Have you received more requests lately because you have retired, or work from home? People often think that since you are not going in to a 9 to 5 job, you are available to meet their needs.

Have you been asked to make grocery and doctor trips, join committees or babysit? Have you had requests to serve volunteer hours and run errands? You do have more flexibility and with that you need to have tools to manage your time. One of the best tools is knowing how and when to say “No.”

Say ‘No’ with an Assertive Tone

Have you ever just sat, watched and listened to conversations? Oftentimes you will hear requests from one party to another, and, if a male is included, he will easily reply with a “No.” Women tend to have a little bit more of an issue with that word.

I believe that many of us feel it’s our job to over-help, over-do and over-extend! The reality is that’s not our job!

We need good assertive sentences and the right tone of voice to say ‘No’ and have it heard positively. And remember, you can sabotage yourself unwittingly if your body language does not match your tone of voice.

So where do you start? Understand that saying ‘No’ to others can mean saying ‘Yes’ to yourself and yours!

It’s all a break down in assumption and communication. Clearly, the ball is in your court to fix this issue. Start with always assuming the best in people. They just didn’t know you are busy.

Decide for Yourself

Ask yourself these questions when confronted by someone wanting a yes from you:

1. Will it advance my life or the lives of others?
2. Is it in alignment with my integrity?
3. Can I live with the consequences of saying ‘No’ to this person?
4. Does this person have my best interests at heart, in no way abusing this opportunity?

Sample No’s

Then, if you are ready to say ‘no,’ take three deep belly breaths to lower your voice and add strength to your response. Make sure you stand upright and are ‘rooted.’ There are creative ways to still support, without sacrificing yourself. Here are 4 responses you can make:

• No, I can’t do that errand (take you to the doctor, or babysit, or whatever) on Thursday. I leave half a day a week for that, so I can help you on _______.
• No, I don’t want to host Christmas. I’m open to hosting Easter, however. That will work for you, won’t it?
• No, I have served actively with this group, and I believe it’s best to grow new members. Have you thought about asking Julie to hold that position? I know she’d be great!
• No, I can’t sit and sell at the church garage sale. I am happy to either bake and donate (or feed) or write a donation check.

Reverse the Tables?

Now expect a long pause. After all, they’ve been able to get a ‘yes’ from you for years. They’re in shock and could respond in any number of ways. They might try to turn the tables by using the following tactics:

Guilt

“What do you mean ‘no’? You’re always there. I need you on my team. I’ve always been able to count on you.”

Whining

“But your house is bigger and everyone feels comfortable there.”

Pressure

“Everybody’s counting on you. We need you to be there. I don’t have anyone else.”

Baiting

“Well, I had something I wanted to give you while you were (t)here.”

Begging

“Please just this one time. I promise I won’t ask you again.” (Don’t believe this one.)

Denial

“OK, thanks. I knew I could count on you.”

Aggressive

“We need you, this is your responsibility.”

Hold Your Ground

With any of the answers above, you simply use the technique called ‘repetitive assertion’ and repeat your first response again. If they still aren’t listening, repeat it up to three times. Remember to use a level tone of voice as it is important to convey a strong and non-aggressive message.

Don’t use the words “I’m sorry.” You’ll sound passive, like you did something you weren’t supposed to and you actually regret it. Remember, it is your life, your time and your choice! Live well!

Do you have difficulty saying ‘no’ to someone who requests your help? What do you do in such situations? What is your ‘no’ technique? Please share it in the comments below.

A few years ago, my father-in-law experienced a major medical crisis and as a result he was hospitalized. He was in intensive care for a time but eventually gained enough strength so that he was able to return home.

I remember being called over to his home after he was discharged from the hospital so that I could help him settle in and organize his medications for his full-time caregiver.

I sat down with the long list of medications and focused on the task of setting up his pill cassette. There were more than 20 medications, each needing to be administered at varied times throughout the day.

Setting up his medications was an overwhelming experience even with my nursing background and comfort with all things medical. I cannot imagine how a family caregiver without professional medical training might fare in a similar situation.

Medication management is a task frequently undertaken by family caregivers. In fact, according to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP study Caregiving in the US 2015 more than 6 in 10 caregivers assist a loved one with managing their medications.

However, most caregivers do not feel that they are properly prepared to safely manage the medications a loved one is taking.

This lack of understanding is a major source of stress. Having inadequate knowledge about the actions and possible side effects of medications, and the symptoms associated of possible drug interactions, can directly impact a loved one’s quality of life.

As a caregiver, you must often act as the gatekeeper for the medications of a loved one. Although you may not be a medical expert, it is important to take note of medications prescribed to a loved one.

The following are five tips that you may find helpful as you assist your loved one manage his or her medications.

Schedule a Pharmacy Consult

As a caregiver, it is important that you rely on trusted partners to help manage the challenges your loved one may have with medications.

Whether you need assistance with understanding new medications and possible side effects, need help with setting up refills for all prescriptions on the same day each month, setting up delivery or assisting with reminders for your loved one to take their medications, scheduling a pharmacy consult can be of great benefit.

During a pharmacy consult, the pharmacist can go over each medication and help you understand their actions and possible side effects.

The pharmacist can also assist with contacting the doctor so that they can work together to discontinue ineffective medications and also help you to streamline your loved one’s prescriptions so that they are all dispensed at one pharmacy.

Consults can be performed via phone or in person. It is best to contact the pharmacist directly to set up a consult for your loved one.

Schedule a Wellness Visit with Your Loved One’s Pharmacist

A Wellness Prescription visit is similar to an annual physical. During a wellness visit the pharmacist will perform a medication reconciliation and review to make sure that your loved one is adhering to his or her drug regimen and experiencing positive results.

The visit also includes a cost saving analysis, an insurance formulary check, prior authorization assistance with your insurance company and Pharmacogenetic counseling.

It makes perfect sense to schedule a ‘checkup’ for the medications your loved one takes at least once a year. More than one visit may be necessary if you feel your loved one is not getting the desired results or is suffering from side effects from his or her drug regimen.

Seek Out Pharmacogenetic Testing

The average adult over the age of 65 takes seven or more prescription medications. And while most medications are perfectly safe, from time to time you or your loved one may take a medication or a combination of medications that don’t suit your body. As a result, you may end up experiencing an adverse reaction.

Pharmacogenomics is the science behind how your genetic makeup impacts the way you metabolize a particular drug. The PGx test will show what drugs work best for your loved one, but more importantly, what drugs will not work and should be avoided.

This test is ordered by your loved one’s primary physician and will ensure that your loved one is prescribed the right drug at the right dose from the beginning, decreasing the chances he or she will experience an adverse drug reaction.

Maintain a List of Prescribed and Over-the-Counter Medications

Keeping a running tab on medications will aid in maintaining continuity. One tip that may assist in keeping track of medications is to list them by name.

It may also be useful to take that list along each time your loved one has a doctor’s appointment. The key is to keep track of all medications a loved one takes, in addition to keeping the doctor and pharmacist informed.

Medication management can be one of the more complex, yet impactful aspects of caring for a loved one. Pharmacists have long been considered a trusted health care resource.

Reaching out to a pharmacist, or your loved one’s primary physician, is vitally important to successful medication management.

Do you have any best practices that you might share regarding proper management of prescription medications? Please join the conversation below!

If you are stuck, it is time to get unstuck. Nothing ages a woman, in my opinion, more than being stuck in a rut, no matter what part of her life we are talking about.

And we all do it. We all get caught in the trap of not staying current, whether it is with pop culture or our home’s decor or movies or the way we wear our hair and our clothes.

We all do it. I do it. But it is time to change that. How often do you walk into a friend’s home and think, “Wow, this place hasn’t been updated since before Y2K”? If you don’t know what that is, then this article may not be for you!

Or when was the last time you put on an old sweater and had to decide whether to leave the shoulder pads in or take them out? The answer is out, by the way, if you were old enough to wear them the last time they were in.

I have been noticing a tendency to hold on to way too many things that I have had since I got married in 1985. They really don’t hold much sentimental value for me any longer since ‘married’ is not my current status.

Am I Trying Too Hard?

I know what you’re thinking: “I don’t want to look like I am trying too hard to stay young. I am not fooling anyone about my age.” It is not about trying to pass for an age that came and went a long time ago.

It is about remaining current, not living in the past. Staying interested in what is happening in the world around you and finding ways to bring today into your life makes a difference in how others see you and in how you feel about yourself.

My children span from ages 26 to 31, and I like some of their favorite music and TV shows. Not all, but some. We like the same current movies – not all, but some.

It gives us something to talk about when the awards nights come around. It’s fun to go to a concert with them once in a while. I love it and it connects me to them. It makes me feel like I am part of this world, not on the tail end of life.

How Tech Savvy Are You?

My daughter-in-law always asks me if I follow certain interior designers on Instagram, so I look them up and follow them. Guess what? I am starting to feel like I need to make some changes in my apartment.

It needs to be refreshed and that doesn’t have to do with spending a lot of money. It has to do with maybe changing out a rug and adding a little brightness. Nothing earth-shattering, just a little spruce up that makes me feel like I am not living in Granny’s house.

Is Your Fashion Sense Up-to-Date?

I am very stuck in fashion. I wear black almost always! Sometimes I go wild and wear gray, beige or beigeish gray. That probably won’t change.

But, I can definitely buy a couple of pairs of shoes and a handbag or coat every season that updates the look. And how do I know if it is working? When my daughter asks me if she can borrow my shoes! Bingo!

Aging Isn’t for Wimps

Listen, aging isn’t for wimps, we all know that. But I really believe that sometimes we can feel left out, or left behind – or unimportant. We are not unimportant, but we have to let others know that. We need to stay informed and relevant and current.

So, are you stuck? And if you are stuck, what are you going to do about it? How can you make some small changes to stay current? Please share your thoughts with the community.