Author: Admin01

Last week, I attended a reading in my hometown by author and intuitive Laura Lynne Jackson, who is on tour for her latest book, Guided: The Secret Path to an Illuminated Life. I was introduced to her via her former book, Signs. In fact, that book inspired me to write my last memoir, Hummingbird: Messages from My Ancestors, a book about a hummingbird that visited me outside my writing studio during the pandemic.

That bird, I came to believe, was my grandmother who died more than six decades ago. The hummingbird and I had regular conversations where I asked her questions and received her answers. After our conversations, I expressed my gratitude for my grandmother’s time and wisdom.

Abundant Gratitude

Jackson’s talk was very illuminating; in addition to her aura, which radiated so much love, she was also full of gratitude for absolutely everything in her life. Once again, I realized how having gratitude can affect every aspect of our lives.

Jackson shared several insights which resonated with me. The one I would like to share is how every morning she wakes up – before she even gets out of bed – and gives thanks for two things she appreciates in her life. I thought this was such a wonderful practice and original idea. While over the years I have heard and shared many gratitude practices, such as my favorite, journaling, I thought that this new practice can fit into any morning routine, even if you are getting ready to rush out the door.

One can express gratitude through verbal communication, letters or gestures. Sometimes a simple “thank you” can make all the difference and it does not take too much time or effort. I recently began taking mahjongg lessons, and it is a game of rituals. It is customary to wish others good luck before the game begins. I found that just responding by saying, “thank you,” makes me feel good.

Gratitude Heals

Another important, and often uncommon, aspect of expressing gratitude is that it can improve your physical and mental health. Studies have shown that it can also help combat depression. Losing loved ones over the holiday season is more common than we would like to believe. Studies have shown that losing a loved one can make us feel as if life is even more precious and fragile. One study done in The Journal of Positive Psychology in 2011 found traumatic events such as the loss of a loved one or near-death experiences can increase feelings of gratitude.

Certainly, this does not apply to everyone, but through my experience I have come to believe this to be true. For example, when my father died in 1991, I was barely 40 years old. We had a close relationship and losing him was like losing a part of myself. After he died, and still, decades later, I feel a huge sense of gratitude for having had all the time I did with him. I am grateful for all the memories we created together. My gratitude deepens when I remember that many women do not share the same positive experiences with their fathers.

Gratitude in Times of Grief

When grieving, people often struggle for ways to manage their grief or find comfort. At those times, gratitude can be a powerful focus as you highlight all the good memories of or with the person. Consider reflecting on the person’s life and their legacy. You might also consider sharing stories with others, expressing gratitude for having had the person in your life.

This is one of the many reasons why funerals and celebrations of life are such an important part of the healing process. Perhaps this is the reason I’ve had so much trouble dealing with the loss of my grandmother. Because I was only 10 years old, my parents did not allow me to attend the funeral. I did not process until much later in life, when I became a grandmother myself.

My Questions to You:

What are you grateful for this season? Have you experienced loss recently? How do grief and gratitude come together for you?

FYI, he’s way richer than 007.

When I was a teenager, we had an enormous pinecone wreath in our dining room. It started out as Christmas décor, full of ornaments and ribbon, but it never came down. Storage was at a premium, and the wreath was pretty fragile. Besides, my mother loved it and how it made the room feel cozy. It complemented the wood-paneled walls and 1970s vibe, so it stayed up year-round.

Instead of packing it away, Mom gave the wreath a creative refresh for every holiday or season. Pink and red hearts for Valentine’s Day. Faux flowers, pastel eggs, and bunnies in spring. Mini pumpkins and scarecrows in the fall. It was one wreath with many moods.

One day, a friend came over, and she kind of mocked it: “Why do you still have a Christmas wreath up?” she laughed. It annoyed me and, without missing a beat, I replied, “What do you mean? That’s the eternal wreath!” I said it to shut her down – and she even apologized for her “mistake.” But the idea stuck. Over time, that wreath became something more than a seasonal decoration; it became something we enjoyed on our terms, not the calendar’s.

If It Makes You Happy

These days, I see my mom’s spirit in how I decorate. I wasn’t ready to put my Bella Lux witch away last month, so she’s still on her bookcase perch in the living room, now wearing a construction paper pilgrim hat and making me smile. (I also see a Santa hat in her future!) My whimsical pumpkins that don’t overtly scream Halloween hang around long past October 31, too.

And I know I’m not alone. I have friends who decorate for Christmas well before Thanksgiving. I’ve had years when I didn’t decorate at all because it felt like pressure rather than pleasure. Some people put their trees up in August. Some keep a small tree or wreath up all year, adapting it for each season. Others swap out garden flags or interchangeable décor pieces that evolve with the holiday.

None of this is “wrong.” It’s simply honoring what feels right.

When Life Changes, So Do Our Traditions

As women in our 60s and beyond, many of us have stopped following rules that never served us in the first place. We know bliss doesn’t come in tidy, labeled boxes with expiration dates. We mix old and new traditions. We decorate slowly, spontaneously, and sometimes not at all. And if we leave things up longer, it’s because we’ve given ourselves permission to let joy linger.

It’s not laziness, disorganization, or being overly sentimental, and we don’t need to ask anyone whether something we want to do is “seasonally appropriate.”

The Nudge You Need

If you’ve ever hesitated because something felt “too early,” “too late,” or “not the right holiday yet,” consider this your permission to decorate based on delight – or skip it entirely. You might try:

• keeping one decorative piece out year-round and giving it seasonal updates.
• choosing versatile décor like wreaths, trees, lanterns, or ribbon that can shift with the seasons.
• skipping decorating when life feels heavy because your peace matters more than presentation.

Happiness doesn’t have a start date, and joy doesn’t end on January 2. Whether we fill our homes with sparkle or leave the bins untouched, the freedom to choose is always in season – just like the eternal wreath.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you decorate seasonally, keep favorite pieces out year-round, or skip decorating altogether? Have your traditions changed over time? What brings you joy when it comes to making your home feel like you? Share your thoughts and experiences with our community.

I’m going to start with a simple question: “Is the world changing?” Yes, it is, especially when it comes to family. Family was an intricate part of our lives up until the early 1970s. The years beyond the 1970s took us from the “nuclear family” structure into diverse paradigms. This was influenced by social and economic changes, including the feminist and civil rights movements, rising divorce rates, and an increase in single-parent households and dual-income families. 

Meanwhile, diverse family structures became more common, with more single-parent households and the rise of blended families due to higher remarriage rates. Economic factors also contributed, with more women entering the workforce out of necessity, leading to greater blurring of traditional gender roles in some families. 

How Did It Affect Me? 

This change of social constructs had a direct impact on how I raised my sons as a single parent. 

There was a time in my life when I was following the social norm of the world. As I look back at that time in my life, I realize that I was just like others today, following what we as Christians call worldly ways.

When my eldest son turned 20 years of age, I sent him on his way. Why? Because everyone said I should. I am not pleased with myself as I look back on that decision. He struggled and had a hard time with it. But he made it by the grace of God.

If I could go back and rewrite that page, I would never send him out of the house. Instead, I would give him a fighting chance.

That is why my youngest son lives at home. I am a more mature Christian woman than I was when raising those young boys alone years ago. I no longer live my life according to the world’s standards. 

The current social and economic climate is dismal at best. People are unable to afford mortgage, rent, insurance, car payments, etc. Jobs are scarce and housing is almost nonexistent. The number of unhoused people of all ages is increasing; many are turning to drugs and alcohol in despair.

In this situation, offering my son to stay at home has helped us both, and I’m happy I made that decision.

What About Self-Interest?

For years, we were more interested in sending our children out the door when they turned 18. Why? Because the social norm said that was what we should do. The social norm says, “It’s time for me to have my she cave or man cave” or “I’m turning your bedroom into an entertainment room.”

There is nothing wrong with having aspirations for self. I am not saying my way is the only way. I’m saying here is a loving alternative. Here are some steps to get you started: 

1. Not all parent-child relationships are black and white. Sometimes living in the same space is impossible. If that’s not your situation, consider how your adult child is living. Are they able to meet basic needs? 
2. How about self-evaluation? Evaluate yourself as a person and/or parent. How did you do through the years? There is always room to grow. Which areas could you improve?
3. Ask hard questions in your self-evaluation. What did you do wrong? Have you confessed this to your adult child and sought forgiveness?
4. Here is a tough one. Ask your children to evaluate you as a parent. Ask for honesty. I know this is going to be very hard, but keep on keeping on. 

When Adult Children Live at Home

I don’t care about trendy advice like making my son pay bills, buy his own food, or tit for tat. All I wish for him is to love the Lord Jesus Christ abundantly, and I know all else will fall in place. 

I am happy to say that my youngest son, who is living at home, has been a light to my darkness. He shines in every area of my life. He makes sure I’m protected and folks aren’t trying to take advantage of me. He makes sure I am moving and grooving.

There was a time in my life that I wanted to remarry. But as time went on, I changed my mind. The Lord has blessed me with sons. They will protect their mom and take care of me as I begin to age and need a little assistance. My eldest son contacts me almost daily. He is a light to my darkness as well though he lives far from me. I am grateful that he is happy to talk with me and calls me. 

We are a family, and we help each other as needed. Through the grace of the Lord Jesus, I’ve come to realize that family connection should be honored and cherished, and that’s exactly what my sons and I have been doing.

Reflection Questions:

What are your thoughts about adult children living at home? Tell the community about your journey.

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Originally posted at: Heather Gay’s Pink Sweater