Now
we are 60 (as A.A. Milne of Christopher Robin fame might have said), we are of
an age to think about grandmothers. Perhaps you are a grandmother or hoping to
be one. Perhaps your friends are grandmothers. It is a whole new world to
enjoy.

But
does this make you think more about your own
grandmother?

When I was writing my book about what it is like being a grandmother, many women I interviewed – including some friends – talked about how important one or other of their grandmothers had been to them.

They
had spent a lot of time with their grandmother, learned many things from her,
and some said they missed her constantly.

Surprising
as it might sound, this was a bit of a new idea to me. Yes, I knew both my
grandmothers until my late teens, but they were not an important part of my
life nor a big influence.

They
did not teach me much, did not pay me special attention, or take a real
interest in what I was up to. They were just relatives who turned up from time
to time, to whom I was required to be nice.

My Father’s Mother

One
– my father’s mother – lived on the other side of the United States, and we saw
her very infrequently. It’s hard to remember what a big deal it was to take an
airplane in those days. And when someone spent the money and time to fly
somewhere, they tended to stay for a while.

Although
I never heard it said out loud, it was clear that this grandmother always
over-stayed her welcome.

She
would totally disrupt the household, as she was not reluctant to criticise my
mother’s ways of keeping house and child-upbringing nor to verbalise many other
issues on which she had an opinion. Her visits were therefore periods of great
family tension, not conducive to a close relationship.

But
she was, to her credit, interesting. She was what people might call ‘a bit of a
character’. She felt she should have married ‘better’ than she did and would
readily remind us of this fact.

My
most memorable example was orthodontry, which I and my siblings benefitted
from. “If they had that in my day…”, she once said, “none of you grandchildren would
have been born!”

She was
also highly politically involved. In the autumn of 1960, during the period just
before the Presidential election, when visiting my uncle’s family in a
different state, she had a heart attack and thought she was about to die (she didn’t).

She
later said that, while contemplating her death, she was very pleased that she
had already voted by absentee ballot. That put a whole new spin on the term.

My Mother’s Mother

My
other grandmother – my mother’s mother – was very different. We saw her more
frequently, as she lived much closer. She was dutifully invited for
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other occasions and she – equally dutifully – took
photographs of the family to be helpful.

This
grandmother had few interests that I could see, aside from regular bridge games
with friends and the usual concerns of a well-brought up suburban widow, such
as charity and her church.

I
know she was worried I would marry someone ‘unsuitable’, which covered almost
all categories you might think of. I married only after she died, but I suspect
she would not have approved.

This
was a classic case of a grown-up daughter – my mother – becoming much more
radical than the family from which she came, creating a cultural and political
divide that was difficult to span.

It
was evident that my parents had little time for this woman, so her visits were
also a trial because everyone was trying so hard to get along.

Grandmothers Everywhere

The
women I interviewed for my book also talked about their grandmothers, who came
across as much more important to them. They came from very diverse backgrounds.

Some
were rich and proud, some very poor; some were very warm and cuddly and others
distant and cold. Many associated their grandmothers with food of one kind or
another, whether the activities of preparation or the joys of eating.

Most
felt that their grandmother had been a considerable influence on their lives
and their attitudes to being a grandmother, whether positive or, in the
occasional case, negative.  

It
made me realise how many different family stories there are.

A Relationship to Cherish

It
must be wonderful to have a grandmother as a major influence in your life. Now
that I am one, I realise that it is such a special relationship.

You
can be very close but without the inevitable tensions that arise within the immediate
nuclear family. You gain new perspectives and ways of doing things than you
gain from your parents.

And
you also gain a small foothold in history, if she talks about her own
background and life as a child.

I
have written a lot about the importance of this relationship to the
grandmother, but yes, in the right family, it is also important to the
grandchild.

What will your grandchildren
remember about you in 50- or 60-years’ time? What do you remember about your
grandmother? Was she an important influence on your life? Has it affected your
relationships with your own grandchildren? Let’s have a conversation!

I have a new puppy, and little Sally is keeping me on my toes.

Libby, my small poodle/terrier, was a stellar companion for 17 years – my kayak buddy, canoe tripper, and enthusiastic hiker. When I swam down the lake, she’d follow me along the shore, running out on each dock to supervise me on my route. I miss her. It was a sad day when she left me.

I finally decided it’s time to make the plunge again – to fill the void left by Libby ’s absence.

I hunted and hunted online for a non-allergenic dog, and I finally found a quality breeder with the right dog for me. I could have done a rescue, but this is the route I chose. I wanted to be sure she was non-allergenic and that she’d be trained the way I wanted.

Of course, there are lots of reasons NOT to get a dog. They take time. They need to be fed and walked. You have to train them, and you need to find someone to care for them when you travel. The worst part, of course, is that they don’t live long enough.

But – there are more reasons to get one. Dogs are loyal companions. They get you out walking. They keep you entertained. And – they love you unconditionally.

Not only that, but studies have shown that owning a dog can actually improve your health and lengthen your life. Who knew?

Life Extenders

A study done in China showed that dog ownership significantly lessens the incidence of cardiovascular disease, even more than owning a cat.

The reason for the discrepancy might be the fact that dogs need walking, while cat owners often keep their cats in. I have a friend who has a leash for her cat but walking a feline is less than easy.

In addition, a review of combined studies between 2005 and 2019 of nearly 4 million individuals showed that dog ownership was associated with a 31% lower risk of cardiovascular disease and a 24% lower risk for all-cause mortality as compared to non-owners. Is that impressive or what?

Stress Reducers

Another advantage is that petting and playing with a pet releases endorphins (happy hormones) at the same time as it decreases cortisol (the stress hormone). Because of these positive effects, many psychologists use animal-assisted therapy to relax their patients.

There’s nothing like having your own in-house pet therapist to soothe your rattled nerves – or just make you feel good.

Junior Diagnosticians

Dogs can help detect injuries and cancer. When we brought Sally home, she was immediately drawn to our older dog’s left paw. He’d split a nail chasing after a squirrel, and it hadn’t healed. Jake didn’t like her sniffing it, but it showed me that she could smell the injury.

I remember, too, that Libby would nose out any injuries I had, and she’d also hop into my lap when I was particularly sad or upset.

There are countless stories of people whose dogs have detected cancer before they experienced symptoms, and dogs have also been trained to detect a drop in blood sugar for diabetics.

Social Directors

If you’ve ever walked a dog, you know that it offers countless opportunities for meeting other people – neighbors or strangers, dog-lovers all. Many a friendship has been sparked by dog-walking interactions, and you might just be the recipient of such a connection. Thanks, pooch!

Exercise Enthusiasts

It’s a rare dog that doesn’t enjoy the daily walks, and I’m determined that Sally will be as enthusiastic about kayaking and canoeing as Libby was.

I just took her out for her first kayak ride yesterday, and she enjoyed it. On the way back, she was determined to hop into the lake, oblivious that the ice had just gone out a few weeks ago.

I had her leashed to the kayak, and I grabbed her back end just as she launched off the side of the kayak. An icy dousing of her head and front paws cured her in an instant. She spent the rest of the trip shivering in my lap. She’ll learn.

I look forward to many years with my new little minx. She and Jake have become great buddies and love to romp and roll together, though he outweighs her by 50 pounds (she’s a whopping five pounds now).

It warms my heart, and I think having her around will keep Jake young – yet another advantage of our new puppy.

So – if you have a dog already, you’re lucky. If you don’t, you might consider taking one on. I highly recommend it. Who else will take you out, improve your health, and love you unconditionally?

Are you a pet lover? Have you had a dog? What breed do you prefer? How has your dog improved your life? What is your favorite activity with your canine? Please share with our community!

We all have guilty pleasures. But do you want to know which one is
my favorite?

I love watching House
Hunters on HGTV! There’s nothing better to do on a lazy Sunday morning.

So, coffee in hand (or let’s be honest… a homemade mimosa), I curl
up on my couch watching TV, shouting at it, telling the clueless couple to go
with House #2 because they can just repaint the damn walls instead of making
the horrible decision of going with House #1.

But lately, I’ve noticed something happen to me after watching.

Instead of feeling relaxed from enjoying a silly show, and being
grateful for not having to work, I started to feel a little resentful. I
started to think, “Wait, why can’t I have the opportunity to buy a big fancy
house? Why am I here instead, in this small apartment?”

And that resentment got me thinking about something that many of
us do as we recover from divorce. It’s a nasty habit that keeps us from being happy and able to love this new chapter in
our life. So, this week, let’s take a look at that slip-up and learn how to
overcome it.

The Big Obstacle: We Focus on What We Lack

When we’re learning how to get our lives back, resentment an easy
trap to fall into. Once we start feeling bad about where we are, instead of
being happy with it, we forget all the awesome stuff. And the roadblock only
gets worse, because then we start telling ourselves things like these:

“I’m too old to be single. I should have a partner right now.”

“I should still be happily married right now.”

“I should be as successful as the family and friends I have on
social media.”

This way of thinking is dangerous as we move on because it relies
on some external force to dictate how our lives should be. Only we have the
power and control to do that.

We Compare Ourselves to Others

Ever heard of the Facebook and Instagram effect? 

You know what I’m talking about. The one where the old high-school
classmate has uploaded a picture of her million-dollar beach house and puts
#blessed in the caption.

Or the one where a distant relative has posted a picture of their
feet in the sand by the beach with a tropical drink in hand and writes “so
lucky in my life” or some crap like that.

We have all been guilty of thinking we need other things in our life in
order to live the way we want.

We forget just how much good we have in our own lives.

I like to think of this as the Psychology of Abundance. When we
are going through divorce, or recovering from it and trying to figure out the
rest of our lives, we forget that we actually have the world at our fingertips,
and that we have a huge load of new things going for us.

Sure, your life and stability have changed.

Sure, your financial situation may seem shaky and you may be
worried about supporting yourself.

Sure, your identity may be in existential crisis and you may be
lost, not knowing who you are now or what you want as you start the next
chapter of your life.

Nobody’s denying the shake-up. But guess what riches that shake-up
represents? 

The fact that you are still alive.

That you are here.

That you are given a second chance at life.

Do you have any idea how rich those gifts are?

I remember the time when I was going through my own divorce. I was
floored and stressed and reeling from all the things I thought I’d lost—a
comfortable financial situation, a partner in life, a future I thought I knew.

One day, as I was mourning my losses instead of focusing on the
abundance of things I actually had (my health, a decent job, my dogs, good
friends, and a supportive family), I got a kick in the butt.

I was flipping through an old literature book from my college
days, and a quotation popped out. It was written a world away and a lifetime
ago, but it was like it was written just for me.

“If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself,
tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for to the
creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent place.”

—Ranier Maria Wilke

That last part woke me up – for the creator there is no poor indifferent place.

Once we start celebrating what we have and not bemoaning what we
do not, we become free. Our stress levels decrease. Our anxiety goes away.
Feelings of jealousy and bitterness start to disappear. And we become grateful,
recognizing each new day as the gift that it is.

So, want to begin thriving with what you already have and not what
you wish you possessed?

Step #1: Consider Your Lack

The next time you feel bad because you think you’re lacking
something, stop and explicitly state what you feel it is. Example:

Ugh… I don’t have enough money for a down payment on a nice condo!

Step #2: Consider the Implications of Obtaining the Item in Question

After pinpointing your perceived lack of something, reverse that
way of thinking. Explicitly state why your lack of what you have is actually a
good thing at this time.

Wait… that nice condo is going to have some super-high HOA fees!
Geez… that actually means I will have to pay even more money a month than what
I pay now – money I
currently put in savings. Maybe a fancy condo isn’t such a good thing for me at
this time. 

Step #3: Consider What You Do Have

Acknowledge something you actually have for which you are
grateful.

Well, I don’t have a fancy condo, but I do have a delightfully
cozy and affordable apartment that is super-easy to clean and helps me stay
within my budget – two things
that many people do not have. Dang. I guess I am pretty thankful for that.

Make a habit of acknowledging those things you have. Do it often.
Heck, write it in your gratitude journal if you have one.

The more you divert your way of thinking from the things you lack to
the things that you have, you will find that the previous feelings of jealousy, resentment, and bitterness toward
others for what they have start to decrease, and may even just disappear.

When done regularly, you then start to notice all the great things
going on in your life. And once you notice them, little by little you will find
yourself grateful for them until you realize just how rich you really are and
how abundant your life really is.

Because you have enough. And you’re doing great with what you
have.

But you can still watch House Hunters if you want.

How
often do you find yourself wanting something that you don’t really need? What
do you do in such situations? Does resentment creep up and try to grab a hold
of you? How do you deal with it? Please share in the comments below.

Caroline Stanbury’s Black Knot Cutout Dress on Instastories

Caroline Stanbury Instagram Fashion 2020

Caroline Stanbury’s black knot cutout dress that she showed off recently on Instastories (which is apparently reversible) is in our opinion the perfect LBD for making a stylish re-entrance into society if things in your area are starting to open up. However if you’re not ready to fully leave quarantine life behind, no worries because it thankfully also comes in a tie dye version that’s perfect for venturing out (or staying home and taking mirror selfies) in this summer.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her LNA Dress

Click Here For Additional Stock on Sale

Click Here to Shop it in Pink Tie Dye on Sale

Photo & Info: @CarolineStanbury

Originally posted at: Caroline Stanbury’s Black Knot Cutout Dress