Month: June 2026

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Originally posted at: Liz McGraw’s Gold Chainmail Top

As I prepared to write this article, I googled myself multiple times. Each search turned up something different. Several months ago, I had requested removal from the Zoom.info database and hadn’t thought much about it since. My initial search showed mostly expected results – my website, my LinkedIn profile, and social media links from a local organization I volunteer for. But then I dug deeper.

Launching My Investigation

I googled my name and hometown, then tried my maiden name and my husband’s name. I also experimented with Bing.com and DuckDuckGo.com to see if different search engines produced different results.

The Bing.com search, unlike Google, revealed data broker sites. However, clicking these links led only to error pages or generic landing pages, not to my personal information.

Despite those dead links, I did find one unexpected result: when I searched for my husband’s name, Homes.com came up and listed both our names, our address, and a large, full-color photo of our house. Interestingly, my own name search didn’t turn up this listing.

Although I realize that fully erasing your digital footprint is unrealistic, I do think it is wise to regularly review the information available about yourself and decide which actions to take. But be forewarned –this is an ongoing process and not a simple-three-steps-and-you’re-done fix.

Digging Deeper

Curious, I decided to investigate Spokeo.com’s data about me. I paid for a 7-day trial with a virtual credit card and noted when I needed to cancel it to avoid recurring charges. The findings were underwhelming: old addresses (some accurate), an outdated phone number, and a list of relatives – including a grandparent who passed away nearly 50 years ago. Most intriguing was the ‘personal interests’ section, reflecting topics I’d selected in old online forms, from wine to luxury travel.

What surprised me most wasn’t that the information existed somewhere. It was how disconnected and messy the entire system felt.

That’s when I started reaching out to sites, asking them to delete my information. Some complied quickly; others rejected my requests due to state privacy laws. On some sites, my information still surfaced indirectly, or the process stalled without resolution.

With each step, I saw more clearly why old addresses and records linger online: the internet is designed to copy, archive, and redistribute data much faster than most people realize.

Where to Start with Managing Your Digital Footprint

Fair warning: this isn’t a simple checklist you can knock out in an afternoon. It’s more of an ongoing process, so staying organized from the start will save you headaches later. 

Begin by searching your name on Google. Try variations: your maiden name, hometown, and your name plus your spouse’s name.

Use at least one alternative search engine, like Bing.com or DuckDuckGo.com, to spot varied results.

Investigate one data broker site at a time to stay organized. For each, open your profile, copy the URL, and use the links below to find opt-out instructions. Keep a log of requests and their status.

Expect mixed responses to your opt-out requests: some sites respond quickly, others require follow-up, and some may not comply at all.

Understand this is a recurring task and schedule regular reviews of your digital footprint.

Broker Sites Info

Below are the broker sites I investigated, along with their opt-out links. The opt-out process varies by site and state. Generally, the process was straightforward, and having the links handy will save you significant time. Knowing where to start can make tackling your own footprint less overwhelming.

Opt out of Spokeo:

https://www.spokeo.com/optout

​Opt out of Homes.com

https://privacy.costar.com/DSAR-submission

​Opt out of whitepages.com:

Use the form here: https://www.whitepages.com/privacy/consumer-rights

​OR

Submit your request via email by contacting privacyrequest@whitepages.com. Ensure you include all relevant profile URLs and personal details when making your request.

Opt out of FastPeopleSearch.com:

https://www.fastpeoplesearch.com/optout

Or via phone at (866) 679-8725

Opt out of Fastbackgroundcheck.com: 

This site sent an email in response to my opt-out request, stating that, since I live in Illinois, which does not have a ‘comprehensive consumer privacy law’ that applies to their data, they would not be able to process my request.

Opt out of Nationalpublicdata.com

https://nationalpublicdata.com/optout.html

​Paid Services to the Rescue

As you work through these sites, keep in mind that data brokers re-scrape and republish information every three to six months, so a one-time opt-out doesn’t hold. If this sounds more than you want to tackle on your own, there are paid services that will do it for you. These services continue to monitor your digital footprint and update your opt-outs as needed.

The downside to using a paid service, besides the ongoing monthly cost, is that they can’t remove everything either. Also, ironically, you are trusting another company with your personal data in order to remove it from other companies’ databases.

The main services worth looking into include DeleteMe, Incogni, and Optery.

More About DeleteMe

DeleteMe is a subscription data-removal service that targets data brokers and people-search sites, provides quarterly privacy reports, and offers a standard plan that removes information from 50+ broker sites; its annual pricing is commonly listed at $10.75/month for one person, with family coverage available at higher tiers.

More About Incogni

Incogni is a fully automated data-removal service that contacts 420+ data brokers on your behalf, keeps sending removal requests over time, and offers family plans in addition to individual plans.

More About Optery

Optery combines self-service and automation, with free and paid tiers that scan for exposed data and submit removal requests, while higher plans add broader coverage and proof of removal; current reviews list pricing from a free tier up to $24.99/month, with the Core paid plan starting around $3.25/month on annual billing.

Using Alternative Information

One thing I’ve started doing that helps: I give alternative or outdated information in some situations to protect my true personal contact information. Reward cards at stores are a perfect example – they want my data for marketing, I want the discount. I usually give my old landline phone number in these cases. I also keep a separate email address just for that kind of signup.

Of course, you should always provide accurate information on medical forms, financial accounts, government forms, or anything involving a purchase that requires order confirmation or return information.

I’ve accepted I can’t erase my digital footprint, but I can monitor and limit what’s current by considering whether a site truly needs my information or just wants it for marketing.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever googled yourself? What did you find? Were you surprised at the information that turned up about you?

My oh my, how times have changed! Super-powered by AI technology, romance scams today are ever evolving and even more dangerous than ever. So, it’s always good for online daters to be reminded about the importance of staying safe, and even more valuable, how to do it. How to stop the scammers in their tracks. Once scammers are shut down, online dating becomes a far more enjoyable experience.

Celebrity Imposter Scams

Celebrities have long been at the center of scams created by fraudsters who come up with all kinds of illegal plots to solicit money from fans. They trick people by pretending to be someone they’re not – all to gain access to their money, financial accounts, and personal information.

The imposter scams ask fans to send money in order to collect a prize, donate to a charity, or buy an endorsed product, such as cosmetics, hair care products, and kitchen items. Celebrities may be involved in legitimate causes, but many high-profile celebrities are also victimized by having their identities stolen to commit fraud.

The rise of AI has made it easier for scammers to clone celebrity faces, expressions, and voices. According to McAfee, the online security firm, these so-called deepfake videos have become incredibly common. McAfee has released a list of the top celebrities and influencers targeted by deepfake fraudsters. Taylor Swift sits at the top of the list both in the U.S. and globally. Others on the lists include Scarlett Johansson, Jenna Ortega, Tom Cruise, and Brad Pitt.

Celebrity Romance Scams

Sadly, people looking for love are sometimes victimized by fraudsters looking for money.

In one case, a woman in France lost $850,000 in a scam in which someone claiming to be the actor Brad Pitt engaged in a long-distance relationship with her for a year. Eventually, the scammer told her he needed a kidney transplant. She even received a photo of Pitt in a hospital bed. The photo was a fake as was the scammer’s claim that all his money was tied up in his divorce proceedings with Angelina Jolie.

By then, the woman was so deeply in love with the man whom she thought was Brad Pitt that she cleaned out her bank account and sent the fraudster nearly a million dollars. To date, no one has been arrested in the scam. The real Brad Pitt issued a statement saying it’s awful that scammers take advantage of the strong bond between fans and celebrities. He urged people to never respond to unsolicited online communications.

Other celebrities have also spoken out about scammers using their likenesses. Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, and Tom Hanks have all warned their fans about scams, with Hanks saying, “Do not lose your hard-earned money.”

A Double Whammy

I thought I’d seen it all when it comes to romance scams, but in a recent case a woman accused of being a scammer also claimed to be a victim! Police in North Carolina arrested a woman for allegedly scamming a man out of at least $100,000. The man told police he thought he was investing his money in a company called “Tesla 1.” Police say the woman used the money to purchase cryptocurrency.

But when questioned by police, the woman claimed she was the victim of an online romance scam. She thought she was in a relationship with Tesla founder Elon Musk. She said she agreed to help “Elon Musk” buy cryptocurrency. The woman admitted that she eventually realized she was duped, but police say that didn’t stop her continuing her scam. No one has been arrested for pretending to be Elon Musk.

Over the years, I’ve closely followed the latest news about online dating and romance scams. I also lived it, having online dated on and off for 13 years. I learned many lessons about romance scams as I detected the scammers and tossed them to the curb.

I was lucky, but there are millions of Americans who fall victim to the scammers. New research by AARP shows that nearly one in ten adults 50 or older have fallen for romance scams. Even more alarming, nearly half of those older than 50 aren’t aware of scammers’ tactics. The scams are costly. According to the Federal Trade Commission, romance scams cost victims an average of $2,000, the highest reported loss for any type of imposter scam.

Don’t Be a Victim!

The best way to avoid becoming the victim of a romance scam is to know the red flags. During the years I online dated, I perused hundreds and hundreds of dating profiles. Over time, I became quite proficient in spotting suspicious profiles.

Bad Grammar When Messaging

I would find profiles that were eloquent, clever, and very well written, but when I messaged the person behind the profile I found they could barely string together a sentence. Bad spelling, grammar and punctuation when compared to the profile is a big red flag. If something doesn’t feel right or words don’t add up, block the profile and move on.

Love Bombing

“Love Bombing” is another big red flag. When someone showers you with attention and words of affection it may feel good at first, but beware. Remember, the person on the other end is a stranger. Love bombing is a classic tactic designed to manipulate the victim into trusting the perpetrator, who eventually may ask for money. If someone you’ve never met asks for money, it’s a huge red flag and very possibly a fraud.

Moving Communication Away from Safe Sites

If someone asks you to move off the dating site, that’s a red flag. Whenever I was asked to communicate on another platform I would always decline, and usually the person on the other end would disappear. It was a sure sign that person was a scammer.

Verify Identities

It’s OK to trust someone, but you must also verify. Go slowly, ask questions, and examine photos. You can verify identities through Google Images, TinEye, and several other tools. If you find, for example, that the photo in the profile is the same photo found on a model’s website, that’s a big red flag. Chances are the profile is a fake. Block, delete, and report the profile to the dating site you’re on.

It can be depressing to think that there are so many scammers out there ready to pounce. But once you educate yourself about romance scams, how they work, and what you can do to protect yourself, it can be very empowering. It gives you control over your dating experience. That’s what I found once I learned how to date smart. Dating became fun again and it could be for you too.

Let’s Have a Conversation.

Have you ever been the victim of a romance scam? If so, what happened? Have you ever come across someone you suspected was a scammer? What were the signs?

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Photo: @salleycarson

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Originally posted at: Salley Carson’s Pleated Jeans and Striped World Cup Shirt

There is a version of starting over that looks good on paper. You finally have your freedom. You are discovering yourself. You are building a life that is entirely yours. And some days that is exactly what it feels like.

But there are things nobody tells you. Things that don’t make it into the inspirational posts or the well-meaning advice from friends. I want to talk about those things, because I suspect I am not the only one sitting with them.

You May Be Alone for the Rest of Your Life

This is the thought that arrives quietly, usually at night. Not the abstract idea of loneliness but the specific, physical reality of it. No one there when you are sick. No one in the next room. No one to call at 2am when the fear gets loud. Most of us spent decades with another person close by, and we didn’t fully understand what that meant until it was gone.

I am not saying this to be bleak. I am saying it because it is real, and pretending it isn’t doesn’t help anyone.

The Things That Delight You Are Sometimes the Same Things That Scare You

The silence that feels like peace on Monday feels like too much on Wednesday. The freedom to do whatever you want without considering anyone else is exhilarating on Tuesday and isolating on Thursday. Nobody warns you that it is the exact same thing wearing two different faces depending on the day, depending on your mood, depending on whether the sun came out.

You feel so alive one moment and completely uncomfortable the next. Sometimes within the same hour. That is not a sign that something is wrong. That is just what this looks like from the inside.

The Deep Work of Finding Yourself Is Both Wonderful and Sad

There is something genuinely beautiful about getting to know who you are outside of the roles you played for so long. Wife. Caretaker. The person who kept everything running. Peeling those back and finding out what is underneath is real and meaningful work.

And it is also sometimes sad in a way that is hard to explain. Not because you want to go back. But because becoming yourself this late in life means acknowledging how long you weren’t fully living as yourself. Both things are true at the same time.

You Will Feel Jealous of Friends Who Still Have Their Spouse

Even when they complain about them. Maybe especially when they complain about them. You will sit across from a friend who is frustrated with her husband over something small and feel a pang of something you are not proud of. Not because you want her life. But because you remember what it felt like to have someone there, even imperfectly, even on the hard days.

You are allowed to feel that. It doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It just means you are human.

The Holiday Table Will Break Your Heart a Little

When you are invited to share a meal with a friend’s family, you will feel grateful. Genuinely, deeply grateful not to be alone. And underneath that gratitude will be a quieter feeling. A missing of your old pattern, your old table, the life that used to gather around you even when it wasn’t working. Even though that pattern is exactly what you left behind. Even though leaving it is why you are here.

And then you will drive home and walk into your quiet house and feel something unexpected. Relief. The silence will wrap around you and feel like yours again. The very thing that scared you an hour ago will feel like home.

That is how confusing this is. And nobody tells you that either.

Starting over in your 60s is not one feeling. It is all of them, often on the same day, sometimes in the same hour. The freedom and the fear. The aliveness and the ache. The gratitude and the grief. Learning to hold all of it without needing to resolve it into something simpler is, I think, the real work of this chapter.

You are not doing it wrong. It is just this complicated. And you are not alone in that.

Also read, Listen. Pause. Act. Finding Your Way Through Life’s Transitions.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does your solo journey look like? Has it been exciting? Lonely? Confusing? Complicated?