Caroline Stanbury’s Tan Dress on Instagram

Caroline Stanbury Instagram Fashion 2020

In case you didn’t already know, Caroline Stanbury is not a regular mom (or “mum” as the Brits like to say)…she’s a cool mom mum. Case in point: she had a super cool mural painted in her son Aaron’s bedroom at their fabulous new Dubai home which she showed off to us on the ‘Gram in this pink Juicy tracksuit tan tank dress; which needless to say, totally has us saying come to mama mummy asap.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Good American Dress in Multiple Colours

Photo & Info: @CarolineStanbury

Originally posted at: Caroline Stanbury’s Tan Dress

Women are more invested in their relationships than men, on average. So, it makes sense that we would hurt more when our man leaves us or dies. Many are the times I’ve been almost haunted by memories of my husband, torn apart by his absence.

The Memories Are What Get You

These hauntings are almost always related to a memory. (To make things worse, it’s usually a good memory.) For instance, my husband’s birthday was two weekends ago. I just happened to be in the grocery store.

When I wandered into the cake aisle, I looked at all the offerings: chocolate, lemon, plain old white, and then went to the aisle where they keep the key lime juice and sweetened condensed milk and graham cracker crusts.

Why?

Because my man didn’t like birthday cake, he wanted a key lime pie with homemade whipped cream for his birthday. So, I bought all the stuff to bake the pie, piled it high with whipped cream, put sparklers on top instead of candles because he loved fireworks, and wept over every piece.

You Can’t Stop Thinking About Him

One memory leads to another, which leads to another, and before you know it, he’s all you can think about. No matter how long it’s been, the memories are still there, sabotaging your happiness and self-esteem.

Thoughts of him invade every corner of your sanity, and it feels like he’s all you will ever think about. Oh my. Welcome to your grief at work.

But It’s Really Not About Him

This is where things get interesting. We grieve that exit or that death for the first few weeks or months. Of course we do! We loved them deeply and the loss hurts, badly! But after a few months, you’ve processed all that. The hauntings you’re having now aren’t about them. They’re about you.

It’s About What You Lost When You Lost Him

You see, when we’re in relationship, we hardwire routines and hopes and dreams into our nervous system. Like a spider spinning a silken web, we spin one dream to another, and throw a lifeline around a routine that gives us hope that more of our dreams will come true with our man.

So now that he’s gone, what you’re really missing is your dreams. Losing a man is painful but losing your own dreams that were spun around that man and that relationship is devastating. So much so, it can easily become debilitating if you don’t take the right steps to disengage from it.

It Helps to Name What You Lost

Lists are useful. We use them at the grocery store so we don’t buy the butter and forget the bread. Lists of dashed dreams are useful, too. They help you clean out your mental closet and get clear on what’s happening in your emotional strata.

In your subconscious mind, there is a tape playing your hopes and dreams 24/7. It sounds like this: “I deserved that trip to the Bahamas… we were going to get season basketball tickets… I wonder if that new restaurant he promised to take me to is any good…”

So, when you hear this tape playing, get out a pen and paper and write down what it says. Make sure you have plenty of room because, trust me, there are lots of broken dreams in there.

You Need a Plan

Once you’ve got your list, take a few deep breaths to release the stress associated with this activity. Exhale through pursed lips because it’s good for your heart and blood pressure, which probably increased as you made the list.

Now look at the list and pick one thing you can actualize all by yourself and make a plan to do it!

For instance, maybe you have a girlfriend who would also like to take a cruise to the Bahamas, and you could share a cabin together. Have cocktails in the lounge, and buy tropical drinks at a tiny local bar when you make land for a day.

Give Yourself What He Didn’t or Couldn’t

Not all these hopes and dreams have to stay broken! You can give yourself the things that he was supposed to. It’s really not that hard. You’ve already got a list!

Taking charge of your own happiness by giving yourself the things you want and need is a very powerful thing.

When you take good care of yourself, give yourself special “gifts” every now and then, and treat yourself as a VIP Princess, life will get really fun again! You don’t need him to do that. You just need a list and a plan. And, maybe a girlfriend that likes to go on the lam!

How often do you remember your deceased husband? How often do you mourn over a divorce that wasn’t supposed to happen? What happens to you when those memories float out and fill your mind? How do you battle the negative emotions? Which activities on your list of dreams can you achieve on your own? For which ones would you need a girlfriend? Let’s have a conversation and make those memories easier on you.

I remember being disappointed when I turned 50. I felt like Oprah had let me down. I wasn’t coming into my own body the way all the magazines said I would, the way I was ‘supposed’ to.

I was fighting with a hormonal body, struggling against a job that weighed on me. Exhausted, frustrated. It seemed like many women my age felt like I did, stuck between “been there, done that” and what we’re going to do with the rest of our lives. And these feelings lasted a long time.

Now, several of my friends are just turning 50 or are midway through that decade, 10 to 15 years younger than I am.

We have a lot of common ground, share many of the same values. But a few shifts happened to me as I moved into my sixth decade. And with those shifts came some distinct differences between my not-that-much-younger friends and me.

You’ll Hear Your True Calling in Due Time

Some of my 50-something friends are bumping their heads as they navigate their next job, their next career move. At the very least, they’re getting headaches. And they’re still very driven.

In my 50s, I also had a sense of urgency about making my mark. Seeking a meaningful life or purposeful work doesn’t disappear as we age, but we do become more patient with the unfolding.

We calm down a little. We see the benefits of “wait and see.” We understand in a new way the old saying about how things will happen “in their own time.”

Your Body Will Become Your Own

I’ve noticed that body image is still a factor in our 50s, possibly because our bodies are undergoing rapid changes that are seemingly out of control. I was mystified and disappointed at what was happening to mine!

Thankfully, by the time we turn 60, most of those waters have stopped raging. Or we’re better equipped to ride the rapids. Either way, we finally come to terms with the undeniable changes. We accept that our bodies have limits. Our primary goal becomes staying healthy and active in ways that work for each of us.

We discover a new sense of self and rediscover our personal sense of style. We learn to be gentler with ourselves and to understand exactly the type of nourishment we need and the physical movements that feel right. Regardless of what everyone else is doing. Even in spite of those extra 10 pounds.

Don’t Work, Play!

I was still working hard in my 50s, maybe harder than ever. And if you work hard, then hard is how work will feel.

At 60 and beyond, we can let go of needing to prove anything to ourselves or to anyone else. We might dive into the creative, awaken our inner artist. We may truly embrace that work can feel like play!

As we tumble out of our 50s, we begin to understand that it’s okay to spend our time in ways that are fun, enlivening and joyful. It’s healthy to do so.

You Have Enough Time

The most interesting thing that’s happened to me in the last couple of years is that I’ve stopped worrying about running out of time.

As I released that sense of urgency to get things done, I found that time actually expands. It does any time we’re doing something we love or spending time with people who lift us up. Any time we’re truly present in the moment.

Our 6th decade brings a renewed gratitude for each moment, mindfulness about each event, in a way we might have missed when we were just 10 years younger.

I treasure the common threads that bind me to my younger friends, and I honor the differences that make our time together interesting and our conversations thought-provoking.

But I’m relieved to have already learned some things they’ve yet to master. And I’ve no doubt that my older friends are saying that about me, too.

Have you noticed any differences from your 50s to your 60s? Which ones affected your life the most? Please join the conversation and share with the community!

Dorinda Medley’s Chevron Cape Jacket

Real Housewives of New York Season 12 Episode 14 Fashion

TBH I wasn’t exactly super excited about last night’s Real Housewives of New York based on the previews. I was thinking, another day, another fight in the Berkshires. However, the lightning speed battle and make up was one for the books. For some reason, it just doesn’t get old. I just about dropped dead when all the drama happened before 8pm and looked like it was done before lunchtime.

And what better to commemorate a fab make up moment than doing it in a fab jacket? Dorinda Medley’s chevron cape immediately made me think “Why do I wear so much black? Pieces like this really make a statement.” So a big sorry to The Countess on that, because this time her friend totally stole the show.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Missoni Cape Sold Out at SSense

Originally posted at: Dorinda Medley’s Chevron Cape Jacket