On a podcast recently, this question was put to chefs: Which seven ingredients must you always have in your pantry at home? One surprising answer was tomato paste. Since the chef said it was necessary, I started using it more and wow! It does add a pack of flavor.

Today, here is my list of seven items I “need” in my pantry. (Salt and pepper and basic herbs are a given.)

Onions and/or Garlic

We use a lot of veggies at our house. And a lot of our dishes seem to start with sautéing onions and garlic in olive oil.

We usually have garlic that is pre-minced in jars as well as peeled fresh garlic in bags and some fresh garlic in cloves. The convenience of minced is nice, but that is not as flavorful as one of the fresh versions.

Once or twice a week, we roast up whatever veggies we have around – sweet potatoes, onions, and garlic are a favorite mix of mine. Cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, carrots – anything is roast-able in our home, and onion and garlic are always included.

To roast, I mix the veggies in a bowl with oil and seasonings, then put in a 13×9 pan and into the oven at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes, usually stirring once, until the veggies are tender.

Miso Paste

Some time ago, maybe when my husband was reading about the Okinawa diet, we started using miso. I’m not enough of a connoisseur to have an opinion on white vs. red vs. yellow, etc., but I do love having miso around to add flavor to just about anything.

The other day, I was tired of moving a few bags of half-used frozen veggies around the freezer, so I sautéed up some onions and garlic, added in broccoli, peas, and green beans from the freezer, loosened it all up with some stock, added a generous amount of miso paste (1/4 cup?), a can of organic tomatoes, and a few spices, like oregano and turmeric.

After cooking on low heat for a few hours, it was all wonderfully soft and it smelled awesome. I used my immersion blender to puree it all up and made a wonderful, hearty tomato soup.

Gluten Free Flours

Not my preference, but by necessity, I have to avoid gluten. But I love baking! My kids grew up thinking that store-bought white bread was a delicacy only to be tasted at church potlucks. They were used to my regular baking of all types of breads and rolls.

This morning, I enjoyed a piece of toast, which sometimes is the only thing that will do. I made a successful loaf of gluten free bread yesterday that held together and was tasty. The secret to holding together and rising is xanthium gum.

The tastiness comes from using a variety of flours. This loaf has a gluten free all-purpose that includes sorghum and brown rice and garbanzo bean flours. I added some teff flour and oat bran.

I have an array of flours, including coconut and almond and sorghum as well as the ones mentioned above. My family usually says that gluten free pancakes with a variety of flours are better than wheat pancakes.

Mushrooms

Besides the fact that I love the taste and flavor of mushrooms, they are a natural immune booster. After listening to an episode of the People’s Pharmacy, I have been even more intentional about using mushrooms.

I tried the mushroom barley soup recipe on their site, substituting wild rice for the gluten laden barley, and made a few other accommodations to fit with my on-hand ingredients, and it was yummy. Of course, mushrooms are also an item added into our roasted veggie concoctions.

Ginger, in Any Form

I have loved ginger since I was a kid and a favorite neighbor would make dense, cakey cookies she referred to as “gingees.” I loved those cookies! Also as a child, when there was a storm in the winter and our little gas log was on, we’d get regular ginger snaps and put a little dab of butter on them to melt.

Now I always have ginger juice to add to the taste of tea or smoothies or my own matcha/turmeric/ginger drink.

I also have ground ginger to add to cookies or sprinkle on roasted veggies or add in Indian food recipes.

Finally, I bought a mandolin primarily to slice fresh ginger super thin to add to roasted veggies. A favorite, super easy recipe is Ginger Carrot Soup.

Butter

Of course, growing up in the boomer generation, I had a lot of oleomargarine as a kid. Somewhere along the way, though, maybe at a rare restaurant experience, I tasted butter. Real butter. And I was sold!

Butter makes everything better. Cookies, mashed potatoes, toast, baked sweet potato, pancakes, banana bread. Butter, not margarine.

Besides, now we know that butter, in moderation, is probably better for us than hydrogenated oils and fats. Butter is one of my “purist” splurges.

Unsweetened Shredded Coconut

On another day, another time, coconut would not be on my list of seven necessary items. But I’ve had some success with baking lately that satisfied my gluten eating family – even a grandkid who identifies my food as “grandma food” when it tastes too healthy.

I made banana bread for an open house (pre-corona) and at the last minute, wondered how some coconut would work in it. All I had baked disappeared, and I even received requests for the recipe – no one guessed it was gluten free. Now I know to always put coconut in my banana bread.

My mother’s tried and true recipe for oatmeal cookies got a handful of coconut the last time I used it to make chocolate chip cookies and that was a hit, too. With a dash of cinnamon as well. The texture as well as the taste of coconut is a favorite addition at present.

I am definitely not a chef, but I do enjoy being creative in the kitchen. Trying new ingredients has made our quarantine time more pleasant, for sure.

What are the special ingredients you have in your pantry? How have you ventured in the kitchen while sheltering at home? Please share with the community!

That marvelous satellite we call the Moon has been observed by everyone, from scientists to spiritualists to farmers deciding when to plant.

My fascination with the Moon is longstanding, but on a superficial level. An occasional look to the evening sky offers an appreciation of its beauty, as it provides some light through the night.

On the topic of the Moon and how it impacts time in our lives, I happened to hear Anne Strangechamps, one of the hosts of To the Best of our Knowledge podcast, interviewing media theorist Douglas Rushkoff.

The Moon and Our Behavior

During the interview, Rushkoff discusses that as the Moon changes from phase to phase, there is a tendency for chemical substances in our brains to have an impact on our behavior and interests.

As I have had time on my hands as a stay-at-home hideaway from COVID-19, I decided to, on a casual basis, track the Moon phases on my own behavior, level, and type of activity.

I have long been aware that I am super-productive some days or weeks and other times just as likely to settle into a comfortable chair with a long book. Can our activity on any given day or week be attributable to Moon phases?

In my unscientific plain language approach, I’ve attempted to more or less track my own activity through a Moon cycle or two to see whether the expected outcomes for those phases fit my activity. I did this through a backward approach looking at my day-to-day calendar, phone logs and my running journal.

Did my journals and log activity reflect the Moon’s cycles? You be the judge.

New Moon

During the Rising Moon phase, Rushkoff says we will likely be thinking creatively and be more open to new thoughts.

Personal Observations

I’m not sure I felt like a creative woman, but my calendar notes show I was more disciplined about meditation and exercise than during other phases of the Lunar month. This was the week I returned to a yoga practice after a long absence.

I generally am not good about keeping up with friends, but my calendar notes show I did significant outreach during the New Moon.

I also found that I returned to some ideas I had, for some reason, put on the shelf.

Activity involved more business decisions than would be expected, but that was more a matter of outside timetables than my choice to make those decisions during this period.

First Quarter

According to Rushkoff, I should have felt an impulse to get work done as the Moon was filling. This is a phase to tackle projects that may have been put off.

Personal Observations

The “get work done” fits well. I wrote and submitted an article the first day of this quarter, then spent a good week to 10 days knocking items off the to-do list.

I mowed through a stack of paperwork that was not date sensitive, but should have been done. It felt good to have that space cleared away. Additionally, I was doing some planting preparation.

My journal reflects more goal-oriented runs than were done in the first quarter.

Full Moon

Rushkoff says we shouldn’t expect to be productive when the Moon is full. Kick back a bit and enjoy some leisure time. Trying to be productive will be, well, unproductive.

Personal Observations

There was excessive but well spent phone time with friends. I did engage in some fun, creative cooking and did some writing. I don’t have much detail on my calendar so that may be a reflection of the expected lack of productivity during this phase.

My running journal shows that I incorporated some trail hiking during this period, always a more relaxed experience than running on the road.

Third Quarter

Expect to be all business, ready to make decisions based in hard facts when the Moon is waning.

Personal Observations

My calendar shows I moved ahead on some long-range planning (or contingency planning, as needed during an epidemic).

I also did some furniture rearranging. I don’t think that qualifies as making a decision based on hard facts, it but did make for more efficient use of space.

My Summary of This Experiment

So, what does my retrospective review over the last month to six weeks tell me – and you? I’ve reached the following conclusions:

Time Organization

Attention to the moon phases may help in structuring personal time, especially during 2020 when time feels very strange already.

Productivity and Leisure

There may be a benefit to reflecting on feeling and temperament of the day as opposed to what the various clocks of the outside world are asking of us. Our lives don’t usually allow us to choose when we will relax and when we will be super productive.

The crux of this is that the limitations and demands on our lives don’t necessarily coincide with the moon phases.

Structure

At a time when many things feel unsure in our world, the moon phases may provide a structure. We can all look to our recent previous activity and determine whether it is useful in the longer term.

Have you considered how the phases of the Moon may impact your creativity, efficiency, and organizational powers? Is it possible to coordinate your inner clock, that may be dictated by the Moon phases, with appointments, deadlines, and obligations? What do you think? Please share with our community!

Lisa Rinna’s Pink Satin Dress on RHOBH

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 10 Episode 8 Fashion

Between her pink blazer dress with the astrologist and this pink satin dress at the gala, Lisa Rinna is certainly rocking a lot of pink in the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 10 trailer. And we’re just hoping that it doesn’t result in her receiving a cease and desist from Lisa Vanderpump to stop serving us up pretty pink lewks because ooo…we’d be so angry.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Also Seen on Tracy Tutor in White:

Click Here to Shop Her Retrofete Dress

Click Here to Shop it in White

Click Here to Shop it in Black

Click Here to Shop it in Green

Photo #2: @TracyTutor

Originally posted at: Lisa Rinna’s Pink Satin Dress

Some time ago, I wrote an article about how to deal with estranged adult children. It was in the choppy wake of Mother’s Day. Many of us were feeling the heightened sting of loss.

I was surprised by the response that article evoked. I know there are many hurting moms, but I didn’t realize that the number is so huge.

One mom shared, “It is awful and I’m so thankful I can at least talk about it with people who understand. I felt so alone.”

There is, as AF said, “No greater pain.” How do we, as surviving mamas, try to live a life with joy and meaning?

I come to this topic with a deficit. My parents died when I was a teen. As a motherless/fatherless 19-year-old I did not have the opportunity to experience adult estrangement. Indeed, I often longed to have parents whom I could rebel against!

Family Life Is a Crucible

I once heard someone refer to family life as a crucible. When the fire of life gets turned up, our imperfections get heated up!

It also brings out the best in us. We have enjoyed love, gentleness and kindness in raising our children. It is the contrast between the magic years and these tragic years that makes the estrangement a shock.

Challenging the Narrative About Estranged Adult Children

Some readers challenged the narrative that we were decent moms.

SBW commented, “Not everyone has Harriet Nelson for a mother.”

In my life as a practicing attorney, I never ceased shuddering at what people are capable of doing. Humans are capable of unspeakable behavior.

One mom responded, “Agreed! I stay away from my family after years of being treated poorly… I’d had enough. Sometimes you have to sever ties for your own sake and sanity.”

Most of us are grieved to hear from women who never had a special relationship with their parents. We have done our best. Indeed, many of us have spent years in therapy unraveling our own upbringing so that we could do a better job with our kids. (Raising my hand to admit this!)

I hope every wounded person finds peace. If you have been abused by your parents, you have suffered unthinkable harm. Get some counsel so you can move past your pain and make a wonderful life!

We’ve been the loving, cookie-baking moms whose lives have been shaken to the core by their child’s decision to reject them. We need to air our pain, just like you. Find the appropriate place to get help and support.

How Do You Let Go?

It’s not easy to let it go, but healing and moving on should be our focus. While the estrangement is out of our control, the solution seems to lie in exercising our own control in letting go of the pain and moving on.

One mom shared, “Take the anger, and put it into positive energy to improve yourself… Over time it became easier. I still feel sad, but I refuse to harbor anger since it only hurts me more. I acknowledge my sadness but move around and above it to help myself move forward.”

Time is a healer. We need to process the pain but then it might be wise to put the pain behind us.

While our children took away the choice to be in a relationship with them, we still have other choices. The best choice we can make is to move on and live a rich, fulfilling life with new interests and pursuits. Spending the rest of our days wallowing in sorrow serves no one.

What About the Grandchildren?

For some of us, being cut off from a grandchild is our hurt multiplied. When our estranged kids keep grandchildren from us, the pain is more intense.

One mom recounted, “I lived 15 minutes from my son and my two grandchildren. Didn’t see them for several years. Daughter-in-law’s family sees them every day. I wasn’t even allowed to babysit. The pain never stops.”

My own grandson lives 10 hours away with his dad. It took years of court wrangling and thousands of dollars for us to be allowed to see him a few times a year.

So, I see him when I can. I make sure to never miss a birthday or holiday with him, even if I can’t be with him all too often. I take comfort in knowing that when he is an adult, he will have his own choices to make.

As the Parents of Estranged Adult Children, What Shall We Do?

What does it take for you to deal with this? We will each find our way into our own peace.

Seeking personal peace with our situation is something we all must do. Don’t spend your remaining time on earth in bitterness and sadness.

Allowing sadness to control us insults the gift of the remaining life we have.

What do you need to do now for your own physical and emotional health? Therapy has helped me tremendously in defining boundaries and clarifying what was and was not my responsibility.

We can take extra care of our physical health so that our post-mothering years are vibrant. There is more life to live, and we can bless ourselves by being healthy enough to enjoy it.

What About the Adult Child?

Our adult children have their own story to live. The book of their life (and ours) is still being written. We don’t know the end of either one.

So, we do what we can to connect. I told my daughter that I would always be her mom and I would fly over her life on occasion to tell her I still loved her. Sometimes she swats the fly over away. Sometimes she welcomes it.

NH wrote, “Never give up, show your love no matter what!”
For me, that has meant never missing an opportunity to speak words of blessing. I acknowledge birthdays and holidays, sending good wishes to her, although they are never returned or acknowledged.

How are you coming to grips with your situation of being the mother of an estranged adult child? How are you planning to make your future the best it can be, given your life’s circumstances? What advice would you give to the parents of estranged adult children? Please join the conversation below!

Soon after my husband and I moved into our continuing care retirement community, a hearty-looking fellow walked up to us and said, “I’m Tim, who are you?” I told him our names. He said, “We’re going away for a few weeks but when Marie and I get back, let’s have dinner. I want to know you.”

A month later, we ran into Tim at the mailboxes, and he repeated his invitation. We had to accept. Besides, I was curious about this guy who was so in-your-face, unlike the other residents we had encountered.

Hail Fellow, Well Met

It turned out that although Tim talked big at dinner, he also listened very well. He asked questions that led me to think he truly cared about the answers. I asked if he gave all new residents such a welcome.

He said, yeah, he did, and that some people accused him of wanting to be our community’s unelected mayor. “Was that so bad?” he wanted to know? Not in my book.

But Others Objected

As weeks passed, I noticed that Tim had a head-butting relationship with another man who headed up one of the residents’ steering committees.

A woman on the committee clued me in: Tim had headed the committee before the incumbent, and Tim wanted things to stay the way they were, while the incumbent wanted reform. The incumbent had stacked the committee with like-minded folk, but, the woman said, it was all very cordial.

I shouldn’t have been surprised about the tension, but I was. At this CCRC, a national corporation with retirement holdings in five states writes the rules, handles the money, and runs the show. Very little comes under resident control.

Nonetheless, hierarchy seems to be a human predilection, and, evidently, the humans here had not escaped it.

Lines Were Drawn

I began to see signs of the pecking order. Half a dozen couples regularly sat with each other at dinner and talked until closing. Some of the same people dined with the national corporation’s executives when they came to town.

Notice I wrote “couples” – husbands and wives, with the husbands generally being the more vocal of the pair – in a community that is overwhelmingly female.

I wouldn’t expect the oldest and most infirm residents to be terribly visible community members, but I would hope future generations of women residents would participate energetically in the hierarchical games.

Who Wants to Play?

Our community attracts people, mostly in their 80s, who have lived in the surrounding neighborhoods or whose children are nearby. Many have roots in the mid-west. They are bankers and clergy, upper-level teachers and professionals of various stripes.

Some lean right, more inhabit the middle, and some lean left. Some are highly social; they gather for drinks while ostensibly maintaining social distancing (they don’t measure “six feet” well).

Others are more straight-laced; they don’t “get” why a committee would want to meet virtually if no assignments could be undertaken in this time of plague.

The Real Divide

My neighbors have one thing in common, though. They expect the services for which they are paying to be provided professionally, and they get grumpy when little things go astray.

I’ve seen perfectly polite people growl at a server in the dining room. Yet the same people try to give a new contractor the benefit of the doubt and save their complaints for if and when they are merited. Actually, they have no choice but to wait and see what management will be providing.

Despite grumbling now and then, my neighbors appreciate the staff and caregivers who make them comfortable, and they give scholarships and cultivate the young “team members” still in school.

I think most residents acknowledge, on some level, that they lead lives far more privileged than those of the people working on this campus. They are grateful for good service and give generous Christmas bonuses.

They’d better. A good team member is hard to find.

Are there hidden hierarchies in the social organizations in which you participate? Are you a player? Have you noticed altercations between group leaders? How does your community handle them? Please share with us!