As an online dating coach, I work with people from different backgrounds, cultures, ages (20s to 70s) with numerous dating goals – perhaps newly widowed, divorced, transplanted across the country and more.
But no matter what your age and ethnicity, the same items resonate!
Your Premiere Photo
Whether on OkCupid, Match or Date My Age, your photo is the very first, eye-catching presentation you make – and yes, it makes, or breaks you. The photo should be high resolution, and you should not be looking straight into the camera. After all, this is not a resume shot!
Princess Di perfected the head tilt and that can be a beautiful look for some ladies. Doing something unique works too – one client was cuddling a koala bear and that stopped many men in their tracks!
Profile – Go for It!
Many smart people need help with their online dating profiles as it can be difficult to write about yourself. Some sites allow only 300 characters (so you can’t waste a single one!), and some allow a full bio (no, not a novel). In both situations, come out of the gate fast as some apps only show the first two lines.
If you go with something like:
“Love to travel and hike. Live music and theatre…”
No matter how true those words, they have become cliché, and will drive interest away from the rest of you.
A better approach would be:
“Sardinia, Sicily, Capri or Bust this summer! Vaccinated. Sole fell off my old hiking boots so breaking in a new…”
The vibe in this profile is strong and will create further interest.
Now, if you’re on a site like Match.com that allows a long bio, novellas don’t work – mystery does. So, write 3–4 paragraphs of no more than 3–4 sentences each. Three about you, one about what you are looking for. Nothing generic!
Why am I even broaching the topic on negativity? Because I’ve seen the profiles people write when they don’t really know what they’re doing.
Here’s a real beginning of an online profile from a pretty, 57-year-old personal trainer:
“Let me just be direct, no one fat or overweight. Must workout 4-5x a week as I’m in great shape.”
Yes, she went straight to the point, but in a way that will push candidates away. That is not what she wanted, so I urged her to go in a different direction and highlight her plusses and expectations. The outcome (with help) was:
“Healthy is my middle name! I’ve been in the fitness business for 25+ years and love working out, yoga and also am a licensed nutritional counselor. Looking for a partner who likes athletic endeavors, I’m up for trying anything!”
Yay, you’ve gotten replies – now what to do? Don’t rush! Set those replies aside for a day. You want to look for the type of person you want to meet, and yes, he may be in the first pile of replies, but chances are slim.
Plus, many of these initial responses will be something like “Hi, what’s up” or “Hi, your eyes are pretty.” Chances are, these candidates didn’t really read your profile.
Instead, start your own search by using the site’s/app’s tools, such as age parameters, height, distance from you, religion or other items that may be important to you.
Why am I saying this? While you have told this site/app your parameters, they have crazy algorithms that will send you men 20 years younger, 200 miles away. For success, you don’t wait on the app to suggest people to you – you are proactive, strategic and take control of the app. A good dating coach can walk you through these steps.
You’ve found three, or four – or even five! – interesting candidates for you. What do you say? Well, for starters, it’s up to you to reach out.
A simple text can go a long way if properly composed. Something like this:
“Hi Mark, Loved the photo of you jet skiing. I’m a water person – swimming laps in open water is my thing. Do you have exciting plans for the weekend? Warmly, Lara”
- Personalized by using his name;
- Showed we read/looked at his profile;
- Gave a little info on you;
- Closed with a question (to elicit a response);
- Warmly, Lara – just an extra touch!
Approached the positive, strategic way, online dating can be such an adventure and full of great stories! Two good friends decided to become my clients at 33000Dates at the same time. One found a great man on her first date on Match. Her friend went through 9 dates on Match, came up empty (but lots of fun stories) and is now dating someone she met on Hinge.
Ladies, it only takes one, and I know there’s a lid for every pot!
What is the most difficult thing for you when it comes to online dating profiles? What did you first try look/read like? Where did you learn to tune in your profile and make it more interesting for potential candidates? Do you have funny stories to share from your online dating experience? We’d love to hear them!