Author: Admin01

The Rearview Mirror is a series born from age, clarity, and the courage to finally say the quiet parts out loud. It’s about looking back not to reopen old wounds, but to understand them – and in this particular installment the feelings that return every December. It’s about revisiting the seasons, the rituals, and the moments that shaped us.

Read the first installment in this series here:

Rearview Mirror: Looking Back and Seeing Clearly – The Agency That Shined Bright and Cast Long Shadows

The Rearview Mirror: Revisiting December

I have been waiting to write this. I think I have been avoiding the inevitable roller coaster of emotions I experience every December since 1992. That was the year my beloved mother passed – December 10, to be exact. I have written about this many times through blogs and articles, yet each year brings its own mix of reflection, nostalgia, and grief.

December 1992 marked a personal awakening for me. I had heard of it vaguely as a very young woman, but that year I experienced it firsthand. I remember my mother feeling a bit sad at this time of year, especially on Christmas Eve. One year, I asked her why the tears? There were boundless presents under the tree, the smell of fresh-baked goods filled the air, and tomorrow would bring friends and family to the dinner table.

She explained that while she experienced tremendous joy at Christmas, she also felt a profound sadness. She missed her parents, especially her mom, and nothing could ever fill that void. The pain was organic – a truth we all eventually experience as we journey through life.

We All Have Expectations

For me, the holiday season is now a mixed bag of emotions and always will be, as I am sure it is for many of you. The expectations the season imposes can be hard to navigate. Every year is different. Social and professional obligations force fun onto us. We are expected to put on a happy face when it may be the last thing we want to do. We often spend more than we should, not on special indulgences, but to meet social expectations, doing the “right thing” at any cost.

For some, the holiday season also carries professional and financial anxiety. When I worked in corporate America, December often brought trepidation, as layoffs, performance reviews, and lack of bonuses became increasingly common. I was laid off from a job I had held for over 10 years at this time of year, an experience that remains with me to this day. I have many friends still navigating the corporate grind with fear, and I feel their anticipated pain each December. The Holidays can be a reminder of the unpredictability and fragility of our lives and careers.

Many Carry Pain

For many, the holiday season sadly has never been a purely happy or nostalgic place, but rather a painful flashback – a time to relive what some would rather forget. Not every childhood was idyllic; not every tree (if there even was one) presided proudly over colorfully wrapped packages; not everyone had a meal to eat, and not everyone felt loved. It is a reality of the season and a reflection of everyday life. Unfortunately, it is part of the human condition, a result of living in a world where fairness and opportunity are often illusions for many.

A Tradition We Have Forgotten

One tradition that speaks to the passing of time is the sending of Christmas cards. My mother, deeply religious, always sat down on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception – December 8 – to write her Christmas cards. There were stacks of them, and many went beyond a simple salutation and “Merry Christmas.”

She wrote personal messages to so many of her friends and relatives, taking her time, without hesitation. It was an almost sacred ritual. Back then, if you did not hear from someone at Christmas time, it often meant there had been a loss in their family that year – an unspoken acknowledgment of grief. I no longer send out cards, opting instead for electronic wishes, and over the years, the circle of relatives and friends has shrunk with each passing season.

Collective Sense of the Holidays

There was also something magical about watching holiday classics on one channel at one time. Families across the country tuned in together – there was no streaming or on-demand. Everyone watched A Charlie Brown Christmas at the same moment, sharing the same moments of laughter and reflection, creating a collective sense of holiday presence that is hard to replicate today.

And of course, the food was amazing – how could it not be? My father was Italian, and we all know how amazing Italian food is, and my mother being of Armenian descent the food was different but equally amazing.

Every year my mother would take me on the train to NYC to see the Radio City Christmas show, visit dad at his office, shop at the Armenian food store and visit St. Patrick’s Cathedral and St. Vartan Armenian Apostolic Cathedral. My mother would always take a small piece of straw from the nativity scene and tuck it into her purse to keep throughout the year. I, of course, started to do the same.

Today, it is even harder to live up to holiday happiness expectations. Social media floods our feeds with “perfect” families, HGTV homes, and abundance on steroids. Intellectually, we know about IG filters and orchestrated FB posts, yet it is hard not to let some of it in. After all, we are only human.

The Clear Rear View

As we grow older, and with more holiday seasons behind us than ahead, the rearview mirror offers a clear view of what we have gained, what we have lost, and how much the world has changed. Nostalgia is inevitable. I remember a world without cell phones or the Internet, when letters arrived with excitement, landline calls required patience, and the anticipation of a visit or a card was magical.

Today, our porches are often flooded with Amazon boxes, a far cry from the anticipation of carefully chosen gifts arriving by hand or mail. Decorations were imaginative, not curated for Pinterest or Instagram. Family gatherings took effort, and the slow pace brought a kind of magic that is harder to find today.

Even amid these changes, the rearview mirror reminds us of continuity. The essence of the season remains: reflection, gratitude, and connection. For some, it is also a spiritual reminder of birth, renewal, and hope. The holidays invite us to embrace both joy and sorrow simultaneously, honoring what has been lost while celebrating what remains.

Some Gains, Some Losses

This year, for me, carries another new layer. As I wrote in my recent piece When Faith Falters, my belief in a higher power has been hit with a blow in ways I never expected. This Christmas will undoubtedly mirror some of that loss. But I sincerely hope the new year will help me find my way back to believing again.

It is not my intent to depress, but to validate your feelings and open the door to all emotions. Above all, this is a time to be kind to yourself and practice self-care. In my work as a life coach, I see firsthand how deeply this season can weigh on people. Many of my clients carry quiet pain, unresolved grief, or complicated memories as the Holidays approach – reminders that none of us are alone in our struggles. Please take comfort in that.

As this December unfolds, let us view this time through a new lens. Yes, it is a time to look ahead, but with realistic expectations. Be gentle with yourself. Handle what you can, change what you want, and accept what you cannot. Do not compare. Embrace your imperfections. Love who you are. Enjoy the time you were gifted. And each day, carve out your living legacy – even as the rearview mirror gently reminds you of the Holidays that have passed.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do the Holidays mean to you? Are there more losses or more gains to count this year?

As this year comes to a close and the festive period is fully upon us, there may be mixed feelings about the 12 months we’re leaving behind.

Some people will look back feeling proud, grateful, and full of joy. Others may be carrying heartache, loneliness, overwhelm, or grief. For some, Christmas brings connection and warmth. For others, it brings pressure, memories, or a quiet dread they don’t always feel able to name.

And if you’re somewhere in between, that’s okay too.

Christmas has a way of amplifying whatever is already there. The emotions, the tiredness, the expectations, the sense that everything should feel a certain way.

If this time of year feels harder than you expected, there’s nothing wrong with that… or you. It happens to many of us. Including me.

A Lot Has Changed for Me Over the Last Few Years

When I look back now, I can see how much has shifted. Not all at once, but gradually, over time. My career path, my outlook, my direction and happiness, have all changed for the better.

But that doesn’t mean the journey here has been easy or that this time of year doesn’t still stir things up.

Back then, I knew I wanted more from life, but I couldn’t put my finger on what wasn’t working. On paper, everything looked dreamy. I was working for a great coaching company, surrounded by good people. Yet, after a while, inside, something felt off.

My energy slowly drained. I didn’t notice it happening at first. I just kept ploughing through. Until one day I realised I was waking up exhausted, unmotivated, and disconnected from myself. I was at a crossroads in my life and most certainly felt “lost.”

Our Surroundings Can Give Us a 180

When my planned trip to South America finally came around, it couldn’t have been better timed. Stepping into a completely different environment changed something in me. I felt lighter. More alive. More myself.

That experience taught me something important: how deeply our surroundings affect how we think, feel, and cope.

Christmas, in its own way, is also an environment shift and not always a gentle one.

For some, it’s full of family, noise, and responsibility. For others, it highlights absence, loss, or the feeling of not quite fitting anywhere.

As a single woman with no children, Christmas can sometimes feel disorientating. Friends and family have their own routines, partners, and plans. No one is doing anything wrong. It’s just life… but it can still feel isolating.

And at the same time, I know parents who feel overwhelmed, stretched thin, and quietly wish they could swap places for a moment of peace.

The Grass Really Is Always Greener

This is my fifth Christmas without my mum. It’s only since losing her that I’ve started to understand how Christmas might have felt for her once we were grown. As children, Christmas was magical. Full of music, laughter, traditions, and togetherness.

Now, those memories come with warmth and sadness all at once.

I’ve also noticed that December is often when my body finally slows me down. After months of pushing through, my energy dips, my immune system crashes, and I’m forced to stop. Perhaps that’s my body’s way of asking me to process what I’ve been too busy to feel.

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone…

And you don’t need to fix it.

A Time for Gentleness

This isn’t a time for forcing positivity or pushing through at all costs. This is a time for gentleness. For noticing what’s really going on beneath the surface.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tired, sad, lonely, or emotionally flat, here are a few gentle ways to help yourself feel just 1% better, not perfect, not joyful, just steadier.

1. Notice What You’re Really Feeling

Sometimes overwhelm shows up as exhaustion. Sometimes sadness shows up as irritability. Sometimes loneliness hides behind busyness.

Ask yourself:

• What am I actually feeling right now?
• Where do I feel it in my body?
• What might this feeling be trying to tell me?

There’s no need to judge or rush this. Awareness alone can soften things.

2. Ask What Would Help, Even a Little

Once you’ve named what’s going on, ask:

What would help me feel 1% better today?

It might be:

• Doing less
• Saying no
• Leaving early
• Having a quiet moment to yourself
• Lowering your expectations

When other people are involved, you can’t control their behaviour, but you can choose how you respond. Give yourself permission to protect your energy where you can.

3. Respond Kindly to What You Need

• If your body needs rest, let it rest.
• If you need space, take it.
• If you need connection, reach out, even in a small way.

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to justify your feelings. And you don’t have to make this season look a certain way.

Whatever this Christmas looks like for you, please remember this:

You are allowed to feel how you feel. You are allowed to slow down. You are allowed to put yourself first sometimes.

You can’t keep giving without refilling your own stocking.

So, if this year took more than it gave, let this be a time to pause rather than push.

Wherever you find yourself this Christmas, I hope you make space for what you need most.

Merry Christmas and I’ll see you in the new year.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you glad 2025 is nearly over? Are you looking forward to a new beginning? What are you eager to leave behind?

Photo: @bravowwhl

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Originally posted at: Brooks Nadar’s CD Strap Dress on WWHL

Most women over 60 grew up with music that filled an entire house – vinyl spinning in the living room, radios humming in the kitchen, and songs you could feel in your chest. Today, technology has taken another step forward with something called 8D music. The name may sound technical, but the experience is simple, soothing, and surprisingly helpful for women in the second half of life.

As a songwriter, I’ve also found that 8D music opens me up creatively. Writer’s block used to hit me from time to time. Since listening to 8D, my ideas flow more naturally. The stories show up on their own and turning them into lyrics feels easier than ever.

If you’re looking for new ways to relax, reduce stress, or enjoy a few quiet minutes of calm during the day, 8D music is worth trying. When I listen to it, I often repeat a short mantra I came up with: “Open up the right side of my brain and let the creativity flow.” It keeps me centered and helps clear my mind.

What Is 8D Music, in Simple Terms?

8D music isn’t complicated at all. It’s regular music that has been mixed in a way that makes the sound feel like it’s moving around your head instead of coming from one direction. With headphones on, it creates a gentle, floating sensation – as if the music is circling softly and wrapping around you.

Many listeners describe 8D music as calming, soothing, emotionally grounding, and uplifting. And the only thing you need is a pair of headphones.

YouTube – 8D Audio Example

Why 8D Music Connects So Well with Women Over 60

Women in this age group carry decades of experience, strength, and responsibility. Many are still balancing family, health changes, and full schedules. 8D music offers something rare – a peaceful moment that requires no effort at all.

Deep Relaxation Without the Pressure of Meditation

Not everyone enjoys traditional meditation. Some find it stressful to “quiet the mind.” With 8D music, there’s nothing to do. Just listen. I use it for a few minutes a day, and it sets the tone for my entire morning.

Stress and Anxiety Relief

The gentle movement of sound naturally relaxes the brain. Breathing slows, tension eases, and the body settles within minutes.

Better Focus for Reading and Creative Hobbies

Many women enjoy activities like knitting, journaling, crafting, or reading. 8D music creates a soft background sensation that helps the mind stay present without distraction.

Emotional Release and Mood Support

Music already connects deeply with memory and emotion. 8D music enhances that connection in a gentle, comforting way, often leaving listeners feeling lighter and more open.

A Sense of Presence and Mindfulness

8D music helps bring attention back to the moment – a welcome pause in a busy world.

How to Try 8D Music at Home

Put on comfortable headphones, sit somewhere quiet, play an 8D track, and close your eyes for three minutes. Most people know right away whether it resonates.

Final Thoughts

8D music is an easy, enjoyable way to bring calm, focus, and emotional balance into daily life. At this stage – rich with wisdom and reinvention – a simple tool that restores peace is worth exploring.

I hope 8D music brings you the same sense of renewal it has brought me.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you tried 8D music? If you haven’t, please give it a go, and let us know how you would describe the experience.

They don’t tell you about this part of motherhood in the parenting books.

They don’t prepare you for the Christmas when your adult child doesn’t call. When the addiction has its hooks in so deep you don’t recognize them anymore. When mental illness has created a wall you can’t break through. When estrangement has turned your family gathering into a gaping absence that everyone pretends not to notice.

At 60-something, I thought I’d be in the grandmother-glory years by now. I thought Christmas would mean a full table, grandchildren, and the sweet satisfaction of watching my children become parents themselves.

Instead, I’m navigating a kind of grief that has no funeral, no casserole brigade, no clear path forward.

If that’s you too, I want to say: I see you. And I want to offer you something more valuable than false cheer – I want to offer you genuine hope.

The Particular Pain of the Christmas Season

There’s something about Christmas that amplifies the absence. Every carol, every Hallmark movie, every social media post seems designed to highlight what you don’t have. The cultural narrative screams “family togetherness,” and when your family is fractured, it can feel like personal failure.

It’s not.

Adult children make their own choices – some wise, some destructive, some that break our hearts into a million pieces. We can do everything “right” and still watch them struggle, suffer, or pull away. That’s not a reflection of your worth as a mother. It’s a reflection of the complexity of human free will and the brokenness of this world.

Things Are Hard Now, But They Won’t Always Be

I’m clinging to this truth: the current reality is not the permanent reality.

I’ve lived long enough to see impossible situations shift. I’ve watched prodigals come home. I’ve witnessed reconciliations that seemed beyond hope. I’ve seen people emerge from addiction, find treatment for mental illness, and soften hearts that seemed permanently hardened.

Not always. Not on our timeline. But often enough to know that God is still in the business of restoration.

Your situation feels impossible right now. I believe you. But impossible is exactly where God does His best work.

People CAN Change – Including Us

Here’s something that’s been convicting me lately: if I believe people can change, I have to include myself in that equation.

Maybe the change needed isn’t in my child – or not only in my child. Maybe I need to change how I respond, how I pray, how I hold hope, how I protect my own peace while staying open to reconciliation.

Maybe I need to change my expectations about what this season “should” look like and find ways to honor what is, without giving up on what could be.

Change is possible. For them. For us. For the relationship.

Reconciliation: God’s Specialty

Here’s what I’m learning to rest in: reconciliation is God’s work, not mine.

I can’t force healing. I can’t manufacture transformation. I can’t love hard enough or pray eloquently enough or manage the situation carefully enough to make everything right.

But God can. And He’s far more invested in my child’s wellbeing than I am – which is saying something, because I’d lay down my life for them in a heartbeat.

So I’m learning to pray different prayers. Not “God, change them,” but “God, do what only You can do. Work in ways I can’t see. Prepare both of us for reconciliation. Give me patience. Give me wisdom. Give me peace that doesn’t make sense given the circumstances.”

And then I’m learning to trust. To wait. To believe.

Never Abandon Hope; Always Seek Joy

This is my Christmas message to you, dear friend: don’t abandon hope.

Hope doesn’t require evidence. It doesn’t demand proof. It simply believes that God is good, that love matters, and that the story isn’t finished.

And while you’re hoping, actively seek out joy. Real joy, not performance joy. Find it in small moments: a meaningful conversation with a friend who understands, a beautiful sunset, a piece of music that moves you, a memory that makes you smile instead of cry.

Joy and grief aren’t mutually exclusive. You can hold both. You can ache for what isn’t while also appreciating what is.

This Season, This Suffering, This Hope

This Christmas might hurt. That’s okay. Feel it. Grieve it. Don’t pretend it away.

But also, believe. Believe that change is possible. Believe that God sees you and your child. Believe that love is stronger than hurt and hope is more powerful than despair.

Things are hard now. They won’t always be this hard.

Hold on to hope. Keep seeking joy. Trust the God who specializes in the impossible.

You’re not alone in this.

I warmly invite you to connect at www.realmomlife.com.

Let’s Discuss:

Is this Christmas hard for you? Would it help to share your story? A burden shared can lighten all loads.