Everyone loves a good romantic Love Story. And why not? They fill your heart with hope as you dream about your very own Prince Charming sweeping you off your feet to live happily ever after in total bliss.
You’re Looking to Movies for Guidance
These types of stories make you momentarily feel good, but they aren’t reality. And when you use Hollywood movies as your basis of how falling in love should look, well, what you’re doing is setting yourself up for total frustration and failure at finding Mr. Right in real life.
Fairy tale romances filled with handsome heroes (who, by the way, have makeup artists fixing them up all day long) keep you from seeing a good man who might be “only average” in the looks department.
Yet, he could be the real hero who is there for you at the end of the day with a glass of wine, who has your back when things are great and not so great, and loves you just the way you are. This is the real Prince Charming you want to be looking for!
You’re Looking to Decide Based on Chemistry
I’ve found most women are not clear on the type of man and relationship they want. I know this sounds obvious, but I ask women daily what they are looking for and they often tell me they aren’t sure, or they’ll know him when they meet him.
This usually means using chemistry or instant attraction as the barometer for a quality man. It’s not.
It just means the bonding hormone, oxytocin, is being released when you meet. And the problem with that is, chemistry tricks you and makes you think you can trust a man when, in reality, he might not be so trustable.
Instead of using chemistry to decide if he’s a good match, do what my clients do. Create a clear vision of your man based on shared values, deal breakers that are non-negotiable, patterns of men you’ve always been attracted to that don’t work, qualities you want, and how you want to feel around him.
Then put it all in writing. When you have a clear vision of the right man, it’s like putting a shout out to the Universe that this is who you want.
Oh, and another benefit of having a clear vision of the right man for you is that you’ll be able to see him because now you’re open to the possibilities of who you can share your life with.
You’re Only Looking Online
Most women rely solely on dating sites to meet men. Then, when the dating sites wane, which is normal, they give up and start thinking no one is out there for them.
When this type of mindset invades your thinking, it usually leads to giving up on your dream of being in a great relationship again.
To keep this from happening, you’ll want to create what I call a Dating Blueprint that includes four ways to meet men:
- Online dating
- Meeting men in real life
- Matchmakers (Without a clear vision of the right man for you, matchmakers can be just as frustrating as Online Dating because you can’t see the possibilities.)
- Asking friends to fix you up
You’ll want to be using at least two avenues for meeting men at all times.
You’re Prejudiced About Men
The next reason I will give you is a huge set up for failing at finding love. It’s the limiting beliefs you may be telling yourself about who men are. Some of the most common ones I hear are:
- All the men online look too old, like my grandpa or father.
- There are no good men to date after 50. They’re all taken.
- Men my age aren’t as active as I am.
- Men only want to date younger women. (SO NOT TRUE!)
Do any of these sound familiar? If so, they are blocking you from finding love with a good man. The reason you might put limiting beliefs in place is to protect your heart from getting hurt again. But instead of protecting you, they hurt you because they keep you from making your dreams come true.
Byron Katie has a great exercise for recognizing your limiting beliefs and for turning them around.
You Want to Know Too Much Right Away
So many women show up on a date with what I call the Dating Resume Questions. These are questions like:
- What do you do?
- How many kids do you have?
- Why did you get divorced?
These questions are about trying to figure out if he’s The One before you’ve finished your coffee. Give men a chance and instead of drilling them, be laid back and try to find out something new and interesting about them.
You can do this by asking fun questions, like the ones below, that give you good information about a man without grilling him:
- What’s on your bucket list? (This gives you a sneak peek into who he is and what makes him tick.)
- What do you love about what you do for a living? (Far more interesting way to say, “What do you do?”)
- What’s your ideal vacation? (Great one for checking out compatibility.)
Questions like these make you laugh and bring out history you might have shared. They also make dating a lot more fun!
Have you found your Mr. Right? How long did it take? Where did you look? What did you know about him before your first date? Why did you choose him? Please share your thoughts with our community!