As you know, fear and stress on the body can accumulate over time. It imprints in ways that you may not be prepared for, through the subtle and cumulative impressions of our experiences on our body and mind. It does not feel good at all.

A couple of years ago, my husband Mark was hospitalized, not once but twice, and both times through the ER. He looked ok the day before, a bit dizzy and tired. And then the next day he could not get out of bed!

We waited over eight hours in the ER before he was admitted. I contacted a friend who works for the healthcare system to find out if there was a secret code or secret handshake that we could use to cut down the wait. Sadly, it doesn’t exist.

Accepting My Role as a Caregiver

After the initial shock dissipated, I realized it was going to take awhile before he got well. I did nothing else except rally around my husband for the first two weeks.

People were saying I needed to be strong for my husband. Those words are truly not helpful, though taking care of myself would have helped Mark too.

I received many kind offers of help through texts, emails, and telephone calls. From “Can I do anything for you and Mark?” to “Do you want me to sit with you at the hospital?” to “Can I go to the market and pick up dinner?” to “Don’t forget to take care of yourself – go for a walk or meditate or hug a tree.”

I was overwhelmed with worry and flooded with emotions. This was the first time since we started dating that he was ill beyond a cold or a mild flu. I was exhausted taking care of him and running my business.

The Mental Exhaustion of Caregiving

Just a few weeks prior, I completed my second triathlon. That preparation did not train me for the mental and physical exhaustion that followed. I went from working out six days a week to zero. I know this was not a good choice.

The truth is, I am a caregiver by nature. I was born this way. As a first born, it comes naturally to me. From a very young age, I learned the value of taking care of others. I am very, very good at it. In a crisis of any sort, I am your go to gal. I can handle it.

I have been my family’s designated relative to help in times of grief, illness, and caregiving aging relatives. I have proven this time and time again both personally and professionally. I rise up to meet any challenge, even though at times it is more than I can handle alone.

So, when people offered to help, my knee jerk response was always, “That is so sweet, it’s ok, I am ok, we don’t need anything,’ etc. The truth of the matter was, I was not ok.

It would have been so nice to have company in the ER and then in the hospital. It would have been wonderful if someone brought over dinner, or wine or ice cream or chocolate or simply spent time.

So here are the six truths about caregiving that everyone should know.

Caregiving and Care Receiving Are of the Same Value

Care giving and care receiving are both of equal value and need to be honored and nurtured. I guess I didn’t value the giving of others as much as the giving of myself. This is big for me. Your generosity of soul and spirit is equal to my generosity of soul and spirit, and I should remember that.

Resilience Does Not Negate the Setbacks

Being resilient doesn’t mean that you will bounce back quickly or without setbacks. It means having the tenacity to not give up no matter the circumstances. It also means to leverage your strengths to maintain your physical and emotional well-being during the time of crisis and uncertainty.

Asking for Help Gives You a Break

Being resilient means having the courage to ask for help when you need support. By sharing your vulnerability with others, it gives them the opportunity to help when you need it the most.

I Don’t Have to Do It All

Asking for help is out of my comfort zone. I need to honor my need to receive when in times of crisis and challenge. I have been exhausted and felt the heaviness of taking care of another human.

Help Those in Need

If you are of the generous and giving type who offers to help those in need, just to it. I didn’t have the time to respond to each offer. Don’t wait for a response, just show up with food, or wine or ice cream or chocolate or a hug or your time. You have no idea how much it will mean.

Healing Takes Time

It requires much patience and grace to allow yourself time to heal from the experience. I am not the patient type, and it has been hard to work through the residual feelings of fear and exhaustion.

Now that the worst is behind us, I must continue to be cognizant of the equal value of both caregiving and care receiving.

Do you agree that women are caregivers by nature? If you are a caregiver, what have you learned on your journey? Which caregiving experiences exhaust you the most? Please share your hurdles and how others’ help has been a pillar for you.

I used to have a terrible time sleeping. I would either lay awake for what seemed like hours or wake up two to three times each night like clockwork. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why I was awake, worrying about things I had no control over.

I blamed everything and everyone, including hormones or my husband’s snoring!

It wasn’t until I decided to do some investigating about my days and nights that I was able to pinpoint the problem at the root of my sleeplessness. Now I tell everyone about the power of keeping a sleep diary, especially when it helps you figure out the detrimental habits keeping you awake at night.

Change Your Morning to Change Your Night

After keeping my sleep diary for a week, I made six small but meaningful changes to my morning routine. I had no idea what an impact these changes would have on my ability to sleep.

Now my entire day is more positive and vibrant because of my new routine. I would venture to guess that if you try just a few them yourself, you will notice a change in your outlook as well.

Here are my recommended six powerful changes that you should definitely try tomorrow.

No More Snooze Button

Are you in the habit of hitting the snooze button over and over? I’ve been known to set a couple of alarms to wake up in the morning. I’m sure this had something to do with the fact that I couldn’t fall asleep for hours, but now I wake up right away and never hit the snooze button.

When you hit ‘snooze’ it’s like telling the universe you’re not ready for the day, that you’re choosing to let the day run you, instead of you running it. Get yourself into the habit of waking up right away. You’ll be glad you did.

Meditate

Meditation is the most powerful gift I’ve ever given myself. The reflection I practice is specific to rest. In fact, 20 minutes of yoga Nidra meditation is equivalent to 2-3 hours of deep sleep. I’m ready for the day because I’m deeply relaxed thanks to this one tool.

I leave my anxiety behind, I feel like I’ve been to a spa without ever leaving my home, and I’m relaxed and energized at the same time. A meditation method is something you can add to your routine, and you’ll reap many benefits from this one practice.

Gratitude

Keeping a gratitude journal is a profound way to be present in your life. It’s your personal practice to follow and for your eyes only. Go for depth and detail, rather than just going through the motions. Focus your gratitude on people instead of things – this is more powerful.

I typically list three people each morning that I am grateful for and go into some intensity about why I’m so thankful. Some days I’m grateful for the same people – that’s OK! The purpose is to think outside of yourself, and you’ll be surprised how this fights anxiety and negative thoughts and feelings.

Affirmations

Included in my morning journal writing is a section for affirmations. Affirmations are anything you say or think about yourself – both positive and negative; however, you only want to write down positive statements.

A positive affirmation is the beginning of change that you want your subconscious mind to strive toward. When you write affirmations, it’s important to choose words that will either eliminate something from your life or help create something new in your life.

Affirmations are seeds to grow and are always stated in the present tense, “I am…” Even if you don’t believe it yet, you are planting the seeds to grow and blossom a beautiful new belief. One of my personal affirmations is…

I am healthy, strong and well rested.

Anxiety List

After you write your gratitudes and affirmations, continue in your journal to make a list of all the things that are bugging you.

Write your to-do list, your fears for the day, your hopes, dreams and any thoughts that are on your mind. This will only take you a couple of minutes, but releasing them from your thoughts is freeing.

Once they’re down on paper, you can move on with your day!

Make Your Bed

Yes, you read that correctly. Your mother was right after all these years! Take a minute and make your bed and you’ll be amazed how great this will make you feel. You start your morning with a practice that feels good and looks good.

An organized environment sets the tone for the day. Try it – you’ll be amazed at its power, especially when you walk into the bedroom at the end of the day, and it looks inviting and comfy. You can’t wait to jump into bed at night and get a good night’s sleep!

30 Minutes Will Change Your Life

It’s amazing to realize that a 30-minute tweak to your morning will change the outlook of your day. If you’re like me, it’ll change your sleep habits as well.

Tomorrow, wake up without hitting the snooze button, lay in bed and meditate for 20 minutes, then grab your journal from your nightstand and jot down your gratitude list, daily affirmations, and your anxiety list. Next, it’s time to get up and make your bed!

Start the day moving with positive energy and vitality. Meet your day head on and face the night in a positive frame of mind, with less anxiety and stress. If you lay awake for longer than 10-15 minutes, grab your earbuds and listen to a sleep mediation while you drift off into a beautiful deep slumber.

Leave a comment below and let me know which suggestion(s) you endeavored to try from this list. How did it make you feel? Would you like to learn more about rest meditation? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

Have you heard about “Quarantine 15?”

It is the new “Freshman 15” and refers to the average of 15 pounds that many people are bemoaning they have gained during all the various “stay at home” orders around the country in response to the pandemic.

And since many gyms will continue to be closed for the foreseeable future, a large number of my fellow boomers are now looking for the activity trackers they either got themselves or received as holiday and birthday gifts for “when I start walking” to lose these extra pounds.

The Dreaded Number

When they do start to utilize these activity trackers, many will see a flashing “10,000,” referring to the generally accepted goal of 10,000 steps a day for getting and staying in shape.

And, if you’re like most people, you probably just assume that health and fitness experts arrived at this holy grail of walking requirement after many years of rigorous scientific research. If not, then some manufacturers might have used 8,255 or others 13,911.

Being an even number, there also is something mathematically attractive about 10,000 – plus, it’s easy to remember.

This idea of walking a specific number of steps has become so ingrained in our collective consciousness that in the recent Netflix film, The Two Popes, one of the protagonists is wearing an activity tracker that keeps reminding him to “keep walking, keep walking.”

The Story Behind “10,000”

Before I go any further, here’s an advance spoiler alert: If you would prefer to hold to the idea that 10,000 steps-a-day is a magical number that will cause you to lose weight, look 10 years younger, cure your arthritis and give you an edge in pickleball, then you may want to click-through to another 60 & Me blog.

Why? Because the truth, and I know this may surprise you (it did me), is that the 10,000-step-target was nothing more than a marketing gimmick created during the 1964 Tokyo Olympic Games to sell a pedometer called Manpo-kei, which is literally translated as “10,000 step-meter.”

The marketing program was obviously quite successful, and the number became part of popular culture.

And to add insult to injury, a recent study from Brigham Young University suggests that when it comes to preventing weight gain, no number of steps alone will do the trick.

In this specific study, researchers wanted to find out if progressively exceeding 10,000 steps a day would make a difference in weight and fat gain.

What they found was that it didn’t matter if subjects in the study even walked 15,000 steps a day – they still gained weight. In the end, exercise alone is not always the best way to either maintain or lose weight.

This is especially true if you “reward” yourself with a donut after exercise by telling yourself that the exercise cancelled out the calories (it likely did not).

So, Is There Any Benefit to Walking All Those Steps?

The great news, however, is that while walking alone may not be the most effective way to get rid of your “Quarantine 15,” it provides a wide range of emotional and physical health benefits for boomer women.

These include improved cardiovascular health along with a reduced risk of developing high blood pressure, improved cholesterol levels, a lower risk of developing diabetes, lower blood sugar levels, and better overall fitness.

Other benefits identified include relieving back pain, reducing anxiety, helping protect against dementia, colon cancer, and depression as well as an overall improvement in quality of life.

Walking also can decrease the risk of heart disease for postmenopausal women who walk a mile a day by more than 80 percent compared to those who didn’t walk. What I found especially interesting is that walking brings the same benefits to heart health as running!

Walking also is a great way to help prevent becoming a member of what is known as the “walking disabled.” These are boomers who gradually lose the ability to walk for more than a couple of blocks.

This lack of mobility can contribute to a loss of independence, isolation, poorer health, decreased balance (which can contribute to increased falls) and an overall decline in quality of life. If that were not enough, walking can also increase our life expectancy.

More Good News!

And there is even more good news to help get you motivated and committed to walking. The first is that you probably don’t need to walk as much as you may have believed to reap these benefits (so you can throw that excuse out the window).

The second is that physical activity – such as walking – is cumulative. What this means is that you don’t need to go from no walking to an hour or even 30 minutes at a stretch to begin with. You can start with, let’s say, 15 minutes and then work your way up to longer walks as you become increasingly fitter.

And, as your endurance increases, you can also work on walking faster, which can further enhance the benefits of walking.

If Not 10,000 – How Many?

So, let’s start with how many steps we, as boomer women, should be walking a day. It has been suggested that “mature” women who walked just 4,400 steps a day had longer lifespans compared to less active women.

For most of us, that equates to around 45 minutes of brisk walking, which, I believe, is very doable for most of us in the course of a day. For women who walked more, their overall mortality rate continued to drop until they reached a daily step count of 7,500, which is where the benefits seem to plateau in terms of mortality.

In other words, while walking more than 7,500 steps continues to bring many health benefits, a further increase in lifespan does not seem to be one of them. The best news here is that even an increase of just 2,000 steps a day will give us some health benefits.

If you are wondering how to accumulate that many steps without taking a long walk, you need to keep in mind that you can break it up over the course of the day.

There are also some great tricks for getting more steps in such as walking around during commercial breaks while you watch television, making more trips to do your chores and errands, parking at the far end of the parking lot, and taking the stairs when you can.

You don’t need to do it all at once to get the benefits. Just target walking every day for around 30 minutes total, and you should clock in those extra 2,000 steps with no problem.

Step It Up!

How quickly you walk can impact how effective your waking will be in terms of health benefits. While any walking is better than no walking, as you build endurance you should aim for having at least some of your walk be at a faster pace than the rest.

This will increase the cardiovascular benefit. And, also keep in mind that people who can walk faster tend to have a lower mortality rate than slower walkers. So, step it up!

Finally, Don’t Forget to Fuel Those Walks Correctly

It’s really important to remember that you can quickly undo the benefits of walking – or other physical activity – by not eating correctly. Exercise is only one half of the equation for getting and staying healthy.

Giving your body the nutrients it needs and in the right amounts is the other. The foundation for your “walking diet” should, of course, be plant-based meals that you cook at home to give you more control over what you’re eating and how it is prepared.

Then, you can add different foods to help give you the energy and endurance you will need for whatever type of walks you will be doing.

If you want to take longer walks, for example, I would recommend you fuel up with foods that will give you lasting energy such as whole grains, nuts, and healthy fats like avocados.

If you are more in the habit of taking several walks throughout the day, then you may want to consider having a banana or a piece of fruit before you head out.

And, it goes without saying, always stay hydrated, especially if you are in a warmer climate or season. To be sure I always have water handy, I have a sports bottle carrier that ties around my waist like a belt. This way, I can take a sip of water whenever I want.

Would you describe yourself as a “walker”? If so, how much and how often do you walk? How did you get started? How do you stay motivated? If not, is there something about walking that isn’t appealing to you? What would get you interested in it? Please join the conversation.

I’ve never had a migraine, nor has any member of my family. In truth, watching Khloé Kardashian deal with migraine symptoms on Keeping Up With The Kardashians over the years was my first up-close look at how severe migraine pain could be—and I’m not the only one who was educated thanks to Kardashian’s decision to be open about her struggle.

It’s so easy to assume that celebrities, with their glossy lives and perfect Instagram feeds, don’t have to deal with everyday ailments and inconveniences. But when these people choose to let fans and followers in on their struggles, the result can be a beautiful bonding experience. That’s exactly what I felt when I spoke to Khloé Kardashian about her long history of migraine pain, and the scenes in which I’d watched her suffer through it on the show. “It’s so funny, when that was happening, I was like ‘Stop filming me,’” she says of the first time the KUWTK crew filmed her mid-migraine. “You’re so on edge when you have a migraine, and any little thing just annoys the hell out of you. I was like, ‘Get out of my face, stop filming me, no one cares to watch this.’”

At the time, Kardashian thought the footage wouldn’t entertain viewers—and in a way, she was right, but she majorly underestimated the clip’s power. Rather than entertain, it raised awareness and allowed fans to see first-hand what migraine pain was really like. “It’s so interesting how many people remembered that from the show,” she says. “But that just shows how many people do suffer from migraines or know somebody who does, because for some reason everyone remembers that scene of me laying on that couch in agony.”

I was like, ‘Get out of my face, stop filming me, no one cares to watch this.’

As a mega-celeb in the public eye, Kardashian has waded her way through enough tabloid headlines to know that people will pick and choose which parts of her story they want to believe—but when it comes to her migraine journey, she wants to be sure she’s heard loud and clear. Her first migraine symptoms began at age 12, making her a regular at the school nurse’s office.

Invisible illness is a hard concept to grasp for those who haven’t experienced it, and if a person who gets migraines knows no one else with the same pain, it can become quite an isolating burden. “I don’t have anyone in my family who has migraines, so I would express how I was feeling to my family and they would all just kind of say, ‘Oh, you have a headache,’ and brush me off,” she recalls. It wasn’t until a family friend suggested she see a neurologist that she realized she could seek out help for her pain.

That said, the diagnosis itself is often easier than the journey to finding relief. “I’ve tried everything under the sun, from homeopathic remedies to acupuncture to peppermint oil,” Kardashian says, adding that she used to regularly tweet her followers asking for their at-home recommendations. “You get desperate, you just want some sort of relief,” she says.

When she first reached out to her fans, she was overwhelmed with support, and surprised that so many of her followers could relate. “I know my fan base, we’re like BFFs in my head, so when I saw people like, ‘Oh my gosh I suffer from migraines, too,’ that was surprising for me—just how many people I saw that were in this little group with me, the migraine group,” she says.

I get presented and offered a million things a day, but if it doesn’t work for me I’m not just going to talk about it.

Kardashian says she has found relief, though, and it came via new migraine therapy Nurtec ODT (rimegepant), which is approved for the acute treatment of migraine in adults—so much so, in fact, that she’s become an advocate for their Take Back Today campaign, the focus of which is to foster a digital community where people with migraine can connect and share their experiences. The campaign encourages people with migraine to use the hashtag #TakeBackToday on social media to share their stories.

Like so many other people with migraine symptoms, Kardashian had her fair share of trial and error before she found a medication that worked for her. “For my whole adult life I was trying different prescriptions, prescribed and over the counter, and I was actually given Nurtec ODT as a sample,” she shares. It was after success with the sample that Kardashian consulted her doctor about the decision to use the dissolvable medication long-term. “I have been looking for a remedy, a medication, for something for so long. I get presented and offered a million things a day, but if it doesn’t work for me, I’m not just going to talk about it.”

Source: Instagram

Real talk: With everything going on in the world right now, we’re all more on-edge than usual. For Kardashian and so many others, stress is a major migraine trigger. “With the pandemic, I was experiencing more migraines because of stress and the uncertainty of the world,” she admits. Even outside of a global pandemic, it’s easy to see that Kardashian lives a majorly stressful life, with millions of followers watching (and judging) her every move, many of which end up captured on reality TV the following season. On top of all that, she’s a mother to beautiful toddler True, who just might be the most beloved baby on Instagram.

Kardashian insists that wanting to show up for her daughter was part of what made her so determined to find migraine relief. “After my pregnancy, I experienced a spike in my migraines. I think it’s from hormones, I’m not really sure, but you get this Mom Guilt,” she says. “True just turned two not too long ago, so she’s not gonna remember all this, but as a new mom every little moment is precious to you. So when I do have a migraine and I’m knocked out for the day, I feel so terrible. You’re just like, ‘I’m such a bad mom.’”

Kardashian describes how frustrating it can be when True wants to play and all she wants to do is lay down and rest her head. When I joke during our interview that it sounds like a cliché medication commercial I’ve seen before, she acknowledges how true-to-life those commercials sometimes are. “Those commercials are so relatable because they’re just so spot-on,” she says, adding, “I’m just grateful that True is so young and I that have found relief for me.”

All the skeletons are out of my closet. I don’t really have anything to hide.

With True as her top priority, Kardashian has quickly discovered that maintaining her own health is essential to caring for her daughter. “We don’t realize how delicate our bodies are, and we just put them through the wringer every single day,” she says. “It’s kind of miraculous what our bodies can endure.”

With this in mind, Kardashian is taking steps to ensure both her mind and body stay healthy. “You can’t get rid of stress altogether, so you have to learn to cope with it,” she explains. “Working out has been a game-changer for me, drinking a lot of water…all the things that we should do that we probably don’t make ourselves do daily, but they all help.”

Whether or not you experience migraine symptoms or any other health issue, Kardashian’s advice applies to you: “Make sure that you always put yourself first. Take care of you,” she urges her fans. “I’ve always been pretty open—all the skeletons are out of my closet. I don’t really have anything to hide. I’m an open book and I’m happy to be, so I think people were surprised about the way I’ve been able to push through my migraines and still do what I have to do.”

That said, she doesn’t want to downplay the severity of her struggle. “It’s not that easy, so I want people to know, you’re not alone for wanting to lay your head on the floor and not lift it up. I’ve been there, and it just sucks.” The only way to get relief, though, is to proactively seek it out. “I think people put off medical advice because they’re afraid, but with information, then you can do something with it. If you have no information, you don’t even know where to start, so I think being informed is the best,” she insists. “But first and foremost, make sure that you’re happy and healthy, because that’s the heart of everything.”

Kristin Cavallari’s Yellow Draped Dress on Instagram

Kristin Cavallari 2020 Instagram Fashion

Kristin Cavallari said she’s back on set in her yellow draped dress on Instagram. And her stylist Dani Michelle post another pic of Kristin in this same yellow draped dress on IG saying business as usual. Unfortunately, though we don’t know what she’s up to, we know it’s not filming Very Cavallari. I promise I will get over it one day, but today is just not that day.

Anyways, I love the color yellow I think it pops and always brightens a room. Or in this case an Instagram newsfeed. I remember when I was blonde I didn’t want to wear it because I thought it was too much yellow. Kristin just proved that I’m an idiot and that’s just not true because she looks amazing. Now she has me thinking I should go back blonde and buy a yellow dress like hers. For now I should just stick to buying a yellow dress because my hairdresser might kill me if I decide to go back to blonde. Again.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here To Shop Her Ronny Kobo Marisa Dress

Click Here To Shop Her Ruthie Davis Jordan Heel in Black/Clear

Photo & ID Credit: @danixmichelle

Originally posted at: Kristin Cavallari’s Yellow Draped Dress