Month: April 2026

I still remember the day when our daughter and son-in-law announced that they were having a baby. My husband Rick and I were going to be grandparents! The pregnancy and birth happened in the blink of an eye. We were blessed with a beautiful, bouncing, 8 lb.10 oz. baby boy named Jacob. He was radiant. . . a gift from God.

The Decision

Our girl finished her post-secondary education and landed a great full-time job upon graduation. I’d just retired after having worked for 25 years, and was looking forward to some uninterrupted quilting time. But, in the words of the Scottish poet, Robbie Burns:

“The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”

With our daughter’s full support and endorsement, I made the decision to be our grandson’s daytime caregiver. My close friends thought I was crazy! But I felt strongly it was the right decision for us. So. . . in a spare upstairs bedroom, we set up a crib, a little dresser, stocked a change table with supplies and retrieved an old rocking chair from the basement. It was a cute and cozy room. It would do nicely.

Meeting the Neighbours

Jacob and I began walkabouts with me pushing him in the stroller. Our neighbours got to know him; he got to know the neighbours. We’d stop at the park on the corner, and we’d swing and slide and eat a snack sitting on a blanket under a canopy of trees. He’d eat cheerios one by one and babble away in baby talk. I’d answer – just like I knew what he was saying. He beamed all the time. When he was tired, we’d head home for his afternoon nap. Sometimes, I’d sleep too.

Making New Friends

The two of us started drop-in, twice a week, gym and swim classes at the local YMCA. Jacob the toddler, delighted in climbing the monkey bars, sharing a massive, colourful parachute with the other kids and tumbling on soft, mushy mats. He ran everywhere he went, with that familiar, megawatt smile on his face. In the pool, there were noodles and toys and floaties to play with. We both had so much fun and made some new friends.

With our new friends in tow, we visited the zoo and the science center and played outside at the neighbourhood Birth Place Forest. The boys rode bikes or scooters down the front sidewalks. We had birthday parties and Halloween fun and watched hockey games. We ate ice cream together, while walking down the path by the river. In the hot, summer sun, Jacob and his buddies splashed and laughed and chased each other in and out of the backyard blow-up pool. Then, we’d sit on their damp towels by the boulevard under the giant poplar trees and count the cars driving by.

Preschool

On his first day of preschool, all dressed in new clothes with a tiny backpack slung over his shoulders, he posed for a photo in front of our garage door. He said,

“Grandma, I’m walking to school all by myself today.”

I burst his bubble when I told him it was too far away to walk. I’d have to drive him. From that day forward, and until his first day of grade 12, we have a photo of Jacob standing in front of our garage door. That became our yearly growth chart.

Unabashed Zest for Life

During trips to the skateboard park in the spring and summer, raking leaves into “jumping” piles in the fall, and building a backyard snow cave in the winter, Jacob has never failed to teach me something new. His unabashed zest for life, his buoyant attitude of always being “up for anything” and his love of nature, was contagious. His beaming countenance has never failed to touch my heart in a way that will remain with me until the day I die. I love him beyond words.

The Privilege of My Life

This year, Jacob turned 24 years old. With his mom, his dad, and his sister, the six of us spend time together, eating Sunday dinners or going to the movies or sitting outside at the lake. My bond with my grandson is unbreakable. I cherish all the hours we’ve spent together and look forward to all those hours still to come. Being with Jacob, being his grandma, is truly the privilege of my life. I would not change a thing.

Questions for You:

As a grandparent, what is your position on childcare for grandchildren? How do you cherish loved ones? Are your grandchildren a continuing part of your life?

There’s a phrase most of us have heard our entire lives: “Just be strong. You’ll bounce back.”

It’s meant kindly. But by the time you’ve lived six decades, you already know something that phrase refuses to acknowledge.

Some experiences don’t leave you unchanged. And they’re not supposed to.

The Myth We’ve All Been Sold

For most of our lives, resilience has been sold to us as toughness. Push through. Stay positive. Get back to normal. Act like it didn’t touch you.

A recent essay in The Conversation by Dr. Keith Bellizzi – a professor of human development at the University of Connecticut, a four-time cancer survivor, and author of Falling Forward: The New Science of Resilience and Personal Transformation – makes a case worth taking seriously.

Resilience, he argues, is not about bouncing back. It is about integrating what has happened into the life you are still living.

That reframe matters more after 60 than it does at any other stage. Because by this point in life, integration isn’t optional. It’s the only option the body actually accepts.

Why “Bouncing Back” Breaks Down After 60

According to U.S. Census data analyzed by Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family & Marriage Research, roughly 30 percent of women aged 65 and older are widowed. That’s nearly one in three. Add divorce, caregiving loss, serious diagnoses, and the end of long-held careers, and the picture becomes clear: by this stage of life, significant loss is not an exception. It is the norm.

You cannot “bounce back” from becoming a widow, or from watching your parents decline, or from a body that now has limits it didn’t have before. These events are structural, not temporary. You cannot bounce back on a schedule set by someone who isn’t living your life.

When the culture keeps insisting you should spring back anyway, something quiet and corrosive happens: you start to feel like you’re failing at resilience. Like everyone else got the memo and you didn’t.

You didn’t fail. The definition was wrong.

What the Research Actually Shows

Bellizzi points out something important: in studies of people facing serious life disruptions, distress and resilience often show up at the same time, in the same person.

In his research with cancer survivors, participants reported real grief – about their bodies, their finances, their disrupted plans – alongside real growth, like deeper relationships and a clearer sense of purpose. Both were true. Neither canceled the other out.

There’s also a nervous system layer. When people reflect on hard experiences and work them into a coherent life story – rather than suppressing or denying them – the brain regions involved in emotional regulation and flexible thinking become more engaged. Making meaning out of what happened to you is not a sentimental exercise. It’s physiology.

What hard experiences leave behind is not evidence of failure. It’s evidence of a system that paid attention.

The Shift That Actually Helps

Instead of asking:

“How do I get back to who I was?”

A more honest question is:

“Who am I now, with everything I’ve lived through?”

That’s where resilience actually lives. Not in erasing the experience. In carrying it forward.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

Integration sounds abstract until you see it in small daily choices.

One of the simplest tools I’ve written about is what I call the Both/And Practice – holding two things that feel contradictory but are both true. I want to help AND I need to protect my energy. I’m grieving AND I’m still capable of joy. The old resilience model forced us to pick one. Integration lets both be true.

The other piece that matters after 60 is learning to read your own capacity honestly. Some days you have the bandwidth for difficult conversations, complex decisions, and long to-do lists. Other days you don’t – because of poor sleep, weather, an anniversary you forgot was coming, or simply the accumulated weight of what you’re carrying. I’ve written about these as window days and keyhole days. Window days are for the big things. Keyhole days are for canceling what can be canceled, resting without guilt, and doing only what’s essential.

A keyhole day might look like this: you wake up and something feels heavier than it did yesterday, though nothing in particular has happened. The old version of you would push through and call it discipline. The integrated version makes tea, moves the hard phone call to Thursday, and doesn’t apologize for either decision. Neither day is a failure. Both are information.

From there, integration looks like:

• Letting grief exist without rushing to fix it. You don’t have to be “over it” by a certain date. The calendar is not in charge of your heart.
• Building a life that reflects who you are now – not who you used to be, and not who someone else expects you to still be.

Resilient people aren’t relentlessly positive. They allow room for the whole range – gratitude and grief, hope and fear.

One Honest Caveat

This doesn’t mean everyone has to come out of hard experiences “transformed.” Sometimes life simply hands you something heavy and the work is just to keep walking. Growth isn’t a requirement. Integration isn’t a performance.

The point is permission – not pressure.

The Closing Thought

You don’t need to prove your strength by pretending nothing affected you. You don’t need to bounce back to count as resilient.

Resilience at this stage of life looks like this:

Carrying your experiences forward – and still choosing to live fully.

You’ve earned every chapter you’re carrying.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does resilience mean to you? In your experience can it be a BOTH/AND practice or is it one or the other practice?

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Originally posted at: Dorit Kemsley’s Navy Satin Shirt and Belted Pants

The number one reason women state for not travelling alone is safety.

What is less understood is that personal safety begins long before you step foot on a plane. The real work begins before you even leave home. We have all heard horror stories about women being robbed, attacked or even worse in hotel rooms, but the truth is, there is so much we can do to minimalize risk and feel safe wherever we go.

As we get older, we become more aware of the realities of the world, but with preparation and common sense, travelling is no more dangerous than being at home.

The whole point of travelling is going to unknown places and doing strange and wonderful things. All that is possible without compromising your safety.

Here is how:

1. Choose the Right Hotel

Not all hotels are created equal. Look for:

• 24/7 front desk staffing.
• Keycard-only access and secure elevators.
• A location on a well-lit street, close to transportation, restaurants, and shops.
• Surveillance in corridors and common areas.
• Positive reviews from other solo female travelers.

Modern, clean and moderate-sized hotels are ideal. They should бе large enough to have all the amenities you need, but not so bиg you get lost in the crowd. Research the hotel and the surrounding area to see if it is the right place for you.

Try to choose a hotel within walking distance of transit, restaurants and shops. It’s nice to spend the first day after you land wandering the area and staying close to home. That way, as soon as you feel tired, you can head back for a rest and a nice shower, grabbing supplies and even dinner as you go.

Greet the reception staff whenever you can. Common courtesy goes a long way, and they will remember you in the event you need a favor. Hotel staff have a lot of discretion to help the people they like. Ask for their ideas for restaurants within walking distance and if there are any places to go close to the hotel.

Look for a hotel with a main entrance and a reception desk you have to walk past to get to the rooms. Do not consider any rooms outside the hotel or by the pool or ocean where anyone can walk past. If it is a resort, make sure that there is adequate security and that they keep non-guests out of the area. A motel should not be considered if you are travelling alone.

If you are arriving by car, park in a well-lit area at the front of the building and have your luggage ready. Spend as little time as possible outside your car or organizing your luggage.

2. Be Mindful When Entering the Hotel

After walking in, take a moment to look around and get a feel for the kind of people in the lobby. Do you feel comfortable? Does it appear to be mainly hotel guests or are there shops and dinner patrons as well?

If there is a long line for reception, take a seat and wait for it to clear. Introduce yourself and let them know that your partner will be checking in later. When you are given your keycard, ensure that if they say your room number, no one else can hear.

Most hotels do not have guests on the ground floor. If you are given a ground floor room, request a room on floors 3 to 6, if possible. These floors are low enough to allow safe evacuation in case of a power outage but high enough to prevent easy access from outside.

3. Elevator Safety

Make sure the elevator requires a room key to operate. If anyone stays behind when the doors open, wait for the next elevator. Once inside, stand close to the control panel doors and do not press the buttons until everyone else has pressed theirs, or if you are alone, until the doors close.

If the elevator is too crowded, either do not enter or simply step out. Always keep your backpack or purse in front of you with your hand across it.

Never keep your phone in your back pocket. Try to keep it in a zippered front pocket, if possible.

If something feels off, step out of the elevator on any floor and wait for the next one.

4. Control Your Room Entry

Once you exit the elevator, if others exit at the same time, let them enter their own rooms first to avoid revealing which room is yours. If they do not enter a room, return to the elevator and return to the ground floor and try again. This is one of the most important times for your personal safety.

When you approach your room:

• Keep your keycard in hand.
• Look around.
• Open the door slightly and listen before stepping in.
• Turn on lights immediately.

Once inside:

• Lock the door using all available locks.
• Use a portable door wedge or alarm for extra security.
• Take a quick scan of the room, including the bathroom and under the bed.
• Cover the peephole for privacy.

If anything feels slightly off, leave immediately and request a new room. There is no need to investigate or second-guess yourself.

Although the media occasionally reports on hidden cameras or two-way mirrors, these situations are extremely rare in reputable hotels. Staying in well-reviewed properties significantly reduces this risk.

If someone comes to your door, call the reception to verify that the person is a hotel worker. Whenever possible, try to handle the situation over the phone rather than opening the door.

5. Stay Situationally Aware

Awareness is one of your most powerful tools.

• Avoid wearing earbuds when walking.
• Stay off your phone as much as possible.
• Use reflections (windows/mirrors) to observe your surroundings.
• Change directions if something feels off and walk into a store or café.

A Final Thought

When it comes to personal safety at home or abroad, it is important to listen to your own intuition. Remember, your willingness to help can be used against you by unscrupulous people, always put your own safety first.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your special trick for hotel safety? Have you experienced any suspicious situations in hotels?

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Originally posted at: Dorit Kemsley’s Brown Wrap Dress