and clarity. It’s a relaxed, no-pressure chat and just a chance to focus on you and what’s next.
Let’s have a conversation.
Have you ever faced a rejection that turned out to be redirection? What did it teach you about yourself? Share your thoughts below, sometimes a simple conversation is all it takes to start seeing a “no” in a whole new light.
