It is devastating for a family to learn that their child has a disability. Sometimes families know before their child is even born. Other times, as is the case with autism spectrum disorder, a family may not learn of it until their little one is two or three years old.

Regardless of how or when it is discovered, parents go through stages of grief. For a grandparent, this is twofold. They are watching their child in pain, while also watching their grandchild struggle. And feeling helpless in the process.

I have worked for the past 20+ years with children with varying special needs along with their families. These four takeaways have proven consistently to be true through the years and across families:

Babysit Whenever Possible

This may seem like a no brainer, but it has to be said: If you can babysit, do it. The divorce rates among parents who have kids with special needs, depending on the type of disability, can go to as high as 85%.

Giving these parents time to get away for a dinner date or an overnight breather now and again is invaluable. Be available as much as you are able and willing to pitch in and lend a hand. Often, grandparents are the only people with whom parents feel comfortable leaving their special needs kiddos.

It takes a village for all families, but these families need their village around them more than most.

Listen

As soon as they learn that their grandchild has a disability, most grandparents begin to dive in and do their research. We all want to learn as much as we can when we realize there is a medical issue of some sort. And the Internet is chock full of information, as we know.

Dive away, but remember that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. We need to listen twice as much as we speak – to what our grandchild’s parents are saying and what they want. We’ve got life experience behind us, yes. But this child is their child.

Our role as grandparents ALWAYS is to support what the parents decide to do – in terms of discipline, celebrations, traditions, and, in this case, how they want to address the needs of their child. Obviously, if they are doing harm, a grandparent needs to intervene, but this is the exception.

We need to respect our children and their decisions regarding their children. We raised them. We have to trust that they will do what is best. We may not always agree, but we don’t have to.

Don’t Downplay It

With some disabilities, it’s impossible to deny or downplay the issue. Conditions like cerebral palsy, spina bifida, Down’s syndrome, etc. have physical manifestations of the disability that can preclude denial or downplaying.

But with conditions such as autism, there are no physical symptoms, and the other symptoms are often pushed under the rug by well-meaning family members.

Often, a parent will express concern over some aspect of their child’s development. They might say, “I’m worried because Johnny isn’t saying anything and all the other children in his playgroup are saying 50+ words!”

A well-meaning grandparent might say something such as, “Oh, he’s a boy… they’re slower to talk,” or “Give him/her time. He/she is young yet.”

These statements come from a place of love. We don’t want to believe something might actually be wrong. We also always want to ease the minds of our adult children because we don’t like to see them suffer.

But this goes back to simply listening and affirming. If it was a false alarm, that’s awesome. Either way, you’ve shown your children that you are there to support them in this journey that is parenthood.

Help Financially

If you are able, help your children financially. It doesn’t matter the disability – any disability is going to be costly. So, if there is any way that you can help your children to offset some of this, do it.

If there was college fund money that you had put aside, use it now instead. In some cases, this can give that little one the start they need to get on the right track.

Watching children and grandchildren try to navigate this different kind of life is extremely difficult for grandparents. We feel helpless and want to “fix” the situation.

We can’t fix everything for our children, no matter how much we would like to, but if we do have a grandchild with a disability these steps can help lighten the load a bit.

It really takes a village.

Do you have a grandchild with a disability? How often do you help babysit them? What other assistance can you offer? Do you have any tips for grandparents in a similar situation? Please share with our community.

In today’s age of Corona, dating can feel pretty scary, and just the thought of it might make you want to give up on this dream forever. I hope you won’t. There are ways you can still date and be around male energy while staying safe. It’s a matter of shifting your mindset to how it has to look to meet a man.

Online Dating Basics

Naturally, Online Dating is the best way to meet men these days, and the bonus is that dating sites include the largest number of single men over 60.

My clients and I work together every day to make sure they have great pictures and a good profile and what happens is they end up having fun dating and meeting all types of new and interesting men they date virtually.

Choose Platform

To get started with virtual dating, all you need is a smart phone or computer. You can use Face Time (Apple), Google Duo (Android), or get a free Zoom or Skype account.

Prepare Your Looks

Before the call, put on a little makeup, a cute top (dressing up a little bit can also be fun since we’ve pretty much been hanging out in sweat clothes for a month), a great smile, and a mindset of “I’m going to meet a new and interesting man and just have fun getting to know him.”

Decide on Stage Props

Virtual dates can be over coffee or tea or you can do a virtual Happy Hour with your favorite glass of wine. I have a client that is having fun doing virtual dinner dates that break up the monotony of eating meals alone every night. Get creative here and enjoy this new type of dating.

Virtual vs. Phone Dating

Meeting virtually versus talking on the phone is important too, because you get to see each other which gives you far more body language cues. If you like each other and decide to do it again, this is an opportunity to get to know someone on a whole different level than you would have in the past.

It’s like dating the old-fashioned way of our parents and grandparents – building a friendship first without throwing the chemistry element in too quickly.

Where Is the Chemistry?

Now here’s the caveat. You may not feel chemistry or instant attraction when you virtually meet. Part of this is because you can’t touch or kiss, and it’s that physical connection that often bonds you.

But chemistry can cloud your judgement about whether a man is a good fit for you. When there is physical contact, you can bond too quickly and can end up mixing lust with a heart connection.

So, don’t throw away the guy ‘cause you’re not feeling it right away. Take your time just enjoying his company. Men become sexier and more attractive to us as we come to appreciate their personalities.

Have Genuine Fun

It’s important to just enjoy the male companionship. You can have fun flirting and laughing as you get to know each other. And, release whatever expectations you may have of how your virtual date has to turn out.

This man might make a great friend to hang out with in the future when neither of you has a date. It would be a great way to stay around male energy. Or he could make a good boyfriend or husband. Either way, this is a fun time to just get to know and enjoy men. Let me know what you think.

Have you continued dating in this time of physical constraints? Are you reserved or open to dating online? What is your experience so far? Please share in the comments below!