That if you could just find the right diet, stick to the plan, maybe muster up a little more willpower… you’d finally get a handle on your health and keep your healthy habits in check. You’d lose the weight, feel better in your clothes, stop obsessing over what’s in the fridge. Right?
That’s what I used to think, too.
I remember standing in my kitchen at 9:17 p.m., spoon in hand, elbow-deep in a mixing bowl of “protein ice cream” made from cottage cheese and stevia, telling myself this was a healthy choice. (Spoiler: it was not. It was desperation in a blender.) I wasn’t hungry. I was exhausted. My day had been one long blur of back-to-back Zoom calls, texts from my mom about her doctor’s appointments, a missed workout, and – oh right – my husband had asked me three times if we had any clean underwear left. We didn’t.
That night wasn’t about food. It was about burnout. Overwhelm. Emotional eating triggers. And the fact that I had skipped my morning routine, worked straight through lunch, and hadn’t had a single quiet moment to check in with myself all day.
That’s what I call the thing before the thing.
The real problem isn’t your discipline. It’s not that you don’t know what to eat or that you’re secretly addicted to sugar. It’s that your life is built in a way that makes taking care of yourself feel impossible.
In this post, I’m going to show you why all those healthy habits never seem to stick – and more importantly, how to shift your focus to what really needs attention.
You’re not broken. You’ve just been solving for the wrong problem.
And once you see what’s really been going on? Everything changes.
You’re Not Failing – You’re Solving the Wrong Problem
Let me paint you a picture.
You open the fridge. You’ve got the salmon. The broccoli. The good intentions.
But the counters are sticky. The dishwasher’s full. There’s an unopened Amazon box on the stove and a stack of coupons from 2021 teetering in a corner. You close the fridge, order Thai, and tell yourself you’ll “start fresh tomorrow.”
Sound familiar?
This isn’t about motivation. It’s not about meal prep. It’s the messy kitchen problem – and it’s a metaphor for so much more.
Because most women think the reason their healthy habits don’t stick is lack of willpower. That they just need to get motivated. Try harder. Be better.
But what if that’s not it at all?
What if the real reason you can’t stay consistent has nothing to do with food or fitness – and everything to do with what’s going on before those choices? I’m talking about the root cause: the stress that’s off the charts. The calendar that leaves no space to breathe. The mental fatigue from holding up the entire damn household while trying to remember if you already RSVP’d to your niece’s graduation brunch.
This is midlife burnout. And it’s real.
Trying to fix burnout with kale is like mopping the floor while the sink’s still overflowing. You’re not lazy. You’re exhausted. You’re not broken. You’re solving for the wrong thing.
And that changes everything.
When Your Plate’s Already Full, the Smallest Thing Can Fall Off
Here’s what no one tells you: It’s not just what you’re carrying. It’s that you were taught to carry everything.
From the time we’re little, women are taught to be the ones who remember, who anticipate, who smooth things over. We’re praised for being helpful, thoughtful, selfless – and quietly punished when we drop the ball.
So by the time you hit midlife, you’re juggling work emails, managing aging parents, navigating teenage moods, walking the dog, remembering your sister-in-law’s birthday, and wondering if that mole on your thigh looks different than it did last week.
And then you try to add in self-care.
You try to stack a new health routine – meal prep, workouts, meditation – on top of that already teetering to-do list. It’s like placing a fragile teacup on top of a dinner plate that’s already overflowing with hot gravy, mashed potatoes, and a giant turkey leg. Of course it’s going to fall off.
That’s not a personal failure. That’s physics.
When we talk about midlife burnout and fatigue, this is what we mean. The invisible load. The mental tabs always open. The emotional eating triggers that show up when you finally sit down and your brain won’t shut up.
So if you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just get it together?” Please hear me: it’s not you. It’s the system you’ve been surviving in.
And it was never designed with your well-being in mind.
What If Your Inconsistency Isn’t a Flaw – But a Clue?
My client Rebecca came to me convinced she had a sleep problem.
She’d tried melatonin, magnesium, sleepy teas with names like “Moon Dust Serenity,” even one of those weighted blankets that feels like a large dog is lying on top of you. Nothing worked. She still woke up at 3 a.m., mind racing like she was hosting a mental PTA meeting.
But as we talked, it became clear – her body wasn’t the problem. Her brain was overloaded. She was holding it together all day, juggling work, caregiving, errands, keeping the fridge stocked, making dentist appointments no one actually goes to… And the second she stopped moving, boom – her thoughts came flooding in.
So we tried something else. No more supplements. No more bedtime routines that looked like spa retreats. Just one small habit: 10 minutes of writing before bed. A brain dump. Thought downloads. Get it all out on paper – every task, every worry, every “don’t forget to…”
Two weeks later, she was sleeping.
Because the real problem wasn’t insomnia. It was emotional fatigue. She didn’t need to be perfect – she needed relief.
So if your habits aren’t sticking, maybe they’re trying to tell you something. What might change if you started listening?
Stop Asking “What’s Wrong with Me?” Start Asking This Instead
Here’s a question I hear all the time: “Why can’t I just get it together?”
But that question is a dead end. It assumes the problem is you.
So, let’s rewrite the story.
Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” try asking, “What got in my way?”
Because that question opens the door to something radical: compassion. It invites you to see your inconsistency not as a character flaw, but as information.
What if your skipped walk wasn’t laziness, but the result of back-to-back meetings and forgetting to eat lunch?
What if the late-night snack attack wasn’t about willpower, but about being so touched-out and overstimulated all day that the only moment you had to yourself was in front of the pantry?
This is how you begin to reset your routine – by noticing your patterns with kindness.
So, here’s your invitation: take stock.
- What days feel good in your body and brain? What made those days work?
- What days spiral? Can you trace it back to a trigger, a stressor, or even just a bad night’s sleep?
You don’t need a food log or a new app. You just need to pay attention.
Because this kind of awareness? It’s the beginning of real, lasting change. The kind that doesn’t require dieting or discipline – just a little curiosity and a willingness to try something different.
Want to Feel Better? Start with the Basics
If you’re thinking, Okay… so now what? – I’ve got you.
This is where my 8 Basic Habits Healthy People Do Guide and Checklist comes in.
These habits aren’t flashy. There’s no fasting schedule or color-coded containers. Just simple, doable things like drinking enough water, getting real sleep, moving your body in a way that feels good, and eating food that actually satisfies you.
It’s the foundation I use with every client who wants sustainable weight management and midlife wellness – without dieting, without drama, and definitely without cottage cheese masquerading as dessert.
Because you don’t need more willpower. You need a structure that actually supports the life you’re living right now.
Your Home Isn’t Separate from Your Health
If your house feels chaotic, your brain probably does too.
In episode #213 of my podcast, Total Health in Midlife, I dig into the surprising connection between clutter and your health – and how mental clutter and overwhelm can silently sabotage your best intentions.
We’re talking junk drawers, stacked laundry, packed fridges – and why they matter way more than you think when it comes to your emotional well-being and your ability to follow through.
Listen to episode #213 here if “life clutter” is part of what’s blocking your progress.
You’re Not Failing. You’re Overloaded
Let’s be clear: you’re not broken. You’re just carrying too much.
If you want midlife empowerment and freedom from food obsession, it starts by taking a hard look at what’s on your plate – and what’s weighing you down.
Curiosity. Clarity. Small steps. That’s how we reclaim our vitality – not through perfection, but through progress that actually fits your life.
You don’t need to do it all. You just need to start where you are.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What do you juggle on your plate on a regular basis? Do you think you’re overwhelmed? What issues do you think stem from carrying this load?
