At 25, I was a hot mess. Confused, depressed, reckless. By then I’d completed an undergraduate degree in Psychology, but for a variety of reasons wasn’t yet working steady. It was a dark period. The despair was real. There was no clarity of mind. Just a lot of dukha*, which, in a broad sense, the ancients refer to as suffering. The drinking didn’t help either.

Moving through this condition of mind was no easy feat. Everything felt dark and heavy, like all of my energy channels were blocked.

Yet it’s not uncommon.

My Dukha Story

Women who come to see me for psychotherapy are often in this place.

On occasion, I’d share a personal story in session. It’s a story from the time when I was entrenched in dukha.

It happened long before I became a therapist.

I came to a metaphorical fork in the road of my own inner journey, when I couldn’t navigate my inner world very effectively – or the world around me for that matter.

I remember sitting on my old clunky sofa in an unglamorous apartment in a working-class neighbourhood, completely lost in thought, when a moment of clarity emerged.

In my mind, I could see two paths in front of me: one that led further into a bleak, dark blur, and the other, which, while still dark and blurry, held a very faint glimmer of light in the distance.

I could hear what sounded like a voice in my head, whispering, “Take the road with the most light.”

Now I didn’t have a clue in that moment what it really meant to do such a thing. But I summoned the courage from deep within anyway, and attempted to turn my life in the direction of what I perceived to be the path with the most light, and headed toward it.

In a blink of an eye, I realized:

• I would suffer if I took the path with no light in the distance, and my life would remain the same.
• And, I would suffer if I took the path with the faint glow of light in the distance, but by doing so, would live with a tiny bit of hope my life could be different than it was.

What Made the Difference

Why?

I would be suffering on purpose.

I would be applying a homeopathic** remedy of sorts to my existing suffering.

It meant suffering with the conscious awareness of it, and in so doing, soften it, dissolve it; which allowed me to grow forward in the direction of that faint glimmer of light, and the life that was waiting for me there. A life with much less suffering to endure, and much more joy to delight in.

It was the emergence of the conscious awareness of my suffering that happened on that old sofa so long ago.

Through a process of taking a leap of faith on Life itself and turning in a new direction, that over time, brought me to a place of clarity and spaciousness of mind.

Are You in the Midst of Suffering?

If any of this resonates with you at all, this can be true for you too.

Suffering on purpose is like homeopathy for the soul. It’s the much needed antidote to endless inner pain.

The question is how to do it.

Here are a few insights for your consideration:

Don’t Fall into Distraction Mode

Resist the temptation to distract yourself from painful present moment experience. Distraction comes in many different forms like food, wine, gossip, shopping, TV, YouTube. What’s your favorite form of distraction? I think YouTube-ing is mine at the moment.

Turn Toward the Pain

Acknowledge the pain. Allow yourself to feel it as it is. For some of us, just the thought of doing that is too much to bear. If this is true for you, consider finding a therapist to walk with you through this season. There are some things in life that are best not done alone. This is one of them.

Reflect on Your Suffering

Cultivate a regular reflective practice if you don’t have one already. It could be through meditation, for example, or Yoga. This practice will not only heighten your awareness of yourself, but also show you how to be present to all of you in a gentle, compassionate way.

Clear the Blocked Energy Channels

There are many ways to clear your energy pathways: eating good food your body enjoys, spending time in the sunlight, practicing Yoga, unplugging from electronics, meditating, doing a body cleanse.

Consider Your Light

Start thinking about what ‘the light in the distance’ means to you. Then begin crafting a plan to get there.

At the end of the day, one thing is clear: We suffer if we turn toward our ‘light’, and we suffer if we don’t.

Resources:

*Suffering that results from change in some form, either dissatisfaction with the past, an emotional response to what is happening in the present, or an anxiety about the future. It implies the constant flux of the mind. Embodying the Yoga Sutra: Support, Direction, Space.   D. Charlton, R. Roy. 2019

**Homeopathy: an alternative medicine based on the theory of treating ‘like with like’. https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/homeopathy

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Where do you find yourself on your own inner journey? Which path are you on? Have you turned toward your light?

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

I’m kind of greedy when it comes to my beauty products. I want some type of instant gratification but also long-term benefits. If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to add Murad’s Targeted Wrinkle Corrector to your skincare line-up. The peptide and hyaluronic treatment blurs skin better than the TikTok beauty filter—and has some seriously hydrating benefits, too.

Score this product for 20 percent off (for $63 instead of $79) during Dermstore’s Beauty Refresh Sale with code REFRESH. There are so many other amazing products and brands included in this sale event, but you only have through the end of the day on March 10 to snag these deals. Basically, now’s the perfect time to stock up on several bottles of this wrinkle-erasing product so that you’ll never run out.

Like Peter Thomas Roth’s ultra-viral Instant FirmX Eye Tightener, the immediate, wrinkle-smoothing results of Murad’s serum are only temporary. While I don’t have deep lines (yet!), I noticed the fine lines on my forehead were less noticeable with just one use, and my foundation went on easier, too. The Targeted Wrinkle Corrector is for use all over the face and I found it smoothed my smile lines really well.

Plus, the addition of hyaluronic acid, hexapeptide (a peptide) and vegan squalane work to plump skin and make lines less visible over time. Hydrated skin shows fewer wrinkles.

Murad.

In a clinical study, Murad says 96 percent of testers “saw smoother texture on applied areas immediately upon application,” 90 percent showed “improvement in the look of forehead wrinkles,” and 100 percent saw improvement “in the look of glabella lines (AKA elevens).”

Source: Instagram

I can’t speak to the long-term benefits just yet, but I’m planning on switching my usual makeup primer for Targeted Wrinkle Corrector, instead. Unlike other line smoothers, it doesn’t make my skin feel tight and sticky. Instead, it’s just like a regular hydrating serum that happens to make you look a bit better in seconds. Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with aging (or wrinkles!) and there’s no shame in the Botox game, either. But if you’re looking for something in between au naturale and needles, this might just be your new go-to.

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Everyone and their grandmas know of TikToker Alix Earle and the Drunk Elephant bronzing drops that she turned into a viral sensation. Who doesn’t want to add a little warmth to their complexion, especially when it’s not summer yet? The D-Bronzi Anti-Pollution Sunshine Drops have been selling out at almost every retailer, which might sound like bad news to you, but trust us, it isn’t. That’s because we found an alternative that works similarly to Drunk Elephant’s best-seller except in a primer format.

PÜR’s No Filter Primer Blurring Photography Primer is just what you need to recreate Alix’s signature bronzed glow. The brand is giving this product a reboot with brand-new packaging and shades. This fresh iteration promises to give your complexion a filter-like effect by blurring, smoothing and brightening. It is also formulated to minimize the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. While there’s only a $5 difference between the Drunk Elephant D-Bronzi drops and this blurring primer from PÜR, that’s still money saved!

The complexion-enhancing formula does just about everything you could want in a primer. It reduces redness and the look of imperfections, while prismatic pigments blur and even skin tone. And, of course, it helps your makeup last longer, too. You could even use it as a liquid highlighter to add a little extra shimmer to the high points of your face. 

The primer comes in three shades, but opt for Rose Gold Glow and Bronze Glow if you’re after Alix’s warm, dewy complexion. The TikToker mixes her bronze-boosting products with her go-to face moisturizer. Swap her picks for PÜR’s gel-to-water moisturizer mixed with the brand’s No Filter Primer Blurring Photography Primer. This combo is the perfect formula for achieving Alix’s tanned look.

RELATED: 6 Perfect Dupes for the Sold-Out Drunk Elephant D-Bronzi Drops 

Photo: PÜR.

Shoppers are quick to sing its praises, too. One wrote, “What a lovely primer! Adds a rosy, healthy glow. Sometimes I just use the primer and ditch the foundation altogether. It’s that good.”

Another five-star reviewer raved, “Glides right on and doesn’t leave a sticky stiff feeling on your face. Foundation stays on longer!”

And to top it off, another one wrote, “This is the one product I can’t be without. Nice, sheer coverage that adds life to my skin without looking unnatural. Great for mature skin!”

To see how each shade looks IRL, check out this TikTok from @purcosmetics. You can see just how shimmery and glowy each shade looks on the skin.

@purcosmetics

Glowgetters💖 Achieve a natural and radiant looking finish✨ #glowdrops #glowup #glowing #glowdropserum

♬ starboy the weeknd – xxtristanxo

It’s clear as day that PÜR is onto something with this bronzing primer. The ingredients that back up the results include the brand’s proprietary Ceretin Complex, green tea, ginseng, vitamin E and prismatic blurring micro-pearls. The proprietary complex blends retinol, lactic acid, shea butter and a ceramide to even skin tone and texture while also minimizing the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. Additionally, green tea, ginseng and vitamin E help with visible signs of aging, and the micro-pearls smooth and illuminate your complexion.

Apply this primer after you’ve cleansed and moisturized your skin, but prior to makeup. Or, mix it into your moisturizer or foundation. It also functions as a liquid highlighter under your powder highlighter. Multifunctional beauty products are always welcomed.

Now that you know how to secure Alix’s coveted glow, it’s time to add PÜR’s bronzing primer and moisturizer to your cart.

Margaret Josephs’ Printed Tiered Maxi Dress on Instagram

Real Housewives of New Jersey 2023 Instagram Fashion

Margaret Josephs is looking stunning in her printed tiered maxi dress on Instagram. It really comes with no surprise that this dress is *almost* sold out. But there is no need to be sad about it because we rounded up some solid Style Stealers of it below. All of which will make you want to cry a happy tier.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Alexis Dress

Photo Credit: @therealmargaretjosephs

Originally posted at: Margaret Josephs’ Printed Tiered Maxi Dress

Did you know that every March is National Women’s History Month? Its honorary observance was designated by Congress in 1987. The month is dedicated to honor the contributions and achievements of women to our country.

President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first National Women’s History Week in 1980. In his proclamation, Carter noted that men and women have worked together to help build the United States since the country’s founding:

Too often the women were unsung and sometimes their contributions went unnoticed. But the achievements, leadership, courage, strength and love of the women who built America was as vital as that of the men whose names we know so well.

—President Jimmy Carter

There are so many women throughout our history who made a difference, not only those whose accomplishments we honor, but those who affected our daily life.

This is a tribute to the women who shaped me. Some of them I never knew but I can feel their love and caring when I look at my children and grandchildren, and I can appreciate their contribution to my life. They give me strength and courage every day!

A Tribute

Both of my grandmothers were deceased by the time I was born, but they still touched me in many ways.

Angelina’s Contribution

Angelina was my maternal grandmother. Her family called her Lena. Together she and my grandfather, Henry (Hank), owned several farms in Iowa. Lena and Hank raised four girls. My mother, Pearl, was the youngest and was designated the “outdoor” girl to help her dad with farm chores. Her sisters focused on housework, cooking, etc. – the “indoor” chores.

The stories I have heard about Lena reflect a loving and caring person, but one who was not afraid to stand her ground if the situation warranted. For example, my mother was dating a young man that my grandfather did not like. The young man died in an accident and my mother mourned deeply.

My grandfather, who could be quite stern, did not want my mother to attend the funeral. Lena put her foot down, and she and my mother attended the funeral together.

Lena was an excellent seamstress and sewed clothes for my mom and her sisters in all the latest styles. They always looked very chic. As a result, my mother worked in a retail clothing store in college and even modeled some.

Music must have been important in the household because my mother learned to play the piano and had a beautiful soprano voice. The family was active in their church and that is how my mother and father met. My grandparents encouraged their girls to go to college, and my mother, Pearl, attended college at a church school in Iowa until she married my dad.

Lydia’s Influence

Lydia, my paternal grandmother, was the second wife of John, a minister. John’s first wife died and left him with three children. Lydia and John had four more children together, one of which was my father, Leslie.

Of the seven children, there were three girls and four boys. Although the family lived in several places, John was the minister of the church that my mother’s family attended and, as I mentioned, this is how my mother and father met.

Music was important in the church and in the household. My dad and two of his siblings became professional musicians.

Sports must have also been important because two of my uncles played sports in college and became coaches. A college education was important to this family, as well. My father graduated from a church school in Illinois with a major in music. I think my dad fell for my mom when he heard her sing and play the piano in church. That is how I imagine it.

I do not know if Lydia was musical, but she was a talented artist, and I treasure the painting my family inherited. Lydia died years before I was born, and, sadly, I do not know a great deal about her. Deduction tells me that Lydia was an extraordinary woman to accept and raise all of John’s children.

My Mother

Pearl and Leslie were married in a small ceremony on her parents’ farm. My father had been offered a teaching position in Arizona, so that is where my mother went as a bride. Talk about an adventure for a girl from Iowa!

She often recalled how terrified she was as they drove the “Coronado Trail.” My dad taught instrumental music in each of Clifton, Wilcox, and Tombstone, Arizona, and they both grew to love the desert!

Mom not only survived but thrived in Arizona. She loved the sound of rain on the tin roof of their house and the smell of the desert afterward. The tamales her neighbor shared became a favorite, and she thrilled at the colorful sunsets. Mom found her circle of friends in their church where her musical talents were appreciated, and among fellow teachers.

Arizona had its challenges, though. My mom woke up from a dream with a vivid picture in her mind of a scorpion underneath the baby’s crib… and found one there! On another occasion she was aghast that one of my sisters was offered rattlesnake meat and ate it… and then proclaimed, “It tastes like chicken!”

Another time a fire spread so close to their house that they moved out furniture and other belongings, but the structure was saved by a sudden change in the direction of the wind.

My mother missed her parents and sisters, plus her father was not a fan of the desert (remember he was an Iowa farmer). On one visit he asked, “Why would anyone live in this God forsaken country!” So, every summer the family headed back to Iowa and then returned to Arizona for the school year. Two of my three older sisters were born in Iowa during those breaks. My oldest sisters attended early grade school in Arizona. However, as my grandparents aged, my family moved back to Iowa to be closer to them.

My only brother, Arthur, was born after the move to Iowa. He had cerebral palsy, and his short, two-year life had a dramatic impact on my family. Arthur had curly blond hair and the most beautiful smile. Unfortunately, his life was filled with a great deal of pain and often he could not be comforted. That was especially hard on my mother.

Of course, my older sisters and my father took turns with caregiving, but my mother shouldered the burden. Not only was Arthur ill, but also Lena, my maternal grandmother. Lena died of cancer about a year before Arthur. How filled with sadness those years must have been for Mom!

About five years later, I was born, and I am an identical twin. Our older sisters tell us that Mom could not see her feet for weeks before our birth, and they tried to keep her from looking in a mirror. When she arrived in labor at the hospital, a nurse mentioned something about expecting triplets and mom almost fainted! I’m not sure they even expected twins. There were no diagnostics in those days.

Special Memories

Mom loved people and their stories. When I was growing up, it embarrassed me when she would strike up a conversation with a stranger and within minutes know their life story. Now I understand that she was empathetic, and people felt safe sharing with her.

Mom and Dad always had a garden and Mom shared flowers or fresh garden produce with neighbors and others. They also donated to causes they believed in even if that meant giving up something they wanted themselves. Mom especially sacrificed for her girls. She did without new clothes so we could have something new.

I remember the smell of face powder in my mom’s purse and the taste of her fried chicken and the sound of the stereo playing the musicals she loved. I can still hear my mom playing the piano and singing and can picture us all gathered around to add our voices.

I remember the family vacations driving to California to see my uncle and to Arizona to see friends and relive family memories. Mom would pack for all of us, and I do not remember ever needing something she couldn’t pull from the trunk of the car. Those trips and the adventures they held are treasured.

However, my mother was not the kind of person that I went to with problems or to share secrets. My twin served that purpose. Rarely did I ask Mom for advice. I wonder now if she felt bad or worried about that. I will never know.

What I remember most about my mother is how loved she made me feel! She died when I was in my 30s but I think of her every single day.

My Heritage

What did I learn about my heritage from these memories?

• There is an artistic vein running through the women in my family – sewing, painting, and especially music.
• The women in my family are caring and loving.
• The women in my family are strong.
• New adventures and challenges are embraced.
• Education is, and always has been, a priority.
• I am very lucky!

Thank you for letting me share.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Who do you give tribute to in the Women’s History Month? Who has been the woman who influenced you the most? What can you say about your heritage at this time in your life?