Leah McSweeney’s Taupe Pom Pom Hat in The Berkshires

Real Housewives of New York Season 12 Episode 14 Fashion

In case you didn’t know, winter is coming…or at least it is on RHONY considering we see Leah McSweeney wearing a taupe pom pom hat on this week’s episode in the Berkshires. Which you should probably click “add to cart” on now while it’s still up for grabs, so that come wintertime the upper portion of your head is guaranteed to be all cutely masked bundled up.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Kyi Kyi Hat in Other Colours on eBay

Click Here For Info on Her Jacket

Originally posted at: Leah McSweeney’s Taupe Pom Pom Hat

Although I’ve been an avid reader all my life, I’d honestly never heard the term “bibliotherapy” until recently. Apparently, I’ve been out of the loop.

The concept of reading books as therapy dates to the ancient Greeks who considered libraries sacred. Above the entrance to the library in Thebes were inscribed the words, “A healing place for the soul.”

Through the ages, medical as well as psychiatric physicians have prescribed the reading of books to patients to help them understand their conditions, combat depression or face a life transition.

Reading as a Casual Pastime

But what about reading as a casual pastime? I’ve researched the psychology of this activity and experienced a few enlightening revelations.

In the words of the French author Marcel Proust, “Reading is for us the instigator whose magic keys open deep within us the door to those dwelling places into which we would have been unable to penetrate.”

So, how can picking up a book, or your digital reading device, help improve the quality of your life? Well, surprise! If you are reading this blog, or one of the many others on the Sixty and Me website, you have already begun the journey.

In exploring the articles, podcasts and blogs contributed by this community of like-minded women, we improve our day.

We learn something, we are entertained, we laugh, we empathize with each other’s sadness. But one thing is for certain: we leave the site with a renewed and enriched view of our own lives. And with a smile.

Of course, with the millions of books out there in hundreds, if not thousands of genres on virtually every conceivable subject, the choices are plentiful. Here are some basic avenues you may consider.

Self-Help Books

Are you dealing with a challenge in your life? Grieving a lost loved one? Facing “empty nest syndrome”? Perhaps you are approaching a transition in your life, like entering retirement, and are unsure as to what on earth you’re going to do with all that time on your hands.

Are you socially inept? Has that been keeping you from expanding your circle of friends? These issues are discussed in self-help books.

Personal confidence issues are not new to me, especially when approaching a new activity or skill. Recently, I decided to take up horseback riding again after a multi-year hiatus, but fear of failure and injury was holding me hostage.

I came across a book called The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. Reading this book was so uplifting, so inspiring to me, that I found myself able to tackle that personal challenge with gusto.

I recommended the book to a dear friend of mine, who suffers from a similar lack of confidence, though in different areas of her life. She said she literally could not put it down, and it caused her to envision an entire shift in her self-image.

If you are dealing with a stumbling block in your life, there is a book out there that might open new pathways in your brain and help you find the right answer for you.

Educational Books

Perhaps you have spent your entire life playing the same roles: at work, with your family, in your relationships, in your recreational activities. The one thing I discovered with delight at the age of 54 was that you are never too old to learn something new.

After spending my entire life working in the medical field, utilizing the scientific, logical side of my brain, I realized that the banging I was hearing was my creative side beating on the door, begging to be turned free. I wanted to write.

A plethora of books out there exist to help you learn the techniques for whatever kind of writing you want to do. I wanted to pen my memoir, but also had dozens of fictional tales running around in my head.

So, I began my own exploration of the world of writing (a form of therapy in its own right). I read books on every aspect of the writing craft I could find. Two years later, I’d not only written both a memoir and a novel, but had secured publication contracts on both of those books.

Contrary to the old cliché, you can teach a mature, experienced dog new tricks. This concept applies to every subject, every sport, every hobby. If you have a desire to learn about it, there’s at least a dozen books out there to help you learn the basics and get you started on a fresh, new pathway in your life.

Virtual Reality Books

No, I’m not talking about the computer-created kind. You don’t need any fancy technological gadgets or expensive software. All you need is a book. Every novel, whether it be literary or mass-market fiction, holds a potential, virtual journey.

In the 90s, with the discovery of “mirror neurons,” scientists determined (under CT scan) that the area of the human brain that reacts to an actual experience also lights up when a person either watches someone else experiencing the event – or if they read about it.

Emotions add the spice to an otherwise mundane existence. When you read a novel, by empathizing with the characters, you feel their emotions.

By the end of a particularly well-developed story, you feel a sense of loss at “losing” your new friends. This explains why series are so popular.

Even after completing one of my own novels, I find myself thinking at times, “Gee, I wonder what Marco and Kate are up to this weekend?” As if they are real people, even though these characters only exist in my mind.

Travel Books

Always wanted to travel abroad? Choose a novel set in the place where you want to visit. I love reading novels set in Scotland. I can take that virtual trip without ever leaving the comfort of my reading chair.

What is the best part about the virtual reality journey provided by a novel?

There are no limitations. Even time travel is possible. Dive into the past with a historical tale, or jet yourself into the future with a sci-fi. The possibilities are endless.

Bibliotherapy is an inexpensive – even free – way to enrich your life. I’ve always treasured libraries as places for endless possibilities and adventure. Borrowing books is free. The invention of the eBook has made purchasing books easier than ever and less expensive.

What a freedom we have in today’s world!

You are no longer limited by the hours of your local bookstore or library. With the Internet and eBooks, you can choose a book at 3 a.m. on Christmas morning, in the middle of a snowstorm, if it so moves you. A couple of clicks and a few dollars later, you can begin the next chapter of your life-enriching journey – without delay.

My prescription for improving your life? Self-medicate with bibliotherapy.

Have you read a particularly good book lately? How did it enhance your life? I’d love to hear from you! Let’s have a conversation about your most recent great read.

When I was a young boy, my parents took my brother and I on a vacation. I was pretty little, so I don’t remember much about the trip. I know we traveled on an airplane, but I have no recollection of where we went, what we did, or who we saw. What I do remember, however, is a passing moment on the trip home.

It’s funny how the mind works, right? It often remembers insignificant things and forgets the more important details. I remember my mom telling me as we boarded the plane that we were “flying home.” I still remember all these years later how the idea of flying home puzzled me.

When we drove home, we always pulled up in front of our house, got out of the car, and went inside through the garage. I assumed flying home would work the same way. I still vividly remember imagining our street after dark (we were flying at night) and the airplane pulling up in front of our house and dropping us off.

Like usual, we would get out and go inside through the garage. I wasn’t sure how an airplane could land on our street, but surely my mom knew what she was talking about, right?

Misconceptions Come from Lack of Knowledge

Obviously, I had some misconceptions about what it meant to “fly home.” Children often have misconceptions because they have limited life experience and tend to take things literally. I see this with my own children.

However, adults commonly have misconceptions as well.

We often believe certain “truths” because we’ve always heard them and have never had reason to believe otherwise. This is true of reverse mortgages, too!

Many accepted “truths” about reverse mortgages are, in fact, misconceptions. Even reputable pundits, bloggers, and journalists constantly get it wrong about reverse mortgages.

I’ve been in the reverse mortgage industry for a number of years, and I’ve heard it all. I’d like to set the record straight on some of the most common misconceptions you may have heard. Some of you may have avoided a reverse mortgage because of the rumors you’ve heard. Frankly, if half the rumors were true, I would avoid a reverse mortgage too!

Now, before we dig in, let me first point out that the reverse mortgage I’ll be discussing here is the FHA-insured and regulated Home Equity Conversion Mortgage, or HECM (often pronounced heck-um by industry insiders).

The HECM is the most common reverse mortgage in the United States today. If a friend, relative, or neighbor got a reverse mortgage, it’s very likely they got a HECM.

“A Reverse Mortgage Is Only for Broke and Desperate People”

Despite decades of educational efforts by housing counselors, reverse mortgage lenders, and industry groups, the reverse mortgage still carries a stigma. Many people think it should only be pursued as a last resort.

In reality, broke and desperate people often don’t qualify because they have limited income and/or severely damaged credit.

The reverse mortgage is best used as a safety net, not a lifeboat. The idea is to add home equity to the retirement funding picture so you can live a more enjoyable and financially secure retirement. If you’re in need of a financial lifeboat, your circumstances may already be too dire to qualify.

The best candidates are seniors who are at least reasonably financially stable. And the best time to apply for a reverse mortgage is before you desperately need it. After all, it’s pretty hard to get insurance on a house that’s already burning down, right?

Contrary to the stigma, many wealthy seniors take advantage of a reverse mortgage. I did a reverse mortgage a few years ago for a gentleman who had a $5 million net worth. He didn’t need the reverse mortgage, but it offered him additional cash management options he wouldn’t otherwise have.

“The Bank Will Take My House” or “I’m Signing My House Over to the Bank”

The HECM is simply a home loan. You always remain the owner of your home, and you’re free to leave it to your heirs. Your heirs will inherit any equity remaining in the home whether they choose to keep it (they’ll have to pay off or refinance the loan balance), sell it, or let the lender sell it.

There is no purchase contract or sales agreement in the closing paperwork. Like a traditional “forward” mortgage, the closing paperwork contains a Note (the “promise to pay”) and a Deed of Trust or Mortgage, depending on your state.

The Note is the “IOU” and the Deed of Trust or Mortgage secures the debt to the home. This is how it works for both traditional “forward” mortgages and reverse mortgages.

A key requirement of the HECM is to live in the home and pay the property taxes and insurance. If the bank owned your home, it would be paying the property taxes instead of you, right?

“Reverse Mortgage Interest Rates Are Sky High”

The HECM is a home loan so, naturally, it comes with an interest rate. However, HECM interest rates are usually comparable to traditional 30-year fixed mortgage rates.

“I’ll Leave a Big Mess for My Heirs to Clean Up”

The reverse mortgage is a non-recourse loan. The most that will ever have to be repaid is the value of the home. If the home isn’t worth enough to pay off the entire loan balance, FHA will cover the shortage.

If your heirs wish to keep the home, they’ll need to pay off or refinance the loan balance. If they prefer to sell, they can hire a real estate agent or sell the home on their own. Once the sale is complete, the reverse mortgage is paid off through closing, and your heirs keep the remaining equity.

If your heirs don’t want to keep the home or mess with selling it, they can let the lender sell it. Any remaining equity will go in their pocket once the sale is complete.

“Reverse Mortgage Closing Costs Are Impossible”

Reverse mortgage closing costs can be high, but not always. There’s a little more nuance to this topic than the rumors would imply.

First of all, it’s important to understand that all mortgages have closing costs that can add up to thousands of dollars. The key question is this: Who pays the closing costs?Does the lender pay them? The borrower? Or is it a combination of both?

The Forward Mortgage Picture

You’ve probably heard of so-called “zero cost” or “no cost” traditional “forward” mortgages. Lenders offer such loans by charging a slightly higher interest rate and paying closing costs for you with a lender credit.

Lenders can only do this when the starting loan amount generates enough interest to justify offering a lender credit.

For example, a $250,000 traditional “forward” mortgage at 4% generates almost $10,000 worth of interest in just the first year. It’s relatively easy for a lender to pay all or most of your costs when they’re earning that kind of interest on the loan balance.

The Reverse Mortgage Picture

A reverse mortgage, on the other hand, tends to start with a relatively small loan balance, as it is only workable when you owe relatively little (or nothing at all) on your home.

For example, a reverse mortgage with a $25,000 starting loan balance will generate less than $1,000 worth of interest in the first year. When closing costs add up to thousands of dollars, it’s no wonder reverse mortgage lenders can’t absorb them.

They have to pass the closing costs on to the borrower, which means the costs are typically rolled into the starting loan amount. This contributes to the perception that reverse mortgages have high fees.

No Cost Reverse Mortgages

Now, having said that, there are some situations where reverse mortgage lenders can pay all or part of your closing costs. I’ve done plenty of “no cost” reverse mortgages over the years.

For example, if you’re using the reverse mortgage to pay off a large existing mortgage balance, the lender may be able to cover all or part of your closing costs. Again, a larger loan balance generates more interest, which makes it easier for reverse mortgage lenders to cover closing costs.

“I Can’t Ever Sell My House. I’m Stuck in It for the Rest of My Life”

It’s true that the reverse mortgage is best suited for people who don’t plan to sell anytime soon. However, there is no prepayment penalty or limitation on selling.

Selling works just like it would for any other mortgage: you hire a real estate agent, sell the home, and the loan balance is paid off through closing. Any remaining equity goes to you.

I Hope This Helps!

I hope this cleared up some concerns you may have had about reverse mortgages. Perhaps you even feel a little less apprehensive about them now. That’s my goal!

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that a reverse mortgage is not perfect for everybody, but it’s a fantastic product for the right candidate. In the weeks and months ahead, I’ll be writing more about how reverse mortgages really work, who should and shouldn’t get one, pitfalls to avoid, etc.

What do you know about reverse mortgages? Have you applied for one? Are there any negative rumors you’ve heard about reverse mortgages that I didn’t address here? If so, please leave them in the comments!

Dorinda Medley’s Lips Confessional Necklace

Real Housewives of New York Season 12 Fashion

Dorinda Medley not only mouth offed to Luann in the Berkshires on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York, but also to us in her new DIY confessionals where she was wearing this non-DIY, beaded lips choker necklace. Which was actually super cute, so in true countess-style we’ve decided to completely forgive her for now.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Venna Necklace Sold Out (Alternate Color Pictured)

Pucci Blouse Sold Out

Originally posted at: Dorinda Medley’s Lips Confessional Necklace

I think we’d all agree that the one constant with our skin is that it keeps changing. We all have varying degrees – and different types – of under eye issues.

Some of us have dark circles, others deal with under eye puffiness, texture, fine lines, or wrinkles, and many live with more than just one of these issues. Our genes, lack of sleep, sun damage, and aging all contribute to these issues.

We certainly can’t use the same techniques that worked in our 20s and 30s, but there are other things we can do to achieve a very positive difference in our appearance. Today we’ll talk about skincare options, makeup products, and makeup techniques.

The Five Steps to Improve Our Under Eye Area

The skin under the eyes is cushioned by a very thin fat layer which shrinks as we age and causes wrinkles to appear. Normally, collagen keeps the skin and muscles taut and springy, but it too runs low in our later years, and the skin doesn’t spring back as easily as it once did. Top this up with the fewer oil glands in this area, and we have dry skin to think about as well.

Overnight Hydration

So, if your under eye skin is dry, the first step to consider is extra hydration with overnight eye patches. During the day, it’s important to use a moisturizing eye cream.

If you have oily skin, consider using a lighter hydrating cream during the day than you do at night. You may find it helpful to check out Rank & Style since they have top 10 lists for various products, including eye creams and moisturizers.

Sunscreen Protection

Regular use of sunscreen underthe eyes and above and below the eyebrows is imperative. My dermatologist once told me that one of the places we usually forget to put on sunscreen – that is nonetheless very important – is right above our eyebrows.

Since chemical sunscreens can sometimes be irritating, a mineral sunscreen may work best. And don’t forget to wear a hat and sunglasses!

Even Out the Skin Tone

Color correcting the under eye area before applying concealer is key here. This step may be new to many of you, but it’s extremely important.

What is color correcting? This is a method of using complementary colors – the colors that are directly opposite each other on the color wheel – to cancel out the look of any type of skin discoloration.

Most of the time, the darkness under your eyes has tones of blues and purples, and it’s best to deal with it using a peach or salmon-toned color corrector. How deep a tone you use depends on how deep your skin color is.

Be sure to check out Elise’s YouTube channel which specifically focuses on makeup tips, techniques, and product reviews for those of us 50+. Don’t forget to subscribe!

Here I must mention a really excellent color correcting product. It’s called Colorescience Total Eye 3-in-1 Renewal Therapy. It has two different shades of peach – Light and Original – plus a tan and dark shade. It also helps de-puff the under eye area and adds a 35 mineral SPF.

But there are certainly many other color correcting products on the market. Most makeup lines have concealers in various shades of peach and apricot.

Use Concealer Next

Next, pat a concealer, half-to-one shade lighter than your foundation, over the color corrector. When you apply the concealer under your eyes, it’s important to pat rather than rub since you don’t want to disturb the color corrector you’ve just applied.

Tap on a very sheer layer with your ring finger so the concealer melts into the skin without creasing. If you’re using concealer on other parts of your face to cover age spots or discoloration, do pick a concealer that exactly matches your skin in these areas.

Preventing Creasing

Since the skin in the under eye area stretches a lot, you have to experiment until you find a concealer that won’t crease. A concealer which is too thin, too drying, or too moisturizing will not be a good choice.

Unfortunately, there’s no one thing that works universally since we each have different levels of moisture in our skin and different under eye issues. But I want to give you a variety of suggestions that can help prevent your concealer from creasing.

• Look slightly upward when applying concealer to stretch the skin a bit.  
• To lock in the concealer, apply a tiny bit of hydrating primer such as Laura Mercier’s Hydrating Primer or NYX’s Hydra Touch Primer before applying concealer.
• Apply a tiny bit of face oil to the skin to moisturize the area before color correcting and again after applying concealer.
• Gently press in a very small amount of powder over the concealer using your finger or a brush.
• Spritz setting spray onto a concealer brush, dip it into the concealer, dot the concealer onto strategic areas and press it in with your fingers.

Great Concealers That Work Well for Women Over 50

There are several high end concealers that work well for many of us who are over 50. These include:

• Too Faced’s Born This Way Concealer,
• Tarte’s Aquacealer Concealer “Rainforest of the Sea,”
• Pat McGrath’s Skin Fetish Concealer,
• Dior’s Forever Skin Correct,
• Charlotte Tilbury’s Magic Away Concealer, and many others.

Some good drugstore brands include Milani’s Conceal and Perfect which is a bargain at $9.00, Maybelline’s Instant Age Rewind Eraser which retails for $9.99, and Revlon’s Photo Ready Candid Antioxidant Concealer which costs $10.00.

What issues do you notice in your under eye area? What products have you found that you’d recommend? Do you have a favorite concealer or under eye cream? If so, please share them with us.