I was having a discussion the other day with a friend about who we admired most among women of a certain age. When she mentioned a couple of Hollywood film stars the conversation became suddenly heated. I donât know who of the two of us was most surprised at my vehement objection.
âWhatâs your problem?â she asked.
âWhy would you admire women like that?â I said.
âBecause they look amazing. They look twenty years younger than they are.â
âSo what?â
âWhat do you mean, so what? Wouldnât you like to look twenty years younger than you are?â
âNo, I would not!â
âI donât believe you.â
And so on.
The truth is, I donât want to look 20 years younger than I am if it means my skin is pulled so tight I can barely smile. But more importantly than that, my objection to âhaving work doneâ runs much deeper, because it suggests that ageing is something to be avoided, denied and reviled, like a disease.
Why Is the Term âAnti-Ageingâ So Ubiquitous?
Itâs almost impossible nowadays to buy a face cream that isnât âanti-ageingâ. âProven to reduce the effect of wrinklesâ is a slogan that is not only meaningless and impossible to prove, itâs a direct onslaught on the totally natural effects of living into old age, and donât we all want to do that?
Whatâs Wrong with Wrinkles Anyway?
Donât they add character to a face? I love it when an old person smiles, and their face falls into creases. A wrinkled face is a fascinating face, it tells us so much about the person. It tells the world, âI have lived, I have seen things and done thingsâ and, perhaps most importantly in my judgmental mind, it does not suggest vanity.
I Admit Iâm Flattered When People Tell Me I Donât Look My Age
So, I am vain too, and duly ashamed of it. But even if I had the wherewithal, the very last thing I would consider doing is having a face-lift, or indulging in pricey cosmetics that claim to restore elastin or erase the odd freckle. Iâm not being puritanical, it just seems counter-intuitive; and besides, youâre less likely to be offered a seat on public transport if you look that much younger than you are.
Even Young Women Are Having Work Done These Days
And goodness knows what the long-term effects of botox or face-lifting will be. But such is the power of the anti-ageing lobby itâs affecting women in their 20s and 30s, for heavenâs sake.
But back to my discussion with my friend. In my view, there are plenty of other women who deserve our admiration, women such as the late Shirley Williams â politician, humanitarian, a highly compassionate woman with great insight and a knack for seeing every side of a question (which is why she never became Prime Minister) â but who gave not a thought to what she looked like.
Women like Joan Bakewell, broadcaster and writer, and actresses such as Sian Phillips and Sheila Hancock, all three of them now 90 and still lively, sharp, and engaged and concerned about whatâs happening in the world around them. These are all Englishwomen of course, but Iâm sure their equivalents exist in any country.
This Is Not So Much a Celebration of Old Age
This is my acknowledgment of the fact that, approaching 80, there may be many things I can no longer do, such as run any distance, or take the stairs two at a time, or bend my knees beyond a certain point. But on the other hand, I am extremely grateful for not having to worry about my looks.
Yes, I have my hair carefully cut (but no longer coloured) and yes, I wear makeup and take trouble over which aged items of my wardrobe I wear from day to day, but thatâs where it ends. If my hair goes frizzy from the rain, or flattened because Iâve been wearing a hat, who cares? And above all, who will notice? There are advantages to being invisible, are there not?
If you were to ask me whom I would admire more out of, say, Ursula le Guin or any of those well-known, artificially pert-faced octogenarians who still grace our film and television screens (but whom I cannot name for legal reasons), I know what my answer would be.
Letâs Have a Conversation:
Are you anti anti-aging? Is there a role model you follow who is of the same opinion as you? Do you think wrinkles are bad, and we should aim to get rid of them? What does your age mean to you, personally?
