Month: July 2025

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Originally posted at: Gina Kirschenheiter’s Denim Cargo Pants

Ever feel like you’re navigating stormy seas, with each wave bringing another gust of uncertainty? Just when you think you’ve found your bearings, the winds shift again.

I’ve been thinking about uncertainty a lot lately – it’s become our constant companion, hasn’t it?

I recently received an email from a How She Thrives reader in her 60s who’s been divorced for a few years. She shared she was feeling lost and didn’t know where she belonged anymore. “I think this is truly the first time I’ve been completely on my own,” she wrote, “and I’m struggling to find my footing.”

Maybe You Can Relate?

Perhaps you’re starting over after a relationship ended, adjusting to an empty nest, or supporting adult children while caring for elderly parents. Maybe you’re questioning what’s next, reimagining your identity after retirement, or dealing with unexpected health challenges.

Add personal transitions to collective uncertainties – political upheaval, economic instability, natural disasters – and it’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed.

But here’s what I’ve learned: The solution isn’t more certainty or control.

The antidote is developing unshakeable trust in yourself.

What Self-Trust Really Means

Self-trust isn’t positive thinking or self-confidence. It’s deeper – an internal compass that stays true even when external circumstances are stormy.

It’s that quiet, steady voice whispering, “You’ve got this. You’ll figure it out. You’re more capable than you know.”

When you trust yourself deeply, uncertainty becomes less threatening because you know that whatever life presents, you’ll find a way through it. You believe in your ability to learn, adapt, and grow through any situation.

I know what it feels like when that inner voice goes quiet. During some rocky times in my 36-year marriage, I was paralyzed with indecision between staying and leaving, second-guessing every instinct I had. (P.S. I’m so glad I stayed!)

Think back to when you successfully navigated a significant life change – starting a new career, moving to a new city, rebuilding after loss. You probably didn’t have all the answers, but step by step, you figured it out.

That wasn’t luck – it was self-trust in action.

Building Your Trust Muscle

Rebuilding self-trust is like strengthening a muscle – it grows stronger with consistent practice. Here are seven helpful exercises I’ve discovered:

Start a “Wins Journal”

Each evening, write down three things you handled well that day, no matter how small. Did you set a boundary? Make a difficult phone call? Choose self-care over people-pleasing?

Practice Micro-Bravery

Take small risks that stretch your comfort zone. Speaking up in a group, trying a new route home, reaching out to someone you admire.

Listen to Your Inner Wisdom

Create pockets of silence – during tea, a solitary walk, brief meditation – where your inner voice speaks most clearly.

Honor Your Word to Yourself

Make and keep small promises. Walk for 10 minutes, meditate for five. These acts of self-integrity build powerful trust.

Embrace the “Yet”

Transform limiting beliefs by adding this word: “I’m not good at boundaries… yet.” “I haven’t found my purpose… yet.” This reminds you that you’re constantly evolving.

Create a Self-Trust Circle

Surround yourself with trusted friends who believe in you unconditionally. Share victories, no matter how small.

Practice Present-Moment Trust

When overwhelmed by future uncertainties, return to now. Ask: “Do I have what I need right now? Can I trust myself to handle this moment?” Usually, the answer is yes.

The Transformation

When you strengthen self-trust, something magical happens. You make decisions more easily, bounce back more quickly from setbacks, and experience less anxiety about the future. You set healthier boundaries and feel more authentic in your relationships.

More than that, you become a living example of what’s possible, inspiring others to discover their own inner strength.

Moving Forward with Grace

The most skilled sailors don’t wait for perfect weather – they learn to work with whatever conditions arise. They trust their training, intuition, and ability to adjust their sails as needed. You have the same capacity.

Remember: You don’t need to wait until you feel entirely certain to take the next step. You don’t need every detail figured out. You just need to connect with that deep, wise part of yourself that has always known the way.

You’re not just surviving uncertainty – you’re learning to sail by the bright north star of your own inner guidance. And that light within you will never lead you astray.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Think back to a time when you surprised yourself with your own resilience. What did that experience teach you about trusting yourself? If your inner compass could speak to you right now, what do you think it would say?

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Originally posted at: Tamra Judge and Emily Simpson’s Black Cropped Sweatshirts

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Originally posted at: Emily Simpson’s Black Geometric Sunglasses

Imagine a time when everything familiar in the world around you felt like it was crumbling. The year is 500 BCE, the place – ancient China. The old order is collapsing: kingdoms are at war; traditions are being questioned; families are being torn apart by political chaos. Having provided stability for centuries, the poor old Zhou Dynasty is gasping its last breaths. This is the era historians would later call the Spring and Autumn period, which was followed by the aptly named Warring States period. It was, to put it mildly, not a happy time.

Any of this sound vaguely familiar? Amid our own era’s rapid change and various kinds of upheavals, if you squint a little, you might just recognize something of ourselves in this ancient chaos.

In the days of the Zhou Dynasty, Kong Qiu – better known to us as Confucius – did not have access to this fine website. Fortunately, he was more than capable of seeking answers elsewhere. In fact, for me, the where and how he looked for it is fascinating if you put it into the context of his time.

You see, while others looked to the heavens for mystical solutions or withdrew from society to seek enlightenment, he did something remarkably practical: he looked at the chaos around him and asked, “What if we could create pockets of harmony right here, right now, starting with our own families and communities?”

The Practical Philosopher

As I’ve just hinted at, Confucius wasn’t particularly interested in abstract philosophy or mystical experiences. While other thinkers of his time – he was born in about 551 BCE, we think – pondered the nature of the cosmos, he focused on something more immediate: how we treat each other at the dinner table, in the marketplace and in our communities. On more immediate things, in other words.

Blending with Buddhism’s philosophical framework and Taoism’s spiritual insights, what emerged from his teachings would shape Chinese civilization for over two thousand years. Crucially, where the first two of these traditions often point us inward or upward, Confucianism points us toward each other.

The Five Virtues: A Framework for Flourishing

And how does it point us towards each other? I would say through five interconnected virtues that are designed to create a framework for meaningful living.

Humaneness

Ren (humaneness) is the ultimate virtue, comprising compassion, kindness and empathy. As Confucius put it, “Do not impose on others what you do not desire.”

Ritual Propriety

Li (ritual propriety) encompasses the manners and rituals that foster social harmony, from thank-you notes to family traditions.

Filial Piety

Xiao (filial piety) extends beyond simple respect for parents to loyalty in all our relationships.

Righteousness

Yi (righteousness) calls on us to act with moral integrity, especially when no one is watching.

Wisdom

And Zhi (wisdom) reminds us that cultivating knowledge and discernment is a lifelong journey.

Above all, I see these as practical tools rather than abstract concepts. When I read about them, I felt a certain sense of validation of what I’d like to think I’ve long instinctively known:

Kindness matters, rituals create connection, honouring our relationships builds meaning, integrity defines us, and we’re never too old to learn.

A Place for Everyone

Do you ever feel like you’ve spent decades trying to be everything to everyone? For many women, this is one of the defining experiences of women since the mid-20th century. I ask the question because I think Confucianism has something rather profound and refreshing to say about this, celebrating well-defined roles and the boundaries they create. So long as it’s not within some oppressive hierarchy, there’s liberation rather than limitation in knowing what your place is.

Staying within a Role

For us 60-plus women, one way to read what Confucianism has to say about roles is that we can stop that exhausting performance of somehow doing everything someone in prime adulthood does. We can step back, and take on the roles of grandparenthood and not getting in the way of the younger generations’ quest to do things differently. There’s profound relief in accepting that we are elders now, with all the respect and responsibility that entails.

This doesn’t mean becoming rigid or demanding deference. I would argue it’s more about stepping fully into our role as wisdom-keepers and tradition-bearers. When we accept our place in a healthy generational hierarchy, we free our children to be adults and our grandchildren to be children.

Life Has Structures

At the heart of Confucianism, then, I see a simple insight: life has structures, and within those structures, we can find freedom. I confess that, on the face of things, this interpretation might clash more than a little with the wisdom about “letting go” and “going with the flow” that I’ve highlighted in my posts on other belief systems.

I’m not going to pretend I’m equal to the task of reconciling every tenet of every belief system, and in any case I wouldn’t want to, because if I did, I’d lose out on what might be the most profound Confucian insight of them all: relationships thrive – and we thrive – when everyone understands what they can contribute and what can be left to others.

The Timeless Guide for Today

We live in a time not unlike Confucius’s, where institutions we trusted are changing and social norms are in flux. Confucianism, I’ve found, helps me to see opportunity in all this where I once might have been more tempted to see doom and gloom. It makes me see how people like you and me can be the bridges between old and new, the keepers of wisdom and the creators of new traditions.

Confucius showed us that we don’t need to achieve perfect philosophical enlightenment. We just need to create small circles of harmony, relationship by relationship, conversation by conversation, courtesy by courtesy. If we can do this, we become part of the endless human project of creating meaning from chaos, connection from isolation and wisdom from experience.

Questions for You:

How do you see your role in the community around you? What family traditions have you created or maintained that bring order to your family life? How do you balance being a wise elder with continuing to learn and grow?