A couple of days ago I was at the computer when I heard a knock at the window. I looked out and saw it was my daughter, her partner, and my three month old grandson, Anteo, at the door surprising us. The three had driven up from Southern California.

Our daughter said it was time for me to meet Anteo face-to- face after daily screen encounters, watching him grow and change each day. Heading to the front door, I burst into tears of joy and welcomed them into the house.

We moved to the backyard where I was able to laugh with him, feed him, and hold him while he slept. My husband and I were in seventh heaven.

For the last three months, I have been quarantining at home. Nobody had entered our house. The only person, outside my husband, who came within three feet of me was the CT scan technician who monitors my post-chemo treatments every three months.

At that moment when Anteo appeared in the flesh, nothing else mattered.

To Judge or Not to Judge

Later, after they left and drove back to their home eight hours away by car, I was able to reflect on all my feelings. I was thrilled. But also I felt a bit guilty, a bit worried, and a bit unsure whether I had made the right decision. Yet I can say with assurance, I would do it all again.

As I reflected, I realized that this phenomenon was happening to everyone I knew. My sister-in-law invited a friend to cook with her. Some friends had their adult children come to stay with them. Another friend also could not resist when her grand-daughter flew into her arms.

My husband got an “illegal” haircut. It has been easy for us to judge each other’s choices. Now I, too, was subject to such judgments.

One shocked friend asked, “You didn’t wear a mask?”

“No, it happened so fast,” I replied.

Especially those of us in my category of “vulnerable” people are faced with many choices as the world opens up. The question we ask is, “What should I do now?”

A Grand Reopening

In our different localities, the reopening phase has begun, yet amid tremendous uncertainty. Contradictory messages abound regarding effective medications, the availability of tests and beds in hospitals, whether or not you can get Covid-19 from surfaces, and more.

Reading the news each day is like a roller coaster: Covid-19 rates are going up in many places; a mysterious childhood disease linked to Covid-19 that burst into our in-boxes in mid-May then completely disappeared from the news; potentially a vaccine will be ready in September – that is, if in July they have positive results from the clinical trials.

Many school districts have not made decisions on how they will move forward because state guidelines seem impossible to follow. With all this cacophony of information, what are we to think?

After three months, many of us have finally gotten used to the new normal – leaving the house in masks, keeping distance, talking on screens, long phone calls to stay connected and for many of us, hour after hour of Zoom meetings/book clubs/graduations/religious services etc.

I have learned how to “dodge walk” around the neighborhood – a new term I invented for defensive walking to get out of the way. I know how to look around me at all times and hop into the street or onto lawns to avoid careless joggers and others zipping by on bikes, often without masks.

In this new phase, the game has changed. It seems like many people are in denial, wanting to believe it is over. Maybe others have just gotten tired of the restrictions.

This leaves us facing all kinds of decisions. Is it time to meet up with family? Do we go for a manicure? Is it time to go to the dentist – which we had avoided until now even when our teeth hurt?

Something We Need to Acknowledge

Well, I can offer no guidelines. We each have to weigh our priorities, our risks, and make our own choices. My purpose for writing this is to name this new phase and acknowledge the stress it brings, especially for those in our age group.

Whenever I acknowledge or name a situation or feeling, I can make more sense of it. I feel better. I am less likely to beat myself up about it. I share these thoughts with all of you in the Sixty and Me community because just by our age, we more likely fall into that vulnerable category.

You are probably asking some of the same questions. As we move into and through this next phase, my best suggestion to you and myself is to continue to be patient, flexible, compassionate with ourselves and others, and grateful to have arrived at this moment – as uncertain as it may be.

How has it been for you?

Is your state or country getting ready to re-open social life? How does it work where you’re located? What difficulties does reopening pose? Are you ready to get back to a semblance of normalcy? What would that mean to you? Please share your thoughts with us!

The show must go on. At least that’s what the BET Awards believed when it decided not to cancel the 20th year of the award show. But because we’re all not gathering in groups thanks to this global pandemic, the award show went off virtually. And it was a big success. You never really know how these things are going to work but from the BET Awards 2020 makeup, to the outfits, to the performances, the show was still a lot of fun.

Actress and comedienne Amanda Seales hosted the night with multiple outfits and hair changes. At one point, she wore all Black-owned brands and her perfect red lip was from Black-owned beauty brand, The Lip Bar. Her hairstylist, Nicole Newland, noted on Instagram that she walked her client through each hairstyle virtually. It seems many stars did their own hair and makeup at home to continue social distancing protocols. This is a new time and a new time of award show.

Of course, each star had a different approach to the night. Beyoncé pulled off soft glam but still looked red carpet ready. Former First Lady Michelle Obama (we miss her!) went a more natural route with her gorgeous bouncy curls we don’t get to see very often. Tracee Ellis Ross used her own Pattern haircare brand to give her “grown woman hairs” some “cursive extravagance.” She added a pink lip because it wouldn’t be a Tracee Ellis Ross look without it.

Relive some of the most stunning hair and makeup looks of the night.

Source: Instagram

Amanda Seales

The host switched up her looks, even virtually! One of our favorites is this gorgeous red lip and braided updo.

https://twitter.com/yonceir/status/1277436352129310722

Beyoncé

The queen accepted the 2020 Humanitarian Award with a soft glam with a glossy nude lip.

https://twitter.com/BET/status/1277399204374200321?

Marsai Martin and Megan Thee Stallion

The always-chic Marsai Martin looks adorable with wavy blonde hair and silver frames. She presented Megan Thee Stallion with the Best Female Hip-Hop Artist award. Megan looked her usual glam self at home with waist-length waves and a red lip.

https://twitter.com/TraceeEllisRoss/status/1277408525933670401

Tracee Ellis Ross

We can’t stop thinking about this perfect bright pink lip on Tracee Ellis Ross.

Source: Instagram

Lizzo

Lizzo accepted the Best Female R&B/Pop Artist award with natural-looking makeup (another nude glossy lip!) and a sky-high pony.

https://twitter.com/BET/status/1277409770413187073

Jennifer Hudson

One of the most beautiful performances of the evening was from Jenner Hudson. She looked stunning with her locs piled on top of her head. Watch up close and get a view of her dramatic winged liner.

Source: Instagram

Alicia Keys

Keys performed an emotional song about police brutality that had everyone transfixed. She did so wearing a little more makeup than we’re used to seeing from her, as well as geometrically patterned hair.

https://twitter.com/keezuswalks/status/1277427114892054528

Michelle Obama

The former first lady wore her natural curls while presenting the award to Beyoncé.

https://twitter.com/BET/status/1277424030186901505

Chloe x Halle

The duo dropped two songs while wearing half-up hairstyles and sharp eyeliner.

Do you see yourself with a boy-toy, or maybe you prefer a father figure image? What is the truth about age difference in relationships? Does it really matter, and how could it affect you? Let’s explore the issues.

In over 20 years as a matchmaker, a statement that I have so often heard is: “My physical age is X, but everybody says that I look many years younger. I do feel younger, so effectively, I am much younger.”

In 9 out of 10 cases, an objective viewer would tell them that they do not seem younger. Because while they may be fitter, more active, and even a little more youthful in appearance than the average for their chronological age, these points alone do not add up to being younger.

Our Youthful Identity

And that is because as we mature and develop our personality, a large part of our identity is formed from the imprint upon us of contemporary society, and this is particularly true during our teenage years.

Over the last seven decades, western society has gone through a series of cultural revolutions which, more than ever before, have helped form our attitudes to so many things.

For example, a seismic shift in attitudes took place in the 1960s, when youth culture with its associated fashion, music, and liberated attitudes, replaced the former paradigm of respect for seniority and authority.

The result is that someone who was a teenager in the 1950s will often have little in common with someone who was teen-age a decade later.

There are many other examples: pre- or post-Internet generation, pre- or post-conscripted military service, or earlier, pre- or post-war, etc.

For practical purposes, an age difference of more than 10 years will mean that you will not have had many similar experiences while growing up. To have truly similar cultural and artistic anchors in life, such as the music, the movies, and the experiences that were important to you, the age difference needs to be a good deal less.

Growing Old Together

You should also consider life going forward as a couple. “Growing old together“ is a much used phrase, but it gains real meaning for people in their 60s.

Sadly, in the next two or three decades, health issues will become real and it is highly likely that some level of support will be necessary within a lasting relationship.

Whilst it is true that on average women live a little longer than men, health problems or disabilities can crop up for either sex at any age. Such events are always traumatic, but when a younger person’s lifestyle is effectively limited by the failing health of their older partner, the relationship can become very stressful.

And, on the positive side of the equation, interests often change with age in a closely aligned pattern. Many people in their 60s will have retired or are just about to retire, so will be taking up new pastimes and interests.

Some pastimes and sports are lifelong activities, such as golf or sailing, but many others tend to be things that people move into at a certain age. However, if your ages are wildly different, then the same pursuits may not suit you both.

And to add to that, if one partner in a relationship still feels they have several years of work left in them, while the other wants to retire, then this can create a whole raft of difficulties because the working partner will so often be unavailable.

The simple message is that for many of us, large age discrepancies do not make for lasting relationships.

Look Past the ‘He’s My Boy-Toy’ Ego Boost

But, as ever, it is the exception that proves the rule. Every now and then, a ‘May-September’ relationship really works, usually for reasons best known to those involved.

One reason for some is that they had little contact with a peer group of their own age when growing up, instead spending their time with older relatives or their friends. I have recognised this situation with several women I have met.

But when the boot is on the other foot, the man seeking a significantly older woman, there might be an underlying deeper psychological reason for this desire. I would urge any woman entering such a relationship to look past the ‘he’s my boy-toy’ ego boost and try to understand exactly why he wants you. You may be surprised.

Finally, and somewhat in contradiction, let me say that nothing is impossible, because relationships do not work by rules. They are intrinsically a meeting of emotions, and we all know that emotions can take you anywhere.

Just take a moment to counter those heady impulses by also considering the longer-term view.

Are you looking for a life partner? Do you mentally calculate the age difference when sifting potential candidates? Why? What number, in your opinion, makes for the ideal age difference? Do you prefer dating a younger man or an older one? Please share your thoughts and let’s have a conversation.

I don’t know about you, but I found that among my friends, the default position for getting together was always going out to a restaurant for lunch or dinner and sometimes even for breakfast.

When two of us women finally hit upon a mutually acceptable date, the next question was always, “Where should we go?”

Forget “cocooning” at home – a fantasy probably dreamed up by the marketing team at Williams Sonoma – going out was the expected and expensive way to spend a few hours with friends.

Not Enthralled by Restaurants

Even before the pandemic, this always struck me as somewhat ludicrous. We all had perfectly acceptable homes, some of which could even be considered stunning, so why were we rushing to places that could only be described as “joints.”

Maybe it’s because I’m not a foodie, but I never got the romance of the restaurant. At least in the old days people dressed to go out for dinner, so there was something to look forward to. Today, you’d never know from the attire on display if you were in a locker room or a high-priced restaurant.

And speaking of high prices, did you notice how they’ve shot up on menus in the last year? Although I’m only slightly above Abe Lincoln in culinary discernment – he apparently ate only to fill ‘er up – even I find our local fare overpriced and underwhelming. But I digress…

Home Parties Can Be Too Much

It’s not to say my friends and I never entertained at home, but the way we did it was never entirely satisfying, either. We would make dinner parties in which the women cooked and the men served drinks.

The hostess was always jumping up to bring in food or check on something in the kitchen, and she seemed neither relaxed nor “there.”

Alternatively, we sometimes resorted to the potluck, which for some reason brought out the worst in me. I mean, were we still living on the frontier, schlepping covered baskets to the community hoedown? Hee-haw.

Finally, we might invite everyone we knew to the Fourth of July barbecue or New Year’s Eve open house. Ugh! As a guest, you either got stranded with a bore and no rescue in sight, or you stuck with people you knew in the belief that safe was better than sorry.

A Long Forgotten Setup

Enter the Coronavirus. In the beginning we just stayed home, and I had nothing to complain about. Although after three months of lockdown, anything or anyone, even the aforementioned bore, would have been a welcome change.

But a funny thing happened on the way to reopening: The Visit, that relic of a slower time, came back into vogue.

I was very familiar with The Visit because as a child I lived across the street from my grandparents, who were big on friends stopping by. It was just accepted that on Sunday people would go out for a stroll and come to my grandparents’ house for tea and cake.

They had a red-brick back porch that featured a comfy glider shaded by a huge green awning. This setup kept the temperature pleasant on even the hottest days and fostered a general and delicious feeling of languor.

I don’t remember if the conversation was scintillating or superficial, but I do remember how easy everyone seemed.

The Return of the Visit

At first, my husband and I recreated The Visit via Zoom, and that was fine for a while. Then, just as the novelty was wearing off, California began to open up.

We were intrigued but couldn’t imagine how two couples could practice social distancing at one table. Once again, we had to reimagine The Visit, luckily in the summertime.

I’m happy to report that it’s been great! We sit in our friends’ backyards or they sit in ours. The hostess just puts out a few nibbles and provides iced tea or wine. The more cautious among us bring their own food and drink.

Since it’s pretty chilly when the sun goes down in Santa Barbara, we’ve moved up the cocktail hour – or teatime, if you prefer – to 3 or 4 pm, which makes a nice segue into dinner at home, on our own.

It’s amazing how much more present and engaged everyone is during the old-fashioned Visit. We can actually have a substantive discussion without being interrupted by a waiter who wants to share his personal food preferences or a hostess who is running back and forth to the kitchen.

As a result, I’m getting to really know my friends in a way I never did before, and I’m finding it very satisfying.

The Walk Is Equally Exciting

A variation on The Visit is The Walk. This has been another eye-opening experience for those of us who never took long walks or only walked with a podcast for company. I always found walking tedious, but now the time flies by as I schmooze with a friend outdoors, especially if the scenery is restful.

When the stores were still closed, I even went with a girlfriend to an outdoor mall, where we pressed our noses to the glass like kids gazing longingly at a candy store window. Even sitting on a bench with someone – wearing masks and sitting 6 feet apart, of course – provides a lovely respite from house arrest.

Thanks to Covid-19, my husband and I have totally revised our idea of what “going out” means, and I just hope our friends will go along with us once everything returns to normal.

Just think about it – no fancy cooking, no cleanup afterward, no agonizing over what to bring to the potluck, no harried hostesses, no stilted small talk, no overpriced, noisy restaurants (well, maybe now and then…). What a wonderful world that would be!

Have you scaled back on eating out? How do you and your friends generally socialize? What’s different about the way you interact with friends before the pandemic and now? Please share your comments with our community!