Month: June 2026

One of the most common worries I hear from women over 60 who are dating is the lack of available partners in their area. I get it. But I also see happy, committed couples every single day who have made a different kind of choice: they’re in love, they’re all in, and they don’t share a home!

Sharing living space isn’t the only way to show commitment. For many women, an LAT setup – Living Apart Together – has turned out to be not a compromise, but a genuine revelation.

What “Living Apart Together” Actually Means

In a LAT relationship, couples are committed and usually relatively close geographically, but they each keep their own home. These couples see each other regularly and consider themselves fully committed. Keeping separate homes is a deliberate choice.

The term was coined by a Dutch journalist in the 1970s. What’s new is that researchers are now paying serious attention to it. A study published in The Journals of Gerontology found that non-residential unions are growing steadily, especially among older adults who’ve navigated a previous marriage and want more say over how they structure their next chapter.

Why Women Over 60 Choose This

Many women I work with have raised kids, been through divorces, and spent years accommodating another person’s habits and rhythms. Keeping what they’ve built for themselves feels right.

Here’s what typically drives the choice toward LAT:

• You value your independence and personal space, and you feel you’ve earned it.
• Your sleep schedules, daily routines, or living styles genuinely conflict.
• You want to protect your finances or assets after a previous marriage.
• Adult children or blended family dynamics make full cohabitation complicated.
• You’d rather have time together feel chosen vs. obligatory.

This isn’t avoidance. For many couples, it’s clarity about what has not worked in the past.  If you’ve been carrying old relationship patterns into your decisions without realizing it, understanding your real motivations matters. Think about it.

The Real Benefits

Some people assume physical separation means emotional distance. Many LAT couples find the opposite is true. When you’re not navigating daily domestic friction together, you tend to show up for each other with more patience and more genuine desire. Time together is intentional, not the default. And intention is one of the most underrated ingredients in a lasting relationship.

What LAT couples consistently report:

• Stronger emotional connection because time together is actively chosen.
• A better physical relationship, partly because some time apart actually works (absence makes the heart grow fonder).
• Less conflict over day-to-day domestic friction.
• A stronger sense of self, which makes you a better partner.

The Challenges You Can’t Ignore

Physical separation, even just across town, can create emotional distance if you’re not deliberate about it. You have to be explicit about how much time you’ll spend together, what your expectations are, and where things are headed. LAT doesn’t let you coast on proximity.

Common challenges LAT couples face:

• Building shared routines and a genuine sense of “us” takes more intentional effort.
• If you’re sick or going through something hard, you may feel more alone.
• Others might judge you and devalue your relationship.
• Expectations that cohabiting couples leave unspoken have to be talked through directly.

Understanding what real compatibility looks like before committing to any structure is foundational. And the 8-step communication framework I teach becomes even more essential in a LAT relationship, because you cannot gloss over communication gaps by assuming that proximity equals connection.

Is It Right for You?

Both people have to genuinely choose this setup, not just tolerate it. So really ask yourself:

• Am I choosing separate homes because it genuinely serves the relationship, or because I’m avoiding something harder?
• Are my partner and I aligned on what we want and where this is going?
• Does the time we spend together actually build our connection?

I’ve seen women thrive in LAT relationships when they choose them from a place of strength. I’ve also seen women drift into them from conflict-aversion or fear. There’s a real difference. If you’re not sure which one applies to you, that’s worth figuring out before you commit to any structure. As a dating coach, I’ve seen that the women who do the self-awareness work come out ahead every time.

The real question is whether you and your partner have the self-knowledge and honest communication to make this genuinely work, rather than using separate spaces as a comfortable way to sidestep the deeper work a committed relationship requires.

Those questions are worth sitting with. If the deeper work of building a relationship with real staying power is something you are ready for, that is exactly the kind of clarity I help women find.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you thought about a different kind of relationship setup? Do you think a Living Apart Together type of understanding would work for you – physically, financially and emotionally?

Personal growth is great and is something that I want to continue doing for the rest of my life. I mean, who wants to become stagnant and stop growing? Have you heard the saying, ‘use it or lose it’? Well, that isn’t just geared towards our muscles; it’s also true of our wonderful brains. Just like our physical muscles, our mindset requires conscious practice to maintain and grow.

Our brain is not wired to keep us happy; it’s wired to keep us safe, to survive, to stay alive. If you aren’t actively training your mind to grow, your brain scraps those new connections and defaults right back to survival mode.

Now, as much as I want to continue growing – I expect many of you do too, and of course it sounds wonderful in theory – but what is often overlooked is that sometimes personal growth can also be uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable because, along with growth, inevitably some things can change.

Relationships Might Change

You might have been a people pleaser or that person who never says no, despite it eating into your own time, energy and wellbeing.

Growing might mean you start putting your best resource first – you! And so, you learn to say no, implement healthy boundaries, stop people pleasing and start to shift your priorities.

And sometimes not everyone is comfortable with that, and that’s okay. Not everyone will grow in the same direction or at the same pace.

Feeling Alone

You might also start to feel a little more alone or that you don’t fit into your old circles anymore. You are no longer interested in small talk, negativity or idle gossip.

It’s hard when this happens and it can be that awkward in-between stage. However, you can always meet like-minded people by getting yourself out to classes or events that align with your newfound growth. What’s going on in your area that aligns with your interests or goals?

You Are Less Likely to Settle

You now know what you want, and this is a good thing. But some might see that as being difficult or set in your ways. All it means is that you have decided what is important to you and what standards you wish to stick to. If something isn’t right for you or isn’t working, you’re less likely to go for it or stick around.

This might be in relation to work you want to pursue, relationships, friendships or how you spend your time. There’s a difference between compromising and settling for something that doesn’t serve you anymore, and there’s nothing wrong with having boundaries, goals, expectations or standards for your life. In fact, it’s super healthy.

It’s important to note that growth doesn’t solve everything. There will still be days when you are tested, when you doubt yourself, get angry, frustrated or feel you are slipping back into old ways.

The important thing to remember is that this is also normal. We are only human. We can still have bad days and we can still make mistakes. In those moments, remember how far you have come and be kind to yourself.

Emotions are natural and we can’t all be super ‘Zen’ all the time. So don’t beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself.

My Process of Growth

I’m currently in a process of growth and noticing how things are slowly changing around me. In one sense, it’s sad because it’s a different way of living, and along with that, how I interact with some people is also changing, as I’m not into the same things and vice versa.

So, the life I once knew is slowly transitioning.

And on one hand, that can feel a little unsettling at times. On the other hand, I am also learning to accept that the one constant is change, and that relationships or situations can’t last forever, and definitely not in the same capacity as they once did.

And that’s fine.

If any of this resonates with you and you’re feeling stuck, at a crossroads, or simply ready for a change, I offer complimentary Discovery Calls.

Sometimes it helps to have a conversation with someone outside of your situation. Someone who can listen, ask the right questions and help you explore what comes next.

Question for You:

Have you experienced any unexpected downsides to personal growth? Perhaps you’ve found yourself setting new boundaries, outgrowing old habits, or feeling a little disconnected from people and situations that once felt familiar. I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.

You know that quote floating around the internet – the one that says “Grow old with someone who makes you feel young.”

Well, I’m not just growing old with someone who makes me feel young… I somehow landed a man who makes me feel like I should a helmet and a permission slip.

Over two years ago, I met this great man. And listen – nobody was more shocked than me to discover there was still a decent one left roaming the earth. I half expected him to glitch like a hologram or disappear into a puff of smoke. But nope. He stayed. And from day one, we’ve been having fun like two teenagers who found the keys to the family minivan.

And here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be a “fun activity.” We don’t need ziplining, jet skis, or a curated Instagram moment. We can be running errands – boring errands – and still manage to turn it into a whole spectacle.

Case in Point: Lowe’s

Picture Lowe’s. Two grown adults. Two oversized lumber carts stacked with wood. One innocent aisle.

I start running and pushing my cart like I’m training for the Lumber Olympics, and without missing a beat, this man – this respectable, responsible, fully grown man – starts racing me. No hesitation. No “people are watching.” No “the kids are embarrassed.” Just pure, unfiltered silliness.

And if you think that was our peak chaos moment, allow me to introduce

Exhibit B: Sandals

Last year, we went on vacation and somehow – somehow – ended up in the resort’s newlywed game. And by “ended up,” I mean I was leaping out of my seat like a Price Is Right contestant who just heard her name. Hands waving. Eyes sparkling. Zero shame. I was getting on that stage one way or another.

And we did. And we won. And we laughed so hard I’m pretty sure the staff considered checking our IDs to confirm we were, in fact, adults.

Being Silly Isn’t Bound to Romance

But you don’t need a romantic love to be silly with, be silly with your girlfriends. Because let me tell you – there is nothing like being at a restaurant with my crew, laughing so obnoxiously loud that even the 20‑somethings are staring at us like, “Ma’am… how are y’all having THAT much fun on a Tuesday?”

Growing older with a supportive friend group is just as magical. Just as joyful. Just as life‑giving.

And while our bodies may be getting a little older, our spirits? Oh, honey – they’re more youthful than ever. Because we’re less inhibited now. Less worried about judgment. Less concerned with fitting into anyone’s expectations.

We laugh louder. We love harder. We show up fully. And we don’t apologize for any of it.

Sure, we move a little slower these days. Sure, we go to bed earlier than we used to. Sure, we might need to pop an ibuprofen like it’s a pregame ritual so we aren’t hobbling around the next day.

But fun? Silliness? Joy? Oh, honey – those are always on the menu.

Growing Older vs. Growing Boring

Now, let’s be honest: this growing older thing can sometimes be for the birds. More doctor’s appointments. More aches and pains. Slower getting the proverbial engine going in the morning. And all that jazz.

But growing older doesn’t mean growing boring. It means you’ve earned the right to laugh loudly, love deeply, and race your partner down the aisle of a home improvement store like the absolute menaces you are.

And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because if this is what “getting older” looks like… then go ahead and sign me up for the senior discount. I’ll be the one in aisle 12, racing my man with a cart full of lumber, a bottle of ibuprofen in my purse, my girlfriends cheering from the sidelines, and zero shame.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Who are you growing old with? Do these people help you find joy every day? What silly things have you done with your crew?

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Amanda Batula’s Grey Zip Up Hoodie

Lindsay Hubbard’s Khaki Jacket and Red Sunglasses

Ariana Madix’s Turquoise Mesh Dotted Turtleneck and Pants

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